I Will Follow You Into the Dark
by ThatGreenElephant
Summary: Lydia Carmichael was rescued by John and Dean Winchester as a teenager. Now, years later, she runs into Sam and Dean, who introduce her to Castiel. Castiel/OC romance. *NOW COMPLETE*
1. Friends to Go

**(A/N)- So this is my first fan fiction that I've written for Supernatural, and also the first fan fiction story I've written in almost 4 months. I wrote for other fandoms, but I recently got into Supernatural and am now in love with the character Castiel. I tried looking for some good Castiel/OC romances, but I've found only two or three that I thought were decently written. So I decided that the best way to solve this problem is to write my own Castiel romance. This is a totally different genre than I'm used to doing, I'm way out of my comfort zone, but yeah, here goes nothing. **

** Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters in it. Kripke and the CW network do.**

Lydia Carmichael went into Walgreen's for hair dye and a box of condoms. She was going to be late for her job at the diner up the road, and she needed to get in and out quickly.

_Okay, hair dye, hair dye…Crap, they've rearranged the store!_ Lydia thought, panicked. _I can pick this stuff up later…No, I won't have time then, either…Here, that color will work…Now where's the condoms? Dammit, they really need to stop moving things around in this place…_

Within two minutes, Lydia was in line with her items in her hands, anxiously glancing up at the clock above her. Ten minutes, that's all the time she had. If the line goes quickly, she could just make it…

Of course, that's the funny thing about life, isn't it? The one time you need the line to go quickly, the cashier is as slow as can be and the lady in front of you is counting pennies from her change purse. Lydia was ready to scream after the first thirty seconds, but after nearly three minutes of waiting, she was this close to put down her things and walk out of the store…

And then she saw him. He was walking into the store with another man, a taller man. Not the man she had seen him with all those years before, though. But he hadn't changed a bit. A bit older than when she had last seen him-it was almost eight years-but he still looked exactly the same. Screw being late to work. Timidly, she walked up to the two men who had their back turned to her and tapped the shorter one on the shoulder.

_And what if you have the wrong guy, huh smartass?_ Lydia thought to herself. She was about to change her mind and run away in fear that she _did_ have the wrong person when the man turned around.

"Uh…can I help you?" he said as his eyes scanned her figure. He obviously didn't remember her. Lydia didn't blame him. But the second she saw his face, she felt intense relief, her suspicions confirmed. She knew she had the right man.

"Dean Winchester, right?"

Both Dean and the other man both looked alarmed. They both looked at each in silent communication, then Dean looked back at the girl in front of him. "Well…yeah…"

The small smile she was wearing when she tapped him on the shoulder faded a little. "You don't remember me, do you?"

"Am I supposed to?" It wasn't a sarcastic remark-it was an honest question. Lydia sighed-she didn't want to be the one to bring up the whole ordeal to remind him, she had hoped that he would remember all on his own. Then again, what was she expecting? She looked a lot different than she had at fifteen. "Port Washington, 2001? It was November. You and your father rescued me from the Boobooshaw after it killed my mother…"

"The _what_?" The other man looked confused. Dean, however, had a look of realization cross his face and smiled at her.

"Yeah, I remember you now! In the forest? You guys were camping?" She nodded. "Yeah, I definitely remember you. Lindsay, right?"

"Lydia." she corrected.

"Lydia, that was it!" Still smiling, Dean looked the girl up and down. "How ya been?"

Lydia shrugged. "Same old same old, y'know?"

"You look a lot different than you did back then." Dean commented.

"You don't." she grinned back. "So how's your dad?"

Both Dean and the man next to him frowned. "He died 'bout three years ago."

"I'm sorry." Lydia said as sympathetically as she could.

"Yeah, me too," Dean looked at the man next to him. "This is my brother Sam. Sam, this is Lydia. Dad and I met her on a hunt when you were at school."

"Nice to meet you." Sam stuck out his hand and shook Lydia's.

"Yeah, you too."

Sam looked back at his brother. "So, she knows about what we hunt?"

"Yup. She and her mom were camping when a Boobooshaw attacked them."

Lydia grimaced at the memory. "Yeah, I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for Dean and your father." Then, seeing Sam's sobered face, she cracked a small grin. "Imagine that, huh? Having to explain that your mother was killed by something called a Boobooshaw." She was trying to joke about it, but on the inside, just the mere memory of her mother was painful for Lydia to bear.

But Dean wasn't paying attention. Looking at the items in her hand, he smirked. "Whoa there, hot stuff. Got a hot date tonight?"

Lydia looked down at the condoms and nearly dropped them in embarrassment. She had completely forgotten where she was-and obviously, what she was buying. Feeling her face turn red, she stammered, "I-I'm b-b-buying them for a cousin-friend, I mean friend…"

"Sure ya are!" Dean clapped her on the shoulder, clearly enjoying watching her squirm. "My little Lydia! Who woulda thought?"

"Shuddup." Lydia shrugged his hand off her shoulder. "I met you one night right years ago. I'm not your little anything."

"Hey, I saved you once. You're officially mine forever." He meant it. In Dean's mind, the people-especially the kids-that he saved were "his" to look out for.

Lydia looked at the two Winchesters, then back at the clock, eyes widening. "Oh my God, I'm late! Dammit!" She looked around the store wildly, hyperventilating. "I really need to go…"

"Where ya headed?" Sam asked her.

"Work!" Taking a deep breath, Lydia continued, "I work at the diner up the street. My shift starts in five minutes and it's at least a ten minute walk..."

"Then _you_," Dean pointed at her. "Are coming with us."

"But…no, you don't have to give me a ride!" Lydia said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, still rushing to get all the words out. "I have to buy this stuff right now, anyway. I won't have time to later."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "What's so important about condoms and hair dye?"

"I'll explain later," Lydia was calming down considerably. Finally resigning herself to the idea of the boys giving her a ride to work, she added, "But I need to check out first…"

"And that's when we come in handy." Dean said simply. Before Lydia had time to react, Dean grabbed the items out of her hands and raced out of the store. "Last one to the car's a rotten Sam!"

"C'mon!" Sam grabbed Lydia's wrist and pulled her out of the store as the security alarm went off.

_Did I just steal something from a store! _Lydia's mind raced as she and Sam ran to the car. She climbed in the backseat, and in the blink of the eye, they were racing down the road way too fast than Lydia was used to.

"Live a little, Lyd!" Dean hollered from the front seat. He blasted some music from and started jamming along with it. He eventually encouraged Sam to join in. Sam looked at Lydia and shrugged with that "just go with it" face.

"You guys are crazy!" she shouted. "You just stole from a Walgreen's and you're just going to jam along to AC/DC doing fifty on a thirty?" They paid no attention to her, Dean still rocking out and Sam looking at his brother like he couldn't believe they were related. But Lydia was laughing too. This was the most fun she'd had in a while.

And just like that, it was over. Dean had gotten her to work in under a minute. Shaking her head, Lydia grabbed her purse and stuffed the two boxes from Walgreen's in it. "Are you two going in to grab a bite to eat?"

Dean looked excited at the idea of food. "I don't see why not. I haven't eaten since…"

"Since seven this morning." Sam looked at him cryptically.

"Yeah, but it's almost ten now!" Dean protested. "I'm hungry again!"

Lydia shut the car door and talked to Dean and Sam through the window Dean had rolled down. "We have the world's best pancakes, y'know. Or so they say."

"That's it. I'm coming in." Dean was halfway out the car door before Sam pulled him back in.

"Wait, shouldn't we go get Cas?"

"Who's Cas?" Lydia. "Dean's girlfriend?"

"Dean's boyfriend, actually." Sam winked at her.

"You're a freaking comedian, Sammy," Dean glared at his brother, then looked back at Lydia. "He's a friend of ours. I dunno if he'd be hungry, but we'll go ask him just in case."

"Awesome." Lydia smiled and started walking into the diner. "See you guys later then. I'll save some pancakes for you."

She was almost inside the diner when she heard Dean call after her. "And some pie!"


	2. Hello, I Love You

** (A/N)-Hi guys, it's me again posting the second chapter of "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." I want to thank ****batgirl3952, Bobadoo, ashlynnhartt, myfandomneedstherapy, and forestreject for your adding this story to your favorites and/or alert list, and a huge thank you to three of you who reviewed. And to forestreject: I have no idea what Sam and Dean went in there for. It's the Winchesters we're talking about. I don't think any of us **_**want**_** to know. And just for future reference to anyone who really cares, the first few chapters take place in Iowa City between "Fallen Idols" and "I Believe the Children Are Our Future."**

** Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for Lydia.**

_It's only ten?_ Lydia thought unhappily as she stared at the clock in the diner. That's all she ever did, it seemed, was stare at clocks. She was only an hour into her six-hour shift, and already she was ready to go home. Aside from an old couple eating an early lunch in the back corner and the cook in the back, there was nobody else in the diner. Lydia was bored out of my mind. Most of the time she didn't really mind when there were no customers-less cranky, demanding customers to deal with-but today, the silence only seemed to be suffocating. Maybe it was because she really _was_ excited to see Sam and Dean again. For years she had lived in fear of bringing up the memory of her mother; that was the reason she moved away from Port Washington in the first place. But seeing Dean again had gotten her thinking-maybe it was time to let go of her mother's death. Eight years was a long time…

"Alright! Where's my pie?" The silence was broken the second Dean Winchester stepped in the door, Sam following right behind him.

Lydia smiled and grabbed two menus as she walked towards them. "I see you waste no time when it comes to food."

"Damn straight." Dean shot back.

"Here, I'll give you the booth over here," Lydia set down the two menus on the closest table. "So your friend Cas didn't come, huh?"

"I'm here." Lydia heard a voice come from behind Sam. Sam moved to reveal a shorter man in a tan trench coat.

"Oh…" She felt her face go bright red. "I'm so sorry…I didn't see you behind…" She trailed off, still blushing, and ran behind the counter to grab another menu. "I'll just get another one."

By the time Lydia came back to the table, the three men were already sitting. She handed the menu to the one that must've been Cas, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. He took the menu and nodded up at her. He didn't seem to be offended by her comment about his height like most guys would've been, which Lydia was thankful for.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Dean told the red-in-the-face waitress. "You ain't the first person to completely miss him. We still don't know if it's 'cause Sammy's so freakishly tall or Cas is so freakishly short."

"Cas isn't that short!" Lydia protested. "He's taller than me!"

Dean snorted. "You're like five feet. Everyone's taller than you. You're like a midget."

"I am not a midget!" declared Lydia. "I'm five foot three, thank you."

"Whatever. Midget."

Lydia fought the urge to roll her eyes as she got out the small notepad and stubby pencil from her pocket. "So what can I get you guys?"

"Chocolate chip pancakes and apple pie." The words flew straight out of Dean's mouth with the air of someone who knew exactly what he wanted. Which he did.

"Same." Sam handed Lydia his and Dean's menus when she looked at him to see what he wanted. Lydia nodded and scribbled down the orders.

Cas, however, looked completely mystified by the menu, like he'd never seen one before. "Dean, what are pancakes?"

"They're love." Dean answered. "Just like donuts and pie." He looked up at Lydia who was waiting for the order. "Just give him what we're having."

"Do you always order for him?" Lydia raised her eyebrow as she added the newest order to the list.

Dean smirked at her while Sam said honestly, "Actually, I don't think he's ever eaten out…" Sam looked at Cas. "Have you?"

Cas thought for a few seconds. "My vessel has."

The reaction was instant. Dean and Sam's eyes both widened to at least twice their normal size, their mouths opening and closing rapidly. Lydia, on the other hand, was as confused as could be. Vessel…?

"Uh, you should probably take that order back, huh?" Dean cracked a nervous smile while Sam nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

"Um…yeah, sure…" Lydia walked back to the kitchen and slipped the piece of paper through the little window connecting the kitchen to the front of the diner. "Louie, I got three stacks of chocolate chip pancakes." She then waited for the pancakes to be ready-knowing Louie, they'd be out in the blink of an eye-and tried not to stare at the three men in the booth near the door. They were talking in hushed whispers about something obviously important; none of them even looked anywhere else but each other.

_A bromance for the ages…_ Lydia smiled to herself, staring off into space when she heard, "Excuse me, Miss?"

Lydia shot up from leaning on the counter and stood up straight. "Yes? Can I help you?"

It was the old couple that had been sitting in the back of the diner. "We've just finished eating." The old lady held out her money for Lydia to take it.

"Oh…thank you for coming. Have a nice day." Lydia handed back the lady her change and smiled.

The lady smiled back at her. She turned back to her husband and said, "Gary? Can you go start up the car?" He nodded, kissed her on the cheek, and left the diner. Once he was gone, the old lady leaned forwards and said to Lydia, "Now I'm not sure if you've noticed, but that young man keeps staring at you."

"What man?" Lydia asked, confused.

"That man in the tan coat." She smiled mischievously.

Lydia nearly laughed out loud. "Oh no, he's not…" She stopped when she looked towards Cas. The second he saw her look his direction, his gaze dropped down to the table. So he _was_ staring at her.

The woman reached out her hand and patted Lydia's hand lightly. "You two are adorable together. My husband and I were the same way when we were younger."

Lydia's mouth dropped open slightly. _Is this some kind of joke?_ "No, no…We're not…I don't even know him…"

"Well, you two have been looking at each other the whole time," The older woman said simply as she patted Lydia's hand again. "And with good reason. He is rather hot, isn't he?"

"Um…" Lydia felt her eyes grow bigger and her face flush again. "I guess?"

"Well, anyway, I better get going," The lady flashed Lydia one last smile before whispering, "Go get him, tiger!" and left the diner.

Lydia stood there, frozen, not really knowing what to say. _That was the single most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life,_ she decided. But then another thought came to her mind. _I haven't been staring at him, have I? Was I staring at him without noticing? And was he actually staring at me that whole time…?_

"Lyd! Pancakes are ready!" Louie's voice came from the back. Lydia took all three plates of pancakes on a tray and carried them out to the table.

"Here ya go, guys." She set out the food in front of the guys.

"What, no pie?" Dean asked as he dug in.

"Finish your pancakes first, then I'll get your pie," Lydia folded her arms. She took a deep breath before looking at Cas and asked, "So is Cas a nickname for Casey?"

Cas shook his head, his entire attention focused on Lydia rather than his food. "Castiel."

"Wow. Never heard that name." Lydia commented, trying her best to stall from going back behind the counter.

"It's an original name." Castiel agreed.

"Right…" Lydia nodded and found that in the awkwardness, she really did need to go. "I'll just go get your pie now." She turned on her heel and went behind the counter. The entire time she was carving pie slices, she didn't look up once.

Two minutes later, Lydia delivered Dean, Sam, and Cas-Castiel?-their pie. They all thanked her politely, but something in their tones made Lydia realize that she was intruding on a conversation again. She nodded, and without another word, she went back behind the counter and played around with her phone distractedly, trying to find a way to avoid looking up at any of them.

"Lydia?" Dean's voice made Lydia's head shoot up almost five minutes later. "We're gonna get going, alright?"

"Oh…okay. See ya around, then." Lydia tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. But what was she expecting? To have a whole week to get to know them?

Dean flashed her a smile. "Take care of yourself, kid."

"I will," Lydia smiled back. She shook Sam's hand again. "Nice meeting you."

"You too." Sam nodded.

When she saw Cas, Lydia only raised a hand and gave him a small wave. "Bye Cas."

"Goodbye." He nodded curtly, then followed the Winchesters out of the diner.

The rest of her shift went by agonizingly slow. Customers drifted in and out of the diner, and by three o'clock, Lydia was as ready as she could be to leave. She started the short walk home, and when she got home, she took the hair dye out of her purse and got to work. By four o'clock, Lydia's brown hair was now an unnatural, vibrant red. She wasn't too fond of it herself, but if it's what her boss wanted, she didn't have much of a choice, did she? After a quick nap, Lydia put on the heavy makeup that she hated, tight clothes that she despised, high stilettos that made her feet ache and all in all, looked as sexy as possible. She put on a long coat that covered her clothes, and by nine, she was out the door. She took the usual fifteen minute bus ride to her usual destination, and at almost nine fifteen, she walked in the door of the place she hated most-Northern Exposure Gentleman's Club-with that guilty, disgusting feeling that she always got when she walked in the door of that God-forsaken place.


	3. Crack a Bottle

** (A/N)-Hello lovely people. This is DwyerCas posting another chapter of "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." In addition to batgirl3952 for reviewing Chapter 1, lots of thank yous go to forestreject, angeleyenc, Bobadoo, ashlynnhartt, DiaDeLosMuertos, and xBlossom for reviewing Chapter 1 and/or Chapter 2. I also want to thank Rizzal, angeleyenc, witchwithoutbroom and xBlossom for putting this story under your favorites, ****NMBC-Sally for putting me under an Author Alert, ****and L Moonshade, Alliehalliwell, .angel14, DiaDeLosMuertos, and xBlossom for putting a Story Alert on this story. It really means a lot when I see people actually like what I'm writing, so by all means, keep reviewing. I'm going to shut up now and say that I don't own anything because I'm not Eric Kripke, blah, blah, blah, and just get to the rest of the story.**

_Can't wait until Tuesday,_ Lydia thought to herself. _I'll actually get my night off._

Lydia looked around the club in disgust. She hated coming here, but yet she spent more time here than anywhere else, minus her apartment. Sometimes she couldn't believe her life had come to this-here she was at 23 years old, working at a diner she hated and a strip joint that she hated even more. But if it paid the bills, she just had to deal with it until something better came along. Until that day, dancing at Northern Exposure would have to do.

Lydia walked past all the flashing strobe lights and men hollering at the girls on stage into the back where the dressing rooms were, curling her lip in disgust as she passed what looked like spit on the floor. Northern Exposure wasn't exactly the cleanest club in the city, but it was the only one that would hire her. She had started out two years ago as an "amateur" on a trial basis, but now, she was one of the regulars. If she had a couple more years of experience, she might be able to get a job at Tally Ho's or one of the nicer (cleaner) clubs.

Back in the dressing room, Lydia felt that cold feeling that she always got when she was back here. Not only was it freezing temperature wise, but the tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Lydia always felt completely isolated from the other girls, like she didn't belong. (Which she didn't) None of the girls were really "friends," but some of them actually talked and got along well enough. None of them bothered to talk to Lydia, which was "just fine" by her. At least that's what she told herself.

Lydia took off her coat and looked at herself in the mirror, hating what she saw. _Jeez, what don't you hate today, Lyd?_ She ran her fingers through her hair, seeing how the red looked. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would, but she still missed her brown hair. It wasn't the first time she dyed it, but right when her hair had returned to its natural color, she dyed it again. Rick, her boss, had suggested it. Told her she'd make more money that way. And her landlord was raising her rent again. What choice did she have?

"Lyd." She heard her name. She turned away from the mirror and saw Rick standing in the doorway. "You're on in five."

"Right." She answered. She teased her hair up as best she could and stepped up onto the stage, covered by the back wall. She poked her head out the tiniest bit to look at the crowd. Not bad for a Saturday. There was a little less men there than there usual was on a Saturday, but with two bachelor parties, she would have no problem getting any money. Hearing her name, she stepped out onto the stage as the audience burst into hoots and wolf whistles…

Twenty minutes later, Lydia was back in the dressing room, counting her money. $120, minus the fees she owed Rick, added up to almost $95. Not too bad. If she could get up there another two or three times, she'd be all set. But she really needed a break. She grabbed her water bottle and took a quick drink when Ashley, Rick's girlfriend, entered.

"Hey Lydia? Rick needs someone to serve drinks. Would you mind?" Ashley asked sweetly. Lydia had always liked Ashley. Nice girl-not a bitch like most of the girls around here. She had actually talked to Lydia and was kind to her. Then again, she wasn't a dancer; she was just the bartender, so that might've had something to do with it.

"No, I don't mind. I'll do it." Lydia nodded. Ashley smiled and left. Lydia started looking through the bag she had brought with her, trying to find something a little less revealing. She hadn't gone topless on stage-she usually didn't-but she certainly didn't want to be behind the counter dressed like she was. Then, Lydia eyed her white coat. It was a little heavy and long, but it could work. She grabbed the coat and rolled up the sleeves, leaving it open so the customers could still see her clothes. There, perfect. Lydia walked out of the dressing room and went back behind the counter.

She was there serving drinks with Ashley for about ten minutes, maybe less. She had her back turned towards the customers, reaching up as high as she could to get a glass when she heard someone say behind her, "Well hi there. Can I get three beers and a slice of you?"

Lydia chucked to herself. There was always that one guy, every night, that tried to pick up one of the girls. Rick had them all under strict orders to act like ladies-they were dancers, not prostitutes. The girls very rarely ever went home with men from the bar. And Lydia was _not_ in the mood for it tonight.

"The beers, sure. But that 'slice of me' only comes after dinner and a movie…" Lydia quickly grabbed three beers and turned around to face the customer. Once she did, she froze on the spot. Her face went white, instead of red for a change, and she felt one of the beer bottles slip out of her hand and drop to the floor, pieces of glass shattering everywhere.

"Oh my God." Lydia whispered to herself. "Um…hi Dean."

Dean Winchester, looking stunned, nodded very subtly. "Lydia?"

Lydia placed the beers on the counter and quickly closed up her coat. "What are you doing here? I thought you left town already…"

Dean stared at Lydia with wide eyes, Sam and Castiel right behind him. The only reason they were speaking at all was because the silence only intensified the awkwardness between them. "We were going to, but we stopped here first…"

"I need to go." Lydia declared suddenly. Her feet suddenly began to carry her away from the bar on their accord. She broke into a run and found herself in the dressing room again. She looked around the room wildly, panicking. How long had they been there? Did they see her on stage? Did they know that was her at the bar? But maybe they didn't, with her hair being a different color and all…Her head was spinning and her thoughts racing a thousand miles an hour. Lydia took a few calming breaths (which really didn't help at all) and grabbed her things. Screw this, she was going home. Rick wouldn't care if she missed her shift-it was her loss of income, not his-as long as he still got the money he owed her.

Lydia poked her head out of the room, trying to locate the Winchesters and Cas so she could make her escape without running into them again. She didn't see them. She hoped that they had left, but knew that they probably hadn't. Well, she was going to leave anyway. The plan? She didn't have one, except to run and catch the first bus to take her home. Taking a deep breath, Lydia bolted from the dressing room and walking as quickly as she could, keeping her head down and trying her best not to run into anyone. She almost made it, too. She was so close to the door, she thought for sure she had made it. She quickened her pace ever so slightly, not watching out for her surroundings…

And ran right into Cas' chest.

Lydia jumped back, staring at him. He stared back, studying her. Lydia's head flew down at the ground and she realized that the contents of her purse-including the condoms-had all fallen out of the purse. She ducked down to pick everything up, but unfortunately, so had Cas…at the same time. Their heads collided painfully, and Lydia let out a cry of pain and fell back, her coat opening back up. The humiliation Lydia felt overpowered the throbbing in her head, and she stood up, buttoning her coat as she did. Her face was back to its usual flushed red, she could feel it. She saw that Cas had put everything back in her bag and was holding it out for her. She snatched it out of his hand and stormed out of the club. She had no idea where Sam or Dean was, but she didn't care at this point. She walked to the closest bus stop, and not even five minutes after she left the club, she was on the ride home. The second she collapsed in the seat, she felt tears roll down her cheeks, not caring who was watching her. The image of Dean's face when he saw her was burned in her memory and stung with embarrassment. He, Sam, and Cas had all seen her shaking her half-naked ass on stage. That was probably more than she could take. Lydia's tears ran even harder when her mother's face flashed through her mind. That's something that she _really_ couldn't take-thinking about how disappointed her mother would be.


	4. Things We Said Today

** (A/N)- This is the 4****th**** chapter of "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." More shout outs and thank yous go to ashlynnhartt, Mrs Scarlett and angeleyenc for reviewing, theadventurer, InLoveAndCrazy and TazzyDvl for putting a Story Alert on this fanfic, as well as Mrs Scarlett for adding this story to your favorite list. And of course, lots of love to those of you have reviewed or done anything to this story previously. And no, I don't own Supernatural, because if I did, my name would be Eric Kripke. And I would be a man.**

When Lydia woke up the next morning, she looked at her alarm clock and saw that it was almost eleven o'clock. Her shift had started almost an hour ago. Perfect. And it was Saturday, too-one of her busiest days. Lydia considered getting up and going to work, but then realized she couldn't think of a good enough excuse. Whatever, it's not like Alyssa would fire her anyway. Instead, Lydia got up and went to her closet. She had fallen asleep only minutes after she got home-she hadn't even changed her clothes. She had gone straight to bed, not caring how uncomfortable her clothes were. But her apartment, like always, was freezing, and her work clothes weren't going to cut it. She put on some sweatpants and a hoodie, then threw her hair up with a rubber band. She could still feel the residue from the hair dye and figured she should take a shower to wash it all out. But she just didn't feel like it right then. That was disgusting, not wanting to take a shower, but Lydia frankly just didn't care. She looked in the mirror and saw that she hadn't even washed off the makeup from last night. She could do that later too, she supposed. She threw on some socks and (unwillingly) put on her glasses. She never wore them in public, but she wasn't it public right now, was she?

Lydia walked into her kitchen, wincing at all the dirty dishes. It was a cheap, dirty apartment to begin with, but Lydia wasn't doing all that she could've to improve the place. Actually, she was pretty sure she was making the place worse. She was never very good at cleaning, so most of the time, she never bothered to try. Opening the cupboards, she saw there was a whole lot of nothing to eat, besides Ramen noodles and a few soup cans. She grabbed the pack of Ramen and put some water on the stove to boil. Within ten minutes, she was sitting on her old, dusty couch, watching old One Tree Hill reruns on her just as old and dusty TV, eating the noodles.

_This is kind of nice,_ Lydia thought to herself. Maybe she should take off more Saturdays from now often. She had almost forgotten about last night when she suddenly heard a knock at the door. Figuring it was Ginger, her landlady, Lydia got up and went to answer the door, the bowl of Ramen still in her hand.

"Look Ginger, I don't get paid until tomorrow…" Lydia said as she opened the door, then stopped talking when she saw who it was-Cas. She stared at him for a few seconds…then quickly tried to shut the door again.

"Lydia!" Cas threw out a hand to stop the door before it slammed shut. He was strong, and the door stayed stationary, no matter how hard Lydia tried to shut it.

"What are you…doing here?" Lydia asked through gritted teeth, pushing with all her might to get the door shut. Cas, however, didn't seem to be working at all. He just stood in the doorway, holding the door open with one hand and staring at Lydia through blue eyes.

"I came to talk to you." He said simply.

Lydia shot back exasperatedly, "Fine! Then talk!" She stopped pushing on the door and stood up straight, her arms folded.

Cas continued staring at her, his head titled to one side curiously. "You're angry at me."

"No shit, Sherlock!" Lydia exploded. "What was your first clue?"

Cas seemed bewildered and stepped back slightly. "Why are you upset? I didn't do anything…"

"You…" Lydia thought furiously. She didn't know why she was upset with him. She was furious at herself for everything that had happened last night, but for reasons that she couldn't control, she directed her fury at him. "You were at a strip club! Who the fuck does that!"

"You." Cas said calmly.

Lydia couldn't think of any valid response to this-he was right, after all. "Just, go away, you…manwhore!" She took advantage of his relaxed stance and slammed the door shut. Shaking her head, she went back to the living room and set down her bowl. She was about to sit back down when she heard more knocking at the door. Still angry, she threw the door open again to see Cas standing exactly where he was before.

"What do you want?" She demanded, keeping the door partially shut so he could barely see her.

"To talk." Cas deadpanned. Lydia searched his face and saw that he was being honest-he wasn't here to make her feel any worse about the night before. Reluctantly, she opened the door and let him in. They walked back to her living room and Lydia sat on the couch. Cas remained standing, looking around uncomfortably. Lydia immediately felt self-conscious about the place and made a mental note to clean up more often. The random bra on the floor and a bowl full of melted ice cream on the table just inches from where Cas was standing did nothing to relieve some of the tension in the room.

"You can sit down, you know." Lydia offered, considerably calmer than she was before.

Cas nodded graciously and sat on the opposite end of the couch. His eyes were fixed on her, and Lydia zipped up her hoodie a bit more. She didn't need a repeat of last night. And a shower suddenly seemed like a great idea.

Cas and Lydia sat in silence for a few seconds before Lydia awkwardly broke it. "So why are you here again?"

"I…I wanted to apologize for last night. You seemed upset when you left last night, and it was not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable." He answered, his eyes still locked on her.

Lydia nodded thoughtfully. She knew she should say thank you, it wasn't your fault, I'm sorry-things like that- but instead, what came out was, "So how much did you guys see?" _Crap. Smooth, Lydia, real smooth._

"I don't understand." Cas narrowed his eyes.

Lydia sighed. Too late too turn back now. "Like, how long were you guys actually there when you saw me?"

"Not long," He answered. "Dean didn't even recognize you. None of us did, with your hair changing colors."

"So you only saw me from the back?" She pressed. "You didn't see me on stage?"

"You were on stage?"

Lydia was stunned. Was he just trying to be nice, or was he telling the truth? He seemed to be honest with her. "Well…yeah. I'm a dancer."

Cas blinked. "You are one of those women?"

Lydia looked down at the ground to avoid his gaze. "Yes."

"But…" Cas seemed confused. "Those women on stage are beautiful."

Lydia felt like she was slapped. "And you're saying I'm not?"

"No!" Cas' eyes widened. "No, you are beautiful! You just came across as…"

"Classier than a stripper?" Lydia offered.

Cas nodded. "Yes."

"Well, thanks…" said Lydia. "I'll take that as a compliment."

Silence prevailed again for a few seconds. Then, Lydia said, "So Dean and Sam left already?"

"Yes."

Lydia was confused. "Then why are you here?" Cas' face remained completely neutral. Lydia added, "I thought they left already."

"They did." Cas nodded.

"Then why aren't you with them?" Lydia asked him. "Aren't you hunting with them?"

Cas seemed just as puzzled as she was. "I'm not a hunter."

"You're not?" asked Lydia. Cas shook his head. "Then what are you?"

"I'm an angel." He said bluntly.

"An angel?" Lydia arched her eyebrow. Cas nodded. "You're serious?" He nodded again. Lydia snorted and shook her head. "So that's why you're here." She stood up and pointed at the door. "For your information, I'm really not interested, so you can just leave, alright?"

"Excuse me?" Cas stood up as well.

Lydia grew furious again. "Yeah, you heard me! I don't care if you're an angel or whatever, just get out! I don't need you to save me…"

"You think I'm here to save you?" Cas seemed put-off.

"I _know_ you're here to save me!" Lydia yelled. "You were sent down from Heaven or whatever and met up with Sam and Dean so you could 'bump into me' and try to save me! You wanna know something, buddy?" Lydia stepped towards him and got right up in his face. "I don't need saving! I'm just fine showing my ass on stage every night, so you can just go to Hell!"

Cas remained completely calm. "I'm sorry Lydia, but you are mistaken. I'm not your guardian, nor am I here to 'save you'."

"Then why are you here?" Lydia demanded.

"…I don't know." Cas answered honestly. "I wanted to see if you were alright. That's all. I have much better things to do then watch out for a girl. I'm actually trying to…" He took a deep breath. "Never mind."

"What?" asked Lydia.

"Never mind." Cas said sharply. He took another breath and started walking out the door. "I see trying to make amends with you was a mistake."

"Why the hell are you trying to make amends me anyway!" Lydia called after him, walking behind him.

"I don't know." She heard him say. He had his hand on the doorknob and seemed ready to leave. "I just wanted to."

"Well you don't need to." Lydia stared at the floor.

"Then I won't." Cas turned around and looked at her one more time with icy blue eyes, then opened the door and left.


	5. And She's Buying the Stairway to Heaven

** (A/N)- Wow, five chapters already. I usually don't update this fast, but this plot bunny kind of just grabbed me about a week ago, and I haven't been able to get it out of my head since. Anyway, time to do the thank yous and stuff, cause you guys are awesome and deserve shout outs. Thanks to FlyingFerret, angeleyenc, forestreject, Mrs Scarlett and ashlynnhartt for reviewing (you guys are my heroes), Truth-Between-the-Lines, missfervent, and FlyingFerret for the awesome Story Alerts, as well as , Difference-is-normal and juli 8D1819 for putting this story on your Favorites list. And, as always, I don't own Supernatural. Because if I did, do you think I'd be writing fan fiction at 10 at night? I don't think so.**

It had been about two weeks since Lydia had last seen Sam or Dean, and life returned to normal. That was fine with her-she wasn't expecting any differently- and besides, she was still mortified from what happened at Northern Exposure. The next time she went to work at the club, she couldn't help but keep a look out the whole night, just in case. Still, she couldn't get her mind off Cas. She hadn't seen or heard from him either, but she still was expecting to. She was hoping to, exactly, just expecting to. It didn't seem likely that he'd show up again, but Lydia couldn't shake the feeling that she would see him again.

It was an average Thursday night. She had gotten the late shift at the diner and wasn't going into the club that night. Lydia closed up the diner and started walking home. Or rather, in the _opposite_ direction of her home. She looked around the street, letting out a relieved sigh when she didn't see anybody else. It was close to nine o'clock-in this neighborhood, no one would be out on the streets at nine at night. Lydia walked for a good twenty before she reached her destination-another apartment complex. It was much worse than the one Lydia lived in, but she wouldn't be here for long. Five minutes at the most. She walked up three flights of stairs and looked for room 4B. Once she found it, she knocked on the door quietly three times.

The door swung open, and Lydia was greeted by a young man, maybe early twenties. He gave her a small smile when he saw it was her.

"Lydia," he greeted. "Come in."

"Thanks." Lydia smiled, looked straight at the security camera in the upper right hand corner, then walked in the room. The man shut the door behind him.

"So how much you got?" The man asked her.

Lydia held up a 100-dollar bill. "How much will this get me?"

The man in front of her smiled. "Two doses."

"That's it?" Lydia complained.

He shrugged. "Prices are prices."

"Fine…" Lydia sighed and took out another 100-dollar bill. "Four doses then."

"Yes m'am." The man slipped the packet of heroin in her hand as she handed him the money.

"Thanks Jay." Lydia quietly slipped out of the apartment and left the apartment building, starting the long walk home.

She had only been walking for three minutes, however, when she heard somebody say next to her, "You shouldn't be walking alone at night."

Lydia let out a scream and jumped. Breathing heavily, she saw Castiel standing next to her nonchalantly. Her eyes narrowed.

"What the hell was that?" she hissed quietly. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"I'm sorry." Cas apologized. Lydia brushed some hair away from her face and starting walking again, hoping he'd go away. But he didn't; Cas caught up to her and walked alongside with her. They walked next to each other for a few seconds before Lydia sighed.

"So what are you doing here? I thought you weren't going to bother with me anymore."

Cas shrugged. "I wasn't."

"Then what are you doing here?" Lydia asked.

Cas stared straight ahead and said. "I needed to talk to you."

"Because that worked so well last time." Lydia snorted.

"When I told you I was an angel…"

"…Yeah?" Lydia said when he stopped mid-sentence.

"When I told you I was an angel," he continued. "Why were you so willing to believe me?"

Lydia turned her head to look at him. "You came back here just to ask me why I believe in angels?"

"Do you?"

Lydia shrugged. "It's possible. I never really considered it. But after my mom, I could believe in anything." She looked at Cas again. "Does that answer your question?"

"I believe so." Castiel answered, still not looking at her. "I was merely curious. It took Dean a while before he started to believe me."

They were both silent as they walked some more. But it was a comfortable silence for change. Lydia was almost hesitant as she said, "So an angel, huh? That's gotta be pretty cool."

Cas finally looked at her-he looked at her strangely, but looked at her nonetheless. "It's not as great as it sounds, I can assure you."

"What do you mean?" Lydia pushed him to go on.

"We are warriors of God," Cas said slowly as they walked down the dark street together. "We aren't how most people picture angels. We fight, we kill, we destroy. We are trained to show as little emotion as possible."

"You don't have any feelings?" Lydia was surprised. Cas was right-angels weren't what she had pictured at all.

Cas' features hardened slightly. "Not exactly. We have them, to an extent. We do not feel as deeply as humans do, nor do we show our feelings freely, but they are there."

"Oh…" Lydia nodded and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I'm kinda like the total opposite. I'm a Cancer. We're supposedly very emotional people." She joked.

Cas nodded as well. "I could tell. I find that interesting in humans."

"What, when we start screaming or crying?"

"Yes," Cas answered. "I find you all to be works of art."

Lydia raised her eyebrow. "Not all of us? Some of us are pretty scummy people."

"No you're not."

Lydia blushed. "I wasn't talking about me…but thanks?"

"You're welcome." Cas said awkwardly. They were almost to her apartment, Lydia noticed. She found herself wishing the walk was a little bit longer. Neither of them talked until they reached the complex. Lydia smiled at Cas and started walking in alone when she heard him say, "Lydia?" She turned and saw him holding her stash. "You forgot this?"

Lydia's hand flew to her back pocket where she put her drug and found that it was gone. "You…how…?" She raced over to him and snatched it back. "What the hell is wrong with you!" He didn't answer, just stared at her. She was so furious, she could've hit him. "How did you even know I had it!"

"Humans have been using drugs for recreation for centuries." Cas recited.

"Great, anything else you want to tell me?" Lydia snapped. "The price of wheat in China?"

Cas titled his head to the side. "How is that relevant?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's my point! You…" Lydia stomped the ground, frustrated. "See, I knew you were lying! You're trying to stage some angelic intervention, right?"

"No."

"Then what do you want with me?" Lydia cried, exasperated.

"Are you a hunter?" He asked her seriously.

"Am I…no! What does that have to do with anything?" Lydia was past frustrated-she was livid.

Cas nonchalantly said, "Dean never said how he knew you, just that you were an old friend. I thought you were a hunter and might be able to assist me."

Lydia was dumbfounded. "No, I'm not a hunter." She sighed. "Look, my mom was killed by a supernatural being when I was a teenager. That's how I know Dean and know about all this stuff. I have a totally normal life and I'm not interested in ever giving up my lifestyle, okay?" She slipped the heroin back into her pocket. "And that includes _everything_, even the bad and the ugly. I don't need to give up anything I do…" Her voice was a whisper now. "That includes my job and if I like to feel good every once in a great while." Then, a thought came to her mind and she added, "What do you need help with anyway?"

"Nothing." Cas said hastily. "If you're a hunter, it's not worth worrying about." Lydia sighed. "Alright. Just…please don't try to save me, alright?"

"Save you?" Cas questioned.

"Yeah, save me." Lydia crossed her arms. "Try to get me to quit…and no, I don't have a problem. It's just a once-in-a-while thing, alright? Anyway, please don't try to get me to quit my job at the smack, because really, I'm fine. You can still…you can come and visit if you want." She looked him straight in the eye. "But you have to promise you won't try to save me like I'm some lost cause that can be redeemed, okay?"

Cas nodded. "I had no intention of trying to save you, you'll be happy to know."

"Alright, good." Lydia held out her hand. "Pinky promise?"

Cas looked at her hand, puzzled. Lydia rolled her eyes put her hand down. "Never mind." She looked over her shoulder at her building. "It's late, alright? I'll talk to you later." She gave him a smile, then turned and walked back to the entrance. Once inside, she looked outside one last time and saw that he was already gone.


	6. Just Stay With Me

** (A/N)- DwyerCas with the 6****th**** chapter of "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" here! So, as usual, giant thank yous go out PrincessRachW for the Story Alert and InLoveAndCrazy for adding this story to your favorites, as well as Breean who totally rocks and put a Story Alert, Favorite Story, and Favorite Author. But as for the reviews, I kind of want to reply to you guys, so here ya go:**

** - Anyway, thank you for the review, and I totally get where you're coming from. I usually don't read or write romance, either. **

** ashlynnhartt- Thank you for regularly reviewing, it totally makes me smile. And yes, you so can. Lydia, in my mind, is the total opposite of Cas-she's an open book.**

** angeleyenc- Hi, I absolutely adore you for reviewing regularly. Just thought you should know. And yes, Cas needs Lydia just as much as Lydia needs Cas. They just don't know it yet.**

** xBlossom- Yeah, whenever somebody says something irrelevant to a conversation, my dad always says something about the price of wheat in China, so that's for him. And I adore that flatbread line. Thanks for reviewing!**

** InLoveAndCrazy-That was the plan from the beginning; Lydia is just Lydia. I always pictured Cas with an extremely flawed human who shows her emotions, because I think that flaws and emotions do fascinate him. Thank you for reviewing!**

** Mrs Scarlett- Thanks, I'm glad you think so. I actually love reviews, so I actually know that people like my work. So if my work actually sucks, don't hesitate to tell me! =P**

**Breean- Thank you for the favorites/Story Alerts. I've been working hard on this story- even if only for like 10 days. But thank you again!**

** And I want to thank forestreject who reviews regularly, so thank you so much for that. So yeah, since my 11:11 wishes don't work, I don't own Supernatural. On with the story!**

It took four days, but just like Lydia knew he would be, Cas was back. Lydia woke up earlier than usual-seven AM, almost two hours before she had to leave for work. Lydia kept on her pajamas and walked out to her living room and screamed out loud when she saw a figure sitting on her couch.

While her eyes adjusted to the dark and Lydia tried to catch her breath, she recognized the figure. She turned on the light and saw Cas sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"Hello." He looked up at her and said simply, then turned his attention back to the television.

"Um…" Lydia looked at the angel on her living room, astounded. "How did you get in?"

"Angels don't need doors." Cas still didn't take his eyes off the TV.

Lydia nodded. "Okay…ever think of calling before you show up?"

Cas looked at her. "Would you like me to call from now on?"

Lydia's mouth was wide open as she nodded slowly. "Kinda."

"Oh. My mistake." Cas said unapologetically. Lydia took a few steps forward and looked at what he was watching and felt the corners of her mouth turn upwards.

"Cas, why in God's name are you watching Dr Sexy M.D.?"

Cas looked at her and shrugged. "I saw Dean watching it once. Then he saw me and turned it off quickly."

Lydia laughed. Dear God, it was way too early to be doing this right now. "He watches Dr. Sexy M.D.? That's priceless."

Cas reached for the remote and shut off the TV, then looked at Lydia innocently. "Do you have any food?"

"Sure, what do you want?" Lydia went over to the kitchen and started looking through the cupboards.

"A hamburger."

Lydia looked at him with her eyebrow raised. "A hamburger? Seriously?" she asked him. Cas nodded slowly, like the answer was obvious. "Cas, it's seven in the morning!"

Cas' expression didn't exchange. "Yes?"

"You can't eat a hamburger in the morning!" Lydia laughed.

Cas' brow furrowed. "Why not? I do it all the time."

"Don't you ever eat breakfast food?" Lydia asked. He shook his head, and Lydia grabbed two bowls, two spoons, a carton of milk, and the box of Lucky Charms. "Well, there's a first time for everything. Behold the wonder that is cereal." She handed Cas the bowl and made her own cereal. She was brought the spoon to her mouth and was about to eat it, but saw Cas was just staring into the box of cereal. Lydia bit down on her lip to stop herself from laughing and shoved her own bowl into his hands. "Here, just take mine." Lydia fixed another bowl and started watching the TV as they both started eating.

"This is good." Cas said when the show broke for commercials.

"What, Dr. Sexy M.D.?" Lydia asked.

Cas shook his head and pointed at the Lucky Charms. "No, the cereal." He picked up two little marshmallows and promptly ate them. "I don't like those oat-like things though."

Lydia grinned. "It's alright, nobody does."

They both fell silent for another five minutes until Cas asked, "So what happened to your mother?"

Lydia felt her stomach do a flip and found that she couldn't eat anymore. "What do you mean?"

"You mentioned that when you were a teenager…"

"She died?"

Cas nodded. Lydia sighed, put down the bowl of Lucky Charms on the floor, and adjusted herself so she was facing Cas.

"See, my parents got divorced when I was only a couple months old, so I don't really talk to my dad. He was more like a phone call once a month and a gift on my birthday and Christmas, because he lived on the other side of the country from me." Cas nodded. He probably couldn't relate, but he was trying, which Lydia was thankful for. "So my mom pretty much raised me by herself. And she did a really good job. Money was tight, but y'know, she still scraped up some money to go on vacation every once in the while." Lydia had to swallow the lump in her throat. "Anyway, it was labor day weekend when I was fifteen years old. She decided that we should go camping up in the woods near Port Washington, where we lived at the time. It was a really great weekend, too…At least the first two days were." Lydia bit down on her lip determinedly; she was _not_ going to fall apart with Cas right there. "The second night, we were both sleeping in tent when I woke because I heard a noise. I shook my mom awake, and she went outside to check it out, probably thinking it was just a raccoon or something that got in the camp..."

"But it wasn't." It wasn't a question-it was a statement. Cas already knew what was coming.

Lydia nodded. "No. It was a boobooshaw." She looked at Cas and gave him a bitter, tight smile. "It's like the Native American version of bigfoot. Everyone thought it was an urban legend, but it wasn't. It was true." Lydia sighed heavily and dropped her gaze from Cas. "Anyway, it attacked my mother, and she died right there. I was in the tent and I was so scared that I couldn't move, like I was paralyzed. The next thing I knew, a man came into the tent and pulled me out of the tent." The memory of her mother's body on the ground was enough to hit Lydia with another wave of nausea. "Then the person had had grabbed me and another older man killed the monster, got rid of the body-there were no other campers for another two miles-and brought me to the forest ranger's station, then drove away. I was in shock, so I didn't say anything, but I remember them telling me they were John and Dean Winchester." Lydia smiled, a genuine smile. "And that's how Dean and I know each other."

Cas nodded thoughtfully. "Dean is very good at saving people." Then, "I'm sorry about your mother."

"Yeah he is." Lydia ran her fingers through her hair and sat back. "And don't worry about it. It was a long time ago. I moved on..." _Kinda_.Lydia looked at the clock and saw that she should probably start getting ready for work. "Crap, I have to get ready."

"Oh. Alright." Cas immediately stood up and walked to the door, Lydia right behind him. Once they reached the door, they both stared at each other. It was fairly obvious that neither of them wanted Cas to leave.

"Well, don't be a stranger. Come around whenever you want." Lydia said awkwardly.

Cas nodded and put his hand on the doorknob. "I'll visit when I can."

He started opening the door when Lydia suddenly cried out, "Wait!" Cas stopped and stared at her, and Lydia rushed forward and gave him a tight hug. Cas didn't move, and Lydia noticed how stiff he was in her arms. She pulled away and grinned sheepishly. "We're friends, Cas. Friends hug." Cas looked at her, and to her surprise, smiled, just the tiniest bit. Still smiling, he let himself out of the apartment, leaving Lydia alone. And Lydia couldn't help but feel lonely as she watched him go.


	7. Why Can't We Be Friends?

** (A/N)- Hi guys, just me trying to squeeze in one last chapter before vacation's over. As far as thank yous go, they go out to ViciousHypnosis, I LOVE Sparkley Scars and KissWithAFistx for the Story Alerts. And for reviews, thank you to angeleyenc and Breean. I don't own Supernatural, but I rent out Dean, Sam and Cas on weekends and holidays. (Yeah, I wish! I actually own nothing, nor do I rent out the characters ever)**

For another week or so, Lydia was on edge almost 90% of the time. She found herself waiting every minute of every day for Cas to show up again. Even her boss at the diner, Alyssa, who was an old friend of her mother's (how else would Lydia have gotten the job and been able to keep it?), noticed something was different with her.

"So what's up with you?" Alyssa asked when she and Lydia were cleaning up the diner when they were closing down the one day.

Lydia looked down at one of the tables as she wiped it clean-she knew exactly what Alyssa was talking about. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean?" Alyssa had the greatest BS meter Lydia had ever seen. "You know damn well what I'm talking about, Lydia Carmichael. There's something going on with you." When Lydia didn't answer her, Alyssa said slyly, "You got a boyfriend or something?"

"No!" Lydia responded way too quickly. She sounded so defensive, and Alyssa would definitely pick up on it.

"Yeah, I bet you don't." said Alyssa, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "So what's his name?"

Lydia's face flushed a deep red as she said, "Cas."

"Cas? That short for Casey?"

Lydia shook her head. "That's what I thought at first, but no. His name's Castiel."

"Wait? Castiel? I thought that was an angel's name."

"What?" Lydia's heart stopped. Besides the fact that he was an angel, Lydia really didn't know much about Castiel at all.

Alyssa walked forward towards Lydia. "Yeah. My Aunt Stephanie used to be really big on angels, and she gave me this necklace when I was thirteen." Alyssa reached for a heart-shaped locket and opened it. On the inside, the name _Castiel_ was engraved on the one side. On the other side, it said _Angel of Thursday_ with a light blue gem on the inside. "I was born on a Thursday, so she said the angel Castiel was supposed to be my guardian."

"Wow…" Lydia reached out and touched it. It was a pretty necklace, there was no denying that. She had no idea that Castiel was the angel of Thursday, though. She'd have to bring that up the next time she saw him. "I had no idea, to tell you the truth. I'll ask him about that. Maybe his parents were religious freaks or something." Lydia didn't have a clue about that either. He was an angel; who's an angel's parent?

Alyssa tugged the necklace off and held it out in front of Lydia. "How about you take it and show him?"

"Oh, no. I couldn't…" Lydia protested, but Alyssa took her hand and shoved the necklace in it.

"No, seriously honey, just take it." Alyssa shrugged. "And even if you don't want it or it doesn't work, you can always just pawn it."

Lydia laughed in disbelief. "Are you seriously encouraging me to pawn your aunt's necklace?"

"It's not _her_ necklace-it's _my_ necklace." Alyssa corrected. "And I only said that she was my aunt. I never said that I liked her."

"You're horrible!" Lydia burst out laughing.

"Got that right." Alyssa smirked. "Now go show that to your boyfriend. You can go, 'cause there's really not much left to do here."

"You sure?" Lydia asked.

"Positive. Now go." Alyssa waved her hand to usher Lydia away. Lydia went behind the counter and grabbed her keys and her jacket.

"And he's not my boyfriend. We're not dating."

Alyssa let out a short, half-assed laugh. "But you want to date him?"

Lydia shrugged as she put on her jacket. "I dunno. He doesn't live around here and his job gets in the way and we don't see each other a lot and we don't really know each other and I don't think he's interested and it probably wouldn't work…I'm going to stop talking now."

"And I'm going to take that as a yes!" called Alyssa as Lydia walked out the door of the diner.

Lydia shook her head and smiled as she walked home. It was getting cold out-it was the middle of October and the weather was starting to change. It wasn't actually _that _cold, like the weather she used to live with in Port Washington, but Lydia was constantly cold. Even if it was forty or fifty degrees, like it was right then, Lydia would still wear a jacket. She really did need a car. Too bad she could barely afford food, let alone a car.

She walked into her apartment and wasn't too surprised to see the angel of Thursday himself on her couch, eating (what else?)…Lucky Charms. When he saw her, he flashed her a small smile. "Hello."

"Hey Cas." Lydia threw off her jacket, dropped it and her purse on the floor. She plopped herself on the couch next to Cas and sat back, relaxed.

"You looked exhausted." Cas commented.

"I am." Lydia sighed deeply. "I've taken more shifts at both my jobs this week than I have in my entire life." She looked towards her purse, made a movement to get up and grab it, but fell back against the couch.

Cas tried to stand up. "Do you want me to go get it for you?"

"Nah, I got it." Lydia stood up and got it herself. "I wanted to show you something." She got the necklace out of her purse and handed it to him. "My boss gave it to me. I told her that I had a friend named Castiel, and her aunt gave her that necklace because she was born of a Thursday, and you're that angel of Thursday, y'know?"

"You didn't tell her I was an angel, did you?" Castiel looked slightly alarmed.

"What? No!" Lydia put his worries at ease. "Jeez, how dumb do you think I am?"

Cas looked at her and said, "I don't think you're dumb at all."

Lydia looked down at her lap and let her hair cover her face. "Anyway, no, she doesn't know the truth about my mom's death. The police classified it as an animal attack, so that's what I went along with. Nobody actually knows what happened except for me. And Dean, obviously."

Cas opened the locket and looked inside. "Angel of Thursday. That's me alright." There was unmistakable pride in his voice, but at the same time, Lydia could hear something else in his voice too. Was it bitterness?

"So tell me more about being an angel." Lydia curled up on the couch and made herself comfortable.

"What do you want to know?" Cas said, still interested in the necklace.

Lydia shrugged. "I dunno. Anything."

Cas sighed and put down the necklace. "I'm an angel of the Lord. The angel of Thursday, to be exact. I'm over 2,000 years old. This isn't my true form-it's only a vessel named Jimmy Novak. I rescued Dean from Hell and have since become friends with Dean and Sam. I am not an archangel, but I do posses certain abilities, though I have lost some of them because I was cut off from heaven." He turned his head to look at Lydia. "Anything else?"

Lydia shook her head. "No, I think that just about covers it." She thought for a second before saying, "So you want to explain some of that? Like the vessel part? And the part about Dean being in Hell? Oh, and maybe the clarification about being cut off from Heaven would be helpful."

"You're just like Dean. Always being sarcastic." Cas grimaced. "Angels are very powerful beings. My true form is as big as the Chrysler Building."

"Oh my God, really?" Lydia's mouth dropped open. Cas nodded.

"Yes. Most humans who see my true form cannot handle it. The same with my voice. That's why most angels use vessels on Earth, so we can communicate with humans."

"Wow." Lydia whispered more to herself than to Cas. "That's freaking amazing." She couldn't help but reach out and feel Cas' arm. "An angel the size of a skyscraper is seriously sitting next to me on my couch? That's probably the coolest thing that's ever happened to me." She let go of his arm and said, "So what is a vessel exactly? Do you just take any random person's body?"

"It doesn't work like that," Cas shook his head. "We don't possess people like demons do. We have to have permission from the vessel before we can take over their body. This vessel, Jimmy, was a devout man, and when I came to him, he agreed to be my vessel."

Lydia nodded. "That's cool that you guys actually ask before you take over…So Dean was in hell?"

"Yes. About two years ago, Sam was killed, and Dean made a deal with a crossroads demon. The deal was that Sam would be resurrected, but Dean would only have one year before he was sent to hell."

"He did!" Lydia felt her heart stop. "Why did he do that? What's wrong with him!"

"Dean and Sam are much closer than most brothers are," Cas explained. "They share a very deep bond. Even if it seems that they argue a lot, they are extremely close. Dean was desperate and heartbroken when Sam died, so he made the deal to get him back. And when Dean went to hell, Sam was just as bad off-he developed a severe drinking problem and Ruby…" Cas suddenly shook his head. "Never mind. That's besides the point. So yes, Dean was in hell for four months before I pulled him out."

"I swear to God Castiel, you get more and more interesting every time you open your mouth." Lydia stared in awe at the angel. "So that's how you know Dean and Sam?" Cas nodded. "Okay, that's two down, one to go. Wanna tell me about your 'abilities'?"

Cas didn't answer her. He just stared at Lydia's purse. Lydia blinked, and suddenly her purse was on the other side of the room.

"Okay, I lied. _That_ is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me."

Cas looked proud of himself for impressing her. "It's nothing special. All angels have these powers. The archangels are much more powerful than I."

"So what?" Lydia retorted. "I don't care about the archangels or what they can do. Show me something else."

Now Cas was _extremely_ proud of himself. He had never met a human that was as interested in him as she was. The feeling of it made him much more powerful than he usually did, especially since be cut off from Heaven.

"Alright…" Cas used his telekinesis to get a kitchen knife from one of Lydia's drawers into his hand.

"Cas…" Lydia looked excited and frightened at the same time. Smirking at her, Cas grabbed the knife and stabbed himself in the chest.

"Holy shit!" Lydia's hands flew to her mouth. She stared at the knife in Cas' chest and her eyes widened. Cas, still smirking at her, calmly grabbed the hilt of the knife and gingerly pulled it out of his chest. "That is the…"

"Don't say the coolest thing you've ever seen."

Lydia smiled and stuck her tongue out at him. "Okay, fine. It's _one_ of the coolest things I've ever seen."

Cas looked down at his hands, smiling. He never smiled this much when he was around Sam and Dean, only with her. How strange. He felt his smile began to fade when he felt the wound healing, though. Lydia seemed to pick up on it right away. "What's wrong? It doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No, no." Cas assured her. "It's just not as easy to heal as it was before."

"Oh. Because you're cut off from heaven, right?"

Cas nodded. "I actually don't know what that means, I just heard you say it and thought it was the right answer." Lydia confessed.

"It means that I rebelled against Heaven. They believed I was too emotionally involved with helping the Winchesters, especially Dean, and they started questioning my motives. Eventually they just cut me off completely."

Lydia exploded. "What! Why? What exactly were you doing with Sam and Dean?"

"I was helping them trying to stop the apocalypse." Cas replied, his eyes downcast.

"And God kicked you out of Heaven for it?" Lydia looked at him in disbelief.

"Not God. The other angels."

Lydia shook her head. "That's so stupid. Aren't angels supposed to help people?"

"No. We are warriors. The image of angels helping people and playing harps is completely false." Cas explained to her. Lydia nodded, understanding a bit.

"So you're like a soldier. And you fight against demons?"

"Most of the time, yes." Cas said. "That's why angels are not encouraged to show emotions. We're trained to be warriors. Emotions can cloud our judgment."

"Being an angel doesn't sound that great all of the sudden." Lydia was engrossed in the conversation and the angel, she didn't even notice how close she and Cas were actually sitting.

Cas shrugged. "It has its benefits." He looked at Lydia, and without a word, they both stared into each other's eyes.

_Dear God, this is turning into a cheesy movie…_ Lydia thought to herself, but then pushed the thought out of her mind. She took a deep breath, then boldly leaned forward and gave Cas a quick peck on the lips. She pulled back as quickly as she had pushed forward and saw that Castiel hadn't moved, only shut his eyes. With a sudden rush of adrenaline, Lydia leaned forward and kissed him, long and passionate. Lydia felt Cas stay where he was, not moving an inch, but then felt him give into her kiss-but only for a second. After that short, blissful second, Cas pulled away and leapt off the couch.

"I need to go." He said sharply. Lydia felt frozen to the couch as she watched Cas pace the floor, running a hand through his hair.

"Cas, I'm really sorry…" Lydia stood up with shaking knees before Cas grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer to him so they were mere inches apart.

"Lydia, never do that again." Cas looked at her seriously, all emotion gone from his face.

"But…"

Cas' grip on her wrist tightened even more. "Lydia."

Lydia felt the sting of rejection well up inside her. "Jesus Christ, Cas, it was just a kiss! If you're not interested, you can just say something. You don't need to freak out about it!"

"It's not that. It's…" Cas let go of Lydia and walked towards the door. Lydia felt that all they ever did was race for the door whenever they saw each other. "Were you not listening to me? I said that emotions can cloud an angel's judgment.

"But you said you were cut off from Heaven!" Lydia cried. "I didn't think it mattered!"

"Of course it matters." Cas said coldly. "Just…if it's too hard for you not to have feelings for me, I will just stay away…"

Lydia's anger burned hotly. "Are you freaking kidding? You think that I can't control myself? Don't flatter yourself! I could find somebody else to be with-someone with actual emotions and doesn't have personal space issues. Or wings!"

"You're not being reasonable." Cas accused.

"You're the one who freaked out when I kissed you!" Lydia couldn't control herself anymore. She opened the door and shoved the angel out of her apartment. "And don't bother coming back, because I'll be too busy 'trying to control myself' if you do!" She slammed the door shut and stomped back to the living room. She lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling for a while. When she finally got up almost an hour later, she noticed that Cas had left the necklace on the floor.


	8. I Can't See Me Lovin' Nobody But You

** (A/N)- Hi guys, it's me doing another crazy-fast update, because I'm on vacation and I have no life. The updates are probably going to be a little bit slower starting tomorrow when I go back to school (I got Monday off! Woo!), but I'm going to try to update as much as I can. I'm just as addicted to writing this story and some of you apparently are to reading it. Cookies go out to Breean, Bobadoo, Pistachio Chic, angeleyenc, Flying Ferret, Erik C, xBlossom and Juniper Watershadow, who also put this story under their favorites. But my biggest thank you is for KissWithAFistx, who made a suggestion in her review for this chapter, and I decided that it was so good that I put it in my story. So thank you so much and I hope you like what I did with your suggestion.. And I still don't own Supernatural. I'm kind of upset about it too.**

_That stupid, selfish, egotistical, self-absorbed, intolerable, annoying son of a bitch…_ Lydia thought to herself as she swept the floor of the diner the next day. It was night time, and she and Alyssa were closing down again. It was unbelievable how much things in changed in 24 hours. She was still completely furious and humiliated because of what had happened the night before with Cas and every time his name came to mind, she had about a hundred unflattering adjectives for him. Almost every single person that she came in contact with that day, especially the customers, made her want to punch something. Alyssa, as always, could read her easily and backed off for the most part. When they were closing up, however, she decided it was time for Lydia to snap out of her mood.

"Okay, something's up with you." Alyssa said as she watched Lydia sweep. Actually, it was more like hitting the floor with the broom. The poor broom.

"You said that yesterday." Lydia grumbled.

Alyssa shook her head. "No, it's different than yesterday. You're upset." Lydia stayed silent. "Boy issues?"

"Jesus Christ Alyssa!" Lydia yelled. "Can't you be _wrong_ for once!"

Alyssa gave her a cocky smile. "Nope." Then she said, "So things didn't work out between you and that Cas guy, huh?"

"No. No they didn't." Lydia said sharply, still sweeping.

"That's a shame," Alyssa remarked. "But you know, the best way to get over someone is to date someone else."

Lydia raised an eyebrow as she put the broom away. "You want me to date someone else to get over him?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Lydia rolled her eyes. "We weren't even dating. It was just a stupid little thing. I'm over it."

"Okay, great." Alyssa said. "You're over him. Go out with someone else."

"Why bother? There was nothing to get over anyway."

Alyssa smirked. "I thought you just said you were over him. How can you be over him if there was nothing to get over in the first place?"

Lydia narrowed her eyes. "Sometimes I really hate you, Alyssa, I really do."

Alyssa laughed. "Whatever helps you sleep at night." In a serious voice, Alyssa added, "But I mean it when I said you should try dating other people. You always look so alone and miserable. It'd be good for you."

"Yeah, maybe," Lydia thought for a few seconds. "Too bad I don't know any guys."

"I do!" Alyssa flashed her a smile. "Yeah, my friend's son is real cute. He's a good guy, and he's just about your age, maybe a tiny bit older. He's real nice, you'd like him."

"Are you trying to set me up?" The corners of Lydia's mouth turned upwards.

Alyssa nodded as she said, "Yup. He actually works at coffee shop on Maple. You should go see if he's working there now."

"It's nine at night."

Alyssa brushed off Lydia's last comment. "It's open 24 hours. Just go see."

Lydia sighed. "Alright, fine. What's his name?"

"Alex."

Lydia nodded. "Eric. Not bad. What's he look like?"

Alyssa shook her head. "Oh no. You go and find out for yourself." Lydia opened her mouth to protest. "He has blonde hair, I'll tell you that much, alright? Now go."

Lydia smiled and gave Alyssa a tiny wave as she left the diner. "See you tomorrow." Lydia started the five minute walk to Maple, thanking God that she didn't start work at Northern Exposure until midnight. Lydia eventually reached the coffee shop and walked in. She saw a man about her age making some sort of drink, but felt both annoyed and relieved when she saw that he had dark hair. As far as she could see, he was the only one working, but as long as she was here, she might as well get a coffee. God knows she needed one. She took out her wallet and saw that she had a little money left. "Can I get an iced cappuccino?"

"Sure." The man started working on her drink. Lydia saw when he got a text message, then looked at the door as if expecting someone. He gave Lydia her drink and leaned up against the counter as she sat at one of the tables and sipped her iced coffee. They sat in silence for a little while before he asked, "Is your name Lydia?"

"Yeah…" Lydia looked at him, trying to remember if they met before. Then it clicked. "Alex?"

"I'm Alex, yeah." They both looked confused. "You know Alyssa?"

Lydia nodded. "Yeah. She sent me here to meet you, but she said you had blonde hair…"

"She said _you_ had blonde hair…"

Lydia was _majorly_ confused. "How did you talk to her? How did you know about me?"

Alex held up his phone. "She just text me saying that a girl with blonde hair named Lydia was coming in and that I should talk to her…"

Lydia couldn't help but burst out laughing. "She _would_ pull something like this!" When Alex looked confused, Lydia clarified, "She tried to set us up, but lied about our hair color to see if we'd talk to each other naturally."

"Yeah, that sounds like Alyssa alright." Alex smiled. He was good looking, Lydia had to agree with Alyssa. He just came across as…plain. You wouldn't have picked him out of a crowd. He had a nice smile, and his eyes were alright, but for a second, Lydia couldn't help but picture another set of electric blue eyes…

No. She wouldn't go there. She wouldn't think about him. Lydia turned all her focus to Alex and grinned at him. "Well, you should come sit with me. We can talk."

Alex took her invitation and sat with her. They ended up talking for almost an hour before another customer wandered in.

"Well, duty calls." Alex got up and took care of the customer. Lydia gathered her things, and once the customer was gone, went up to Alex.

"I have to go anyway." She really did-her shift started in two hours, and she needed to get ready. "I guess I'll see you around." She waved and promptly left the café.

Lydia was barely out of the café before she heard a familiar voice say, "He's not good for you."

Lydia rolled her eyes as she laughed bitterly-she didn't even have to look to see who was talking to her. "Why do you care, Cas? What are you even doing here?"

"I came here to see you." Cas told her truthfully.

"You wanna tell me why?" Lydia tried walking faster, but Cas kept in pace with her.

"I want to apologize for last night."

Lydia barked a laugh. "Don't bother. You're an angel. You can't even feel apologetic."

Cas sighed. "Lydia, I mean it. I'm sorry."

"Don't waste your breath, Cas. I might end up throwing myself all over you like some stripper or something." Lydia snapped sarcastically.

"I'm sorry if you have developed any feelings for me, but I just can't…"

"Yes you can! God dammit Cas, yes you can!" Lydia practically screamed. "You're just too afraid to try to return my feelings! I _know_ you feel something for me, alright? Hell, you rebelled against Heaven already! You're already thrown out! So what's kissing a human going to do to make it any worse?"

Cas' stern wall on his face was slowly crumbling. "You don't understand…"

"No, I don't, Cas. I really don't!" Lydia stopped and turned to stare directly in his face. "So please enlighten me. What is so bad about kissing me?"

"Angels cannot fall for humans," Cas regained some composure. "It is heavily frowned upon…"

Lydia rolled her eyes and started to walk away, but Cas remained right next to her. "I cannot believe you. You…" Lydia felt her eyes burn with tears. "You rebelled against Heaven for Dean. Why can't you rebel for me too?"

"You don't love Alex," Cas changed the subject. "You don't feel anything for him."

"I never claimed to love him!" Lydia shot back.

"You're using him to spite me. I saw it in your eyes when you were talking to him."

"So you were watching me?" Lydia accused.

Cas sighed again. "You _should_ be with someone else than is able to love you Lydia. Just not out of spite…"

"This has nothing to do with spite!" Lydia was horrified to hear a sob come out of her mouth. "I can be happy without you! I barely know you anyway! I can be with someone else and finally be happy instead of being miserable all the time."

"I wish you wouldn't." Cas quietly confessed.

Lydia wiped the tears that were running down her face. "You're not the only person that can accept the drugs and the stripping, y'know. I deserve to be happy Cas."

"I _want_ you to be happy." Cas looked at her. "But you're not going to be happy by being with another man to replace me."

"I never had you. How can I replace you?" Lydia stared at her shoes. Cas didn't answer. Lydia continued. "Do you feel anything for me, Cas?" Cas looked up at the sky, hoping to avoid this conversation. "I need to know. Do you?"

"No." Cas looked away.

Lydia stopped and pulled his shoulder so he was facing her. "Cas, look me in the eye and tell me that you don't feel anything for me."

Cas couldn't. He just looked away again. She knew he felt something for her. Maybe not love, but he still felt something.

"Please don't do this," Cas said. "Date someone you love. Just not Alex. I want you to be with someone because you want to, not because you're trying to get over me."

Lydia shook her head. "Just go away."

He obeyed, and just like that, Cas was gone. Lydia reached her apartment a short time later and threw herself on her bed, sobbing. She didn't know if she loved the angel, but she thought about him constantly and wanted him with her at all times. _So maybe that is love after all. Huh._ Lydia was still crying when she finally fell asleep, clutching the necklace with his name on the inside.


	9. It Only Takes a Moment

**(A/N)- 9 chapters in and 43 reviews! That is freaking awesome. Thank you guys so much for all the reviews and just for reading the story in general. Thank yous (Come on, you knew this was coming!) go out to Breean and angeleyenc for reviewing and Inferii for the add to the favorites list. Supernatural isn't owned by me at all. I'm just a dorky fan girl who's writing a fan fiction instead of doing her Geometry homework. And for those of you who haven't heard…Supernatural OFFICALLY gets a Season 7! It was confirmed today, and I am so happy about it. There's also rumors running around saying that Misha's being written off, but there's no word about that yet. Anyway, let us rejoice for Season 7!**

It was only a week after Lydia had first met Alex, and she was already getting ready for her third date with him. She couldn't believe how fast the week had gone by. Alex was everything that Alyssa said he was; he was smart, he was charming, and he was one of the nicest guys Lydia had ever met. And Alyssa wasn't lying when she said he was cute. But that's all he was-nice and cute. His personality was just all-around boring. When she kissed him, there was just nothing-no sparks, no fireworks-absolutely nothing. It made Lydia want to scream. And here she was on a Friday night, getting ready for a date that she didn't want to go on with a boy that she didn't even like. Lydia was fully dressed in a nice shirt and leggings as she sat in front of her mirror in her bedroom, straitening her hair.

Suddenly, Lydia heard what sounded like the flapping of wings and felt a rush of air. She didn't even have to turn around-she could see him in her mirror. "You're back."

"Yes." Cas said, looking around her bedroom. He hadn't ever seen it before. It

was dirty and small, but comfortable. Cas slowly watched Lydia as he sat on her bed.

Lydia unplugged the straightener and smoothed her hair out, before deciding to tease it up. "So why are you here?" She then noticed that the angel was sitting on her bed, dirty clothes surrounding him. "And why the hell are you on my bed?"

"I wanted to sit down." Cas reasoned. Lydia rolled her eyes and continued fixing her hair.

"Alright, great. Now why are you _here_ in my apartment?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

Lydia laughed, still angry with him. "We all want stuff Cas."

"Lydia..." Cas got off her bed and sat next to her on the floor. Lydia felt her heart skip and she noticed her breathing became irregular, but she just took a few deep breaths, trying not to look at him.

"You're going out with Alex tonight, correct?" He asked her.

"What does it matter?" Lydia snapped.

Cas kept staring at her, even if she refused to make eye contact with him. "It matters because...because I am happy for you."

Lydia stopped and turned around to look at Cas. "You are?"

"Yes," Cas said, but now it was _him_ who wouldn't look at her. "I realize now how I sounded last week. I only meant to tell you that I am glad that you met someone who makes you happy." Cas looked uncomfortable as he said, "You were right when you said that you deserved to be happy."

"Yeah, but that's not what you said..."

Cas cut her off. "I won't be bothering you anymore. I won't be back unless you want me to."

Lydia felt her heart rate quicken. This sounded like a goodbye...it had to be a goodbye...this _couldn't_ be a goodbye. "So what, you're leaving, just like that?"

"I was under the impression that you wanted me to leave." Cas looked up, and their eyes made contact for the first time that night.

Lydia shook her head. "No, I didn't say that...Well, maybe I did, but I didn't mean it. You don't have to stay away just because I'm dating Alex." _I'm dating Alex._ The words sounded strange in her mouth. _Alex and Lydia. Lydia and Alex. It doesn't sound as good as Lydia and...No. Don't go there._

"Oh. My mistake." Cas' voice was controlled. "We can still be friends?"

"Yeah." Lydia opened her mascara and started putting it on. Cas was watching her as she did and Lydia was going to make a comment about it, but then realized he had probably never seen a girl put on makeup before. She couldn't blame the poor guy for being curious. "It's called mascara Cas. It makes my eyelashes look darker and bigger."

"What was wrong with them before? Your eyes looked perfect the way they were before."

Dammit. Lydia felt her face go red. She hated how Cas seemed to make her blush every time she saw him. "Most girls wear makeup. It's just what we do."

"But why?"

Lydia shrugged. "I dunno. It makes us look prettier."

"I thought you looked pretty without the makeup," Cas said. "Personally, I thought you looked better without all of that on your face."

Lydia laughed. "Stop pulling the Bruno Mars crap." She found herself almost enjoying his company again. It was amazing how she wanted to slap him one day, but then could laugh and joke around with him the next. Then, the doorbell rang. "Shit!" Lydia hissed. "You have to go. He's here!" Cas nodded and was gone in an instant. Lydia stood up, smoothed out her shirt, and opened the door to find Alex at the door.

"Hey." Lydia smiled at him.

He smiled back. "Hi. Ready to go?"

"Yup, let's go." Lydia locked her door and left with Alex. They went to a movie-some stupid romantic comedy- and then went out to a restaurant.

"So I got a question." Alex said as she ate his cheeseburger.  
>"Yeah?" Lydia took a bite of her salad.<p>

"What exactly _is_ your second job?" Alex asked her. Lydia froze and left her fork hanging in mid-air.

Alex continued. "I know you worked at the diner, and you mentioned you had a second job, but you never told me what you did."

Lydia stared at her food and tried not to panic. "Well, it's…" she sighed. This was the hard part-telling her date about Northern Exposure. She had been on dates with four different guys-not counting Alex- since she moved to Iowa, and they all went the same way, every single time. They'd gone on a few dates and things would be going great…until Lydia told them about her job as a stripper. Everything went downhill from there. The first two guys nodded politely and got through the rest of the date, but after that, Lydia never heard from them again. The one guy tried to do exactly what she told Cas not to do-tried to save her-but Lydia would have none of it. And the last guy…he was gone when Lydia came back from the bathroom. She wasn't sure how Alex was going to take the news.

"Okay, I'll be totally honest with you, alright?" Lydia looked at him nervously. Alex just shook his head and smiled. "I'm a stripper."

"…Oh?" Lydia noticed his smile falter a bit, then disappear altogether. "You are?"

"Only when I need money," Lydia lied. "I don't…I don't take money for sex. It's not like that…"

Alex looked away and nodded. "You know Lydia, you're a really nice girl…but I don't think I could…"

"Save it." Lydia stood up, grabbed her coat, and stormed out of the restaurant. It wasn't until she was two blocks away from the restaurant before she realized tears were streaming down her cheeks. She sniffled and brushed them away. She wasn't one of those girls that never cried-if she need a good cry, she'd cry-but she never remembered being this weepy all the time.

_Is this what these guys have reduced me to?_ Lydia couldn't help but smile at herself. _A weepy, blubbering mess?_ Then, Lydia pictured Cas' face in her mind and broke down in tears again. _Apparently so._ She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. Cas was right-Alex was just an excuse to make Cas jealous, and she didn't even know if that had worked. Maybe she had gotten what she deserved-Alex rejecting her-but it still hurt. She doubted she'd ever find anyone who could accept her lifestyle. None of the guys she ever dated had ever gotten close to finding about the drugs. The thought of being alone usually didn't bother her, but on nights like tonight, when her insecurities finally got to her, the thought scared her to death.

Lydia had gained some control and wasn't sobbing by the time she reached her apartment, but tears were still flowing silently. She opened her apartment and put her coat away, trying to get rid of the tears. She sniffed unhappily as she walked into her living room. She jumped when she saw Cas on her couch and quickly turned her head, trying to conceal the fact that she was crying from him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice thick with tears. Her attempt to hide her emotions had failed miserably-Cas was on his feet the minute he heard her speak.

"Lydia?" Cas gently touched her shoulder, but Lydia shrugged his hand off, still hiding her face. "What did he do to you?" Cas ignored her earlier reaction and brushed the curtain of hair away so he could see her face. Lydia felt more tears fall from her eyes and shoved him away. She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it behind her. She was falling apart at the seams, her emotions were all over the place, and she didn't know how much more she could take. She sat on the bathroom toilet and tried to calm herself down, but it didn't really work; she only ended up crying harder.

"Lydia, open the door." Lydia heard Cas say from outside the door. Open the door and let him see her having the biggest mental breakdown ever? Yeah right. She just started dabbing her eyes with tissues and tried to be as quiet as possible as she sobbed.

"Cas, I'm fine. Just go." Lydia tried to keep her voice as normal as possible.

Cas was silent on the other side of the door for a few seconds, then said, "Lydia, please open the door." Lydia didn't move. Finally, she heard Cas give a long sigh and hoped that he was finally leaving.

If only she should be so lucky. Instead of leaving, Cas appeared right in front of her. Lydia screamed and jumped. She forgot that he could teleport or fly or whatever it was he did. She sighed and covered her face with her hands. "Really? You have to come inside my bathroom when I'm having a huge breakdown? Could this get anymore awkward?"

Cas didn't seem to be bothered that he was alone in a bathroom with her. His concentration was solely on her. "Lydia…" He was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her skin, and losing all self control, collapsed against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She was expecting him to stay rigid like he usually did, but was surprised when she felt his arms around her. Cas didn't seem to be used to holding a girl in his arms and held her somewhat awkwardly, but Lydia still felt comforted by his presence.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Lydia murmured, "Thanks." She sniffed and released Cas, wiping the last of her tears away. She smiled when she saw Cas' concerned eyes looking at her. "God, I'm a mess."

Cas hesitantly reached forward and wiped away a stray tear on her cheek. "Are you done crying?"

Lydia nodded, sighing. "Yeah, I'm done. I hope."

Cas nodded, eyes still locked on her. "What happened with Alex?" Lydia looked away uncomfortably. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine to…" Cas quickly apologized.

"He just…" Lydia shrugged and threw her hands in the air. "He did what any sane person would do, y'know? I told him about my job at the club and he just didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore." Cas opened his mouth, but Lydia didn't even notice. "Every time I go on a date with someone, it ends the same way. They find out about my job and it's over, just like that. I've never found somebody that doesn't immediately leave when they find out…"

"I didn't leave." Cas said quietly.

Lydia stopped dead in her tracks, mid-rant, and looked at the angel, her eyes wide. It finally hit her-Castiel _didn't_ leave. An angel of the Lord, who was probably innocent as could be, was the one person that didn't leave. It was so ironic and so touching that Lydia had to fight back tears again-the last thing she needed was more waterworks.

She finally smiled and jokingly hit Cas on the shoulder. "No. You didn't leave, did you?" They stared at each other for a few seconds before Lydia broke eye contact. "Look, I'm really tired. I'll see you later?"

Cas nodded, then _really_ shocked Lydia-he hugged her gently. When they broke apart, he said, "Friends hug, remember?"

"I always knew you were a big softy," Lydia joked. "I must be growing on you."

Cas gave her a small smile before completely disappearing. Lydia stared at the space where he once was, then got off the toilet and went out of the bathroom. Her heart was immediately filled with self-loathing at what her mind and body were telling her to do, but she couldn't control it any longer. It had been days since Lydia's last dose, and she needed a fix. Within ten minutes, Lydia was sitting on her bed, injecting the heroin into her system. Her addiction had slowly been getting worse, and her worse fear was coming true-she truly was addicted to the drug. But right then, all she could feel was a great rush, and then nothing but relaxation.


	10. Sparks Fly

**(A/N)- Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Thank you to Mrs Scarlett, KissWithAFistx, Bobadoo, Breean, angeleyenc, moonpiegirl, and ViciousHypnosis for reviewing, and thank you to DeanFan and moonpiegirl for adding this story to your favorites. And FantaPieLand for adding me to your favorite authors, as well as whit loves him for the story and author alerts, as well as the add to your favorites list.**** And I don't own Supernatural, because if I did, Rufus would still be alive and we'd have more chick flick moments.**

The next three weeks were a downward spiral. Lydia's drug problem slowly began growing worse. She was a total and complete addict. She was spending close to $500 a week to get enough heroin. She was working less and less at the diner and more and more at the club. Cas visited her every few days, but thankfully, she was never high when he showed up. She usually planned it so she was somewhat-clean when he was around, and the minute he left, she would shoot up. Everyone at club couldn't have been bothered to care, but if Alyssa and Cas noticed, they didn't mention anything. Lydia was almost certain that Alyssa knew that she was doing something, but she never said anything to indicate that she did. Cas always acted pretty normal around her, so Lydia acted normal as she could around him. She could feel herself losing weight, and frankly, she looked awful, but Lydia never once considered giving up her drug of choice.

Things changed one afternoon. Lydia had just finished her shift at the diner and went home to eat. That's when the craving started. Lydia needed to shoot up, and she needed to shoot up now. She was almost sweating with the effort not to-Cas was going to show up any day now, and she didn't want him to see her life this-but her internal struggle only last seconds before she grabbed the needle. It felt so good, and Lydia's rush was just starting when Cas appeared.

"Hey, Cassie-boy!" Lydia giggled and waved when she saw him. Cas looked at her uneasily.

"Jeez, you got a stick up your ass or something?" Lydia laughed as she laid there on her couch. "You look pissed."

"Lydia, are you alright?" Cas seemed concerned.

"I…I am, like, having an orgasm right now, that's how awesome I am." Lydia gasped as she stared right past Cas. "You want some?"

Cas' eyes narrowed. "Have you been using?"

"Uh…yeah!" Lydia said like it was obvious. "Duh!" Then, she sighed in happiness. "You can honestly not imagine how _awesome_ it feels!" Lydia looked back at him. "We both should get high." She paused. "Then have sex."

Cas' eyes were as bigger as saucers. "Lydia, I think you should try to sleep…"

Lydia laughed like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. "Sleep! Are you joking!" Lydia stood up and tried to balance herself. She failed miserably and fell to the floor, still laughing hysterically.

"Lydia, I really think you should go to bed…" Cas walked towards her and touched her shoulders when Lydia collapsed into giggles again.

"Cas, stop poking me!"

Cas immediately let go and backed away from her. "I wasn't…."

"Yeah you are!" Lydia argued. She tried to look angry, but ended up dissolving in laughter. "I am _so_ high right now, it's like…amazing."

Cas nodded, then quickly picked her up off the couch. He threw her over his back and started carrying her to her bedroom.

"Cas, it's like friggin' fireworks!" Lydia exclaimed as Cas literally dragged her to her bed. "They're everywhere! Boom…boom…boom!"

Cas finally put Lydia on her bed. Her breath seemed to be slowing, and he could see that the drug was wearing off. Taking the opportunity before she had a chance to say anything else, Cas put two fingers to her head and Lydia crashed into unconsciousness.

Cas sighed-she was finally sleep. He knew her problem had been getting worse, but he had no idea it was this bad. The human body, he knew, could only take so much, and her body was reaching the breaking point. She studied her face when she was sleeping. He had always imagined that she would look beautiful and peaceful when she was sleeping, but that wasn't the case. She looked troubled and miserable. Cas wanted to help, but couldn't see how he possibly could. She would just push him away and accuse him of trying to "save her." Then Cas saw the needles on the ground, and his mind was immediately made up. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, this girl needed help, and she needed it bad. No, Cas wasn't going to let her destroy herself. She needed him.

Cas thought about checking in on Sam and Dean for a moment, then decided against it. They could wait. Instead, Cas sat on the other end of Lydia's bed-making sure there was plenty of space between them-and waited. He ended up waiting for almost an hour before Lydia finally stirred.

"Wha…Cas?" Lydia propped herself up on her elbows. "What happened…?" Cas saw her a light bulb go off in her head, remembering what happened before. He saw her face go dangerously angry and braced himself for the tongue lashing that seemed to be coming at any second.

"What the _hell_?" Lydia hissed, voice dangerously controlled, but still filled with venom. "Cas, what the hell did you do?"

"You were losing your grip on reality," Cas said. She needed to hear the truth. "I put you to sleep so you could recover."

All hell broke loose. "Cas, that's the fucking point!" Lydia started yelling. "That's what it's supposed to do! It's supposed to make you feel better!" Lydia's face went white with realization. "Why would you put me unconscious? I missed my whole high! That was the last dose that I had!"

"And the last one you ever will have."

"Who the hell do you think you are!" Lydia screamed. "Don't you dare tell me…" She suddenly leapt off the bed. "I'm gonna throw up." She raced to the bathroom, and true to her word, began vomiting into the toilet. Cas tried to hold her hair behind her, but she shoved him away, shouting curses in between her dry heaves. Cas finally resigned to watching her, even though the sight almost destroyed him. How did he not notice what was happening before? How did he let it get this bad?

Finally, once the contents of stomach were finally emptied, Lydia managed to turn around the slightest bit and looked at Cas. Glaring at him, she said, "You've got some kind of nerve, you know that?" Cas was about to comment back when Lydia started to grill into him. "You ruin everything! We're okay for a little while, then you go and do something stupid and we end up like this again! Why can't you just take me or leave me!"

"Lydia, this needs to stop," Cas said sternly, like a teacher or a parent reprimanding a child. "You are going to kill yourself…"

"I don't want to hear it!" Lydia was on her feet on a second, but started swaying, and Cas barely caught her as she fell. She tried fighting him and making him let go of her, but Cas' arms stayed locked around her, refusing to leave until he was positive that she could stand on her own. Lydia stayed there unwillingly for a few seconds until Cas let her go. The second he did, she reached out and slapped him across the face.

"OW! You son of a bitch!" Lydia screamed from the pain that was shooting through her hand. "Are you freaking made out of rocks?" She stared at him, still breathing heavily. "Why are you still here?"

"You need to stop using the drugs."

Lydia yelled, "Get out of my apartment! I'm fine! Now go!" She pointed to the door, but Cas stayed rooted to the spot where he was standing.

"Lydia, you are not fine. You will die." Cas' eyes were locked on her. Lydia sighed, put down the lid on the toilet, and sat down.

"Cas, you said you weren't going to pull this crap…"

"Things have changed," Cas said quietly. "I can't bear to see you self-destruct."

Lydia looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"I can't…I can't…"

"Yes you can," Cas insisted. "Please try." Lydia shook her head, trying to block out his words. "Try for me."

"I _can't_!" Lydia sobbed.

"Can't or won't?" He asked. Her tears just fell harder.

Cas was growing desperate. There had to be something-some way to make her realize, make her listen…No. He wouldn't do it. Emotions couldn't be brought into this. He's only end up hurting her…

And suddenly, he didn't care. Cas, in one swift motion, took a step forward, grabbed Lydia's wrist, pulled her to her feet, and their lips collided passionately.

They kiss only lasted a few seconds before Lydia pulled away and put her head against his chest. Cas grabbed her shoulder tightly and tried to rub them soothingly, though he never had to comfort a person before in his life. Lydia didn't seem to notice-she kept her forehead pressed against his chest, her eyes shut tightly. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Lydia looked up at him. Cas finally noticed what color her eyes were-they were hazel. And they were beautiful.

"Why?" she asked simply.

Cas didn't answer her. He simply cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again. He felt her give in, but then pull away again.

"Why are you fighting for me?"

"Because you're worth fighting for." He replied. He kissed her again.

"Promise me you'll try." Cas pleaded.

Lydia shook her head. "Please, Lydia." She shook her head again, but Cas only kissed her again, harder and longer.

"Lydia, please." He looked into her eyes. Finally, with a shaky breath, Lydia answered him.

"Promise not to leave me?"

Cas nodded-he'd never dream of it, Heaven and Hell be damned. He saw the answer in her eyes. She'd try to get better. For him. And that's all he was asking for. He brought his hands down, but kissed her again, finally seeing the fireworks Lydia was talking about.


	11. Baby's Black Balloon Make Her Fly

**(A/N)- And thus, the plot thickens! This is the eleventh chapter of the story of Cas and Lydia. (Lydia and Cas? I don't know which one I like better) Anyway, the awesome people who deserve lots of love for reviewing are Breean, xBlossom whit loves him, angeleyenc, Kali-WolfChilde and Truth-Between-the-Lies. Kali-WolfChilde deserves extra cookies because she pressed the Favorite Story and Favorite Author buttons, and so does Truth-Between-the-Lies for adding this to their favorites and putting be under an Author Alert. So, thanks. And this kind of goes out to everybody. It's totally up you, but if you want, send me a PM or a review naming one or two songs that remind you of Cas and Lydia. It could be the Beatles, Justin Bieber, Metallica, Tim McGraw, Eminem, nevershoutnever!-any and all kinds of music. I want to try to incorporate some of the songs into an upcoming chapter, and possibly use the rest for chapter titles. Why? I don't really know! I just thought it'd be a fun idea. And I'm going to make a list of all the songs that I use as chapters or in the actual story. Why, you ask? Again, because I'm bored and want to pretend that people actually care about what songs I use. So send me your songs and your reviews. And send Eric Kripke your love, because he owns. Not moi.**

Cas was sitting on Lydia's couch, her head on his shoulder as she slept. She still didn't look peaceful and angelic, but she had fallen asleep with a smile on her face. Castiel was grateful for that-she looked beautiful when she smiled. He had thought before that humans were works of art. Everyone now, though, dulled compared to her. It was strange, having these human-like emotions, especially around Lydia. They felt extremely strange, but in a way, Cas liked them.

He reached out his hand and brushed away a stray piece of hair that had fallen into her mouth. She wasn't smiling anymore; she looked like she was uncomfortable and in pain. Cas feared what was coming. Neither of them knew much about what was going to happen when Lydia's body started going through the withdrawal from the heroin, but from what she had told him, it wasn't going to be pleasant. She had begged and pleaded with him to stay with her for at least a week, and at first he declined, knowing that Sam and Dean might need him at any moment. But once she started describing about what might happen, he refused to let her out of his sight. Sam and Dean could wait.

She had fallen asleep, thank God, without any of his help. His presence may have helped her, but he didn't need to use any of his angelic powers to make her sleep. They had talked for almost three hours, and now Lydia had been asleep for almost four hours. He willed her to stay asleep as long as possible, try to escape the pain and the anxiousness as long as possible. Lydia had told him that the withdrawal was going to be painful, and Cas hated the thought of her suffering like that for days on end. But he'd be there, right by her side.

Finally, she woke up. She lifted her head and smiled at him, still groggy. "Hi."

"Hello." Cas replied.

Lydia looked at the clock. "Jeez, how long was I out?"

"About three hours. It's only seven in the evening." Cas said. "Are you hungry? Do you want something?"

"Yeah, I am, actually," Lydia stood up. "You wanna go get something?"

"I do not think that is a good idea." Cas was uneasy.

Lydia rolled her eyes. "Cas, it's fine. It's only been…seven hours since my last dose. My cravings usually don't start until like ten hours."

"Are you sure?" Cas asked. Lydia nodded eagerly, wanting to get out of the house for a change. Cas sighed, and smiling, Lydia grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. They started walking to the nearest Burger King, fingers intertwined. Cas had never had somebody hold his hand before, but it felt completely natural, like they belonged there. They grabbed their burgers and started walking back, laughing and joking (well, mostly Lydia) the whole time. They made it back to the apartment in time to start watching Seinfeld reruns. Cas watched her the whole time, studying, waiting. He noticed that not even five minutes after she finished her food, Lydia's fingers started tapping nervously. Then she started fidgeting, biting her nails, looking at the clock, and eventually looking all over the room. And so it began.

"Cas…" Lydia looked at him nervously.

"Lydia, you need to breathe, okay? Just breathe."

Lydia nodded and starting taking deep breaths as she shut her eyes. The meditation seemed to work for a few minutes before she stared getting anxious again. "Cas, it's really bad."

"Here," Cas handed her his burger, but she just shook her head and pushed it away. "Lydia, you need to eat something…"

"Stop telling me what to do, God dammit!" Lydia snapped.

Cas was taken aback for a second before he remembered what she was going through. He had a feeling that he was going to be dealing with her mood swings a lot this week. "It's only a suggestion. If you don't want it, you can have something else…"

"I don't want any food." Lydia said through gritted teeth.

Cas wasn't defeated. "Lydia, this is going to be difficult for both of us, but I think if you just…"

"Oh my God, I'm going to throw up." Lydia ran out of the room and barely made it into the bathroom before Cas could hear everything go into the toilet. He rushed to her side and saw her hunched over the toilet. He had that helpless feeling, so he went over and held her hair behind her head. Instead of pushing him away again, Lydia didn't move and let him. Then again, it might've been because she was too busy retching into the toilet, but Cas just stayed where he was. When she was finished, Lydia sat back and leaned into Cas.

"This really sucks." Lydia moaned pitifully.

"I know." Cas grabbed her under her arms and dragged her to her feet. She fell against him until Cas was supporting almost all of her body weight.

"I've got you." Cas carried her to her bed and put her on the bed gently. He touched her face and was surprised when it was hot as could be. Lydia moaned painfully and pushed his had away.

"Can't you do your angel thing and knock me out?" Lydia was to the point of desperation. Cas noticed that her body was shaking with chills.

Cas sighed. "Lydia, I can't just keep putting you unconscious. Something might happen when you're sleeping…"

"I don't fucking care!" Lydia hissed, tears welling up in her eyes. "Give me some pain meds or a sleeping pill or something! Why don't you actually _do_ something for once?"

Cas sighed, and raised his hand, pressing his fingers to Lydia's forehead. Her eyes immediately rolled to the back of her head and she was out like a light. Cas sat on the edge of her bed, watching her the whole time with a stony expression on his face. This was going to be a long seven days.

Things didn't get much better after that; in the following two days, things only got worse. Lydia was in pure hell, and Cas was in hell just watching her. Lydia was constantly throwing up, shaking violently, or begging Cas to put her to sleep. Cas had resisted using his powers on her as much as possible, but when he found that she really _couldn't_ sleep without his help, he used his powers as often as needed. Dean and Sam hadn't called for his assistance, which Castiel couldn't have been happier about. They didn't know about Lydia, and he doubted he could think of a good enough excuse to fool them. He looked at Lydia's sleeping form. Her face was twisted in pain and her body was doubled over, curled into a little ball. He had tried to comfort her when he could, but she always pushed him away and cursed him out. Cas understood-she didn't mean anything she said, she was in so much pain and wasn't in her normal mindset- but he still wished there was more he could do to make it all go away. His healing powers were so weak and uncontrollable, and he didn't want to test them on Lydia unless it was absolutely necessary.

Cas was thinking all about this when Lydia woke up. She woke up with a start, like she didn't remember where she was, but grimaced from the pain that shot through her head. She moaned and fell back to where she was lying.

"How are you feeling?" Cas asked her gently.

"Awful."

"Do you want anything?"

Lydia curled up even tighter. "No."

"Then what _do_ you want me to do?"

"I don't know!" Lydia's eyes spontaneously filled up with tears. "I'm sick as hell, I want to die, and I don't know what I want!"

Cas was stunned. Lydia had seemed angry at him the whole time, and now she was breaking down and crying. He slowly inched towards her, and once he got close enough, he touched her shoulder gently. He could see on her face that her skin was sensitive and just the slightest pressure hurt her, but he kept his hand there. Lydia, instead of recoiling at the touch, turned towards his hand and grabbed his arm, tugging on it. Cas, bewildered, let her drag him so he was lying on the bed next to her. Cas retracted slightly, still not used to contact with others and afraid of causing Lydia any more pain than she was already in. Lydia, whose eyes were closed, curled right up to him so her head was lying on his shoulder. Cas put his arms around her affectionately and watched her fall back asleep. She was able to fall asleep by herself for the first time since the withdrawal started.

But she only stayed asleep for a few minutes. Cas was startled when Lydia started shaking violently. She had chills constantly, but this was different. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she flailed around wildly. Cas, fast as lightly, pinned her arms down and looked down at her.  
>"Lydia, Lydia!" he called. "Lydia, you need to stay with me. Lydia..." Cas rambled, talking to her, trying desperately to get her seizure to stop. After a few seconds, it stopped, and Lydia completely fainted. "Lydia! You need to wake up! Lydia!" He slapped her cheeks lightly. "Come on, you can't fall asleep. You need to stay awake so I can make sure you're okay."<br>Lydia opened her eyes slightly, but they weren't focused anywhere. "Lydia, look at me." Cas called to her. Lydia's eyes wandered, but then saw Cas. Cas smiled the tiniest bit. "Are you alright?"  
>"What happened?"<br>"You had a seizure." Cas said slowly. Her eyes widened. "You need to talk to me. How do you feel?"  
>"I'm okay, besides everything else." Lydia was breathing heavily.<br>"Good," Cas nodded. "I think the worse is over. I Gaagled..."  
>"You mean Googled?"<br>"Yes. It said that things get better after the third day."  
>"Thank God for that." Lydia said sarcastically. Her face went pale again before she raced back into the bathroom and started vomiting again.<br>And things _did_ get better after the third day. Lydia's body was showing signs of improvement at least. By the end of the week, she was a lot better. But the anxiousness and stress got even worse. Lydia was constantly snapping at Cas, not even realizing she was doing it. She'd scream and yell at him, then break down in tears, then she'd push him away. Cas did the only thing he could-he stayed with her the whole time and waited until Lydia felt better. He just hoped that would be soon. Dean and Sam had prayed for him a few times, and he had no idea how he was going to explain where he was.  
>"Cas, I really need a fix." Lydia told him for the 10th time that day.<br>"No you don't. You'll be okay." Cas told her for the 10th time that day.  
>Lydia groaned and laid her head on his shoulder. "I really hate this."<br>Cas, for the first time that week, kissed her forehead. "I know. But I'm proud of you."  
>"I'm only doing it for you, y'know," Lydia looked at him seriously. "And I could never do this on my own. You're like the only person that could get me through this."<br>And Lydia drifted off to sleep again, leaning against her angel. _Maybe being saved isn't such a bad thing..._


	12. You Were Meant For Me

**(A/N)- School's a bitch. Sorry I have like no time to write this anymore, but I swear I'm trying my hardest. That's a really crappy excuse, but I really am busy now that I'm back at school. Anyway, the awesome people who reviewed are whit loves him, angeleyenc, Katonha (who also added both me and the story under favorites and put a story alert on IWFYITD), KissWithAFistx, Breean, Kali-WolfChilde, and BethWinchester97. ImaBiteChu is equally awesome for adding this story to their favorites as well. And just a warning: this chapter is pure fluff. I usually don't *ever* read or write fluff, but one chapter wouldn't kill, y'know? Kripke and Sera Gamble own, I don't. Never have, never will. **

After that week from hell, things improved for both Lydia and Castiel. After almost two weeks, Lydia finally convinced Cas that she would be okay for a few hours while he helped out Dean and Sam with something. Cas had gone and told them that he was on "angelic business," and they hadn't pushed him about it. When he wasn't with the Winchesters, however, Cas never left Lydia's side. The physical side effects had left around the seventh or eighth day, but the psychological effects still remained. Every single time Cas left, Lydia would become anxious beyond belief. She'd pace, cry, scream at herself-anything she had to do to stop herself from calling Jay, her dealer, and buying another dose. But then once Cas was back, she felt like she could've moved mountains. It was so clichéd, but Cas was the only reason that she was clean at all. She _couldn't_ have done it without him, and she was so grateful that he was there. She went through absolute hell with this withdrawal and sometimes she got moody and snapped at him, but at night, when she would fall asleep in his arms…well, it was worth it.

Cas was happy that Lydia was getting clean, but the thing that still bothered him was Lydia's job stripping. In order to stay clean, Lydia hadn't been to Northern Exposure in weeks, but hadn't exactly said that she was quitting. She mostly just danced around the subject whenever Cas brought it up. She didn't want to work there-she never had-but she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to support herself without her second job. She could get another job at another diner or something, but it still wouldn't pay as well as the club.

At least, that's what she thought until about a month after she quit the heroin. Lydia was working in the diner one late afternoon when she saw Cas walk through the door. She had gone back to work for Alyssa almost immediately after the withdrawal, but as far as Lydia knew, Alyssa didn't know anything about the drugs or Cas. When Alyssa had asked, Lydia had just said that Alex wasn't right for her, but hadn't said _why _things didn't work out, or that she was with Cas. She hadn't even mentioned Cas at all. She wasn't trying to keep him a secret, exactly, but she was trying to keep the drugs and the club a secret, and Lydia was afraid that if Cas actually met Alyssa, it would be the two sides of her life coming together. She wasn't sure how much longer Alyssa would be kept in the dark, but the second she saw Cas come through the diner door, she knew that it wasn't going to be too much longer.

"Hello." Cas nodded as he walked towards her, looking stiff and uncomfortable. When he was close enough to her, he leaned forward to kiss her, but then apparently lost his nerve and just looked at her strangely. Lydia bit her lip to stop herself from laughing-he obviously didn't want to be affectionate with her in public. She didn't know whether that was because he was embarrassed or didn't want to embarrass her, but she still appreciated the gesture.

"Hey." Lydia smiled, then leaned over the counter and gave him a quick peck. They broke apart as quickly as possible and stared at each other before going in for a longer, more passionate kiss. It was as if everybody else in the diner simply disappeared.

"Um, excuse me?" Lydia and Cas broke apart, startled. They looked and saw a man looking at them with money in his hand, a wife and two kids behind him.

Lydia blushed. "Oh, you're ready to pay?"

The man nodded, and Cas backed away to let him through. Lydia took the money from the man and looked back at Cas, grinning embarrassedly. "That was awkward."

Cas nodded in agreement. Lydia laughed and started wiping off the counter. "You're just lucky Alyssa wasn't there to see that. She'll have my head."

"Alyssa, your boss?" Lydia nodded. "Is she working right now?"

Lydia's eyes went wide. "Oh crap, yeah she is." She stepped from around the counter and started pushing him out the door. "You have to go. Alyssa's like a Nazi when it comes to people visiting when I'm supposed to be working." That was the truth-Alyssa wasn't strict when it came to most things, but that was one thing she _was_ strict about. "And I thought you were with Sam and Dean anyway."

"I was. They didn't need me at the moment," Cas grabbed Lydia's hands and their fingers intertwined. "I wanted to see you."

Lydia couldn't fight the smile that broke out on her face. "You are so cheesy, it's ridiculous."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't say you had to apologize…" Lydia stopped when she saw another family walk in the door. She quickly grabbed a pile of menus and said, "Hi, let me show you to your table…" She threw Cas a look that said, _Please just go._ It was strange, Cas thought, how easily they could communicate with each other without ever saying a word. But Cas didn't want to leave. He didn't know exactly why-maybe it was because he hadn't seen her in two days, maybe it was the way that father was looking at her, or maybe it was just because-but he made his mind up right then and there that he wasn't going anywhere. Bolder than he usually he was, Cas walked behind the counter and sat on a stool, watching Lydia and waiting for her to make eye contact with him. When she finally did look up and see him, she raced over.

"What are you doing?" Lydia hissed. "Alyssa's going to kill me." Cas shrugged, indifferent. "Seriously, Cas, I love that you want to see me, but this is a really bad time because this we're really busy and Alyssa's going to freak out if she sees you behind the counter and you can just go wait in the apartment…" Lydia was completely cut off when Cas stood up and kissed her again. Lydia shut her eyes, feeling her heart skip a few beats.

"Wow, I guess the people here get food _and_ a show."

Lydia and Cas jumped apart for the second time that day and saw Alyssa leaning against the wall, staring at them, her eyebrow cocked smugly. It took all of her willpower not to start laughing and the two of them; they looked so scared they might shit their pants. After a few seconds, Alyssa figured she had tortured the two kids enough and said, "So you going to introduce me to this stud?"

Lydia looked relieved as she said, "Alyssa, this is Cas."

"Oh, yeah, angel boy, right?" Lydia and Castiel both looked alarmed until Alyssa clarified, "You were named after the angel of Thursday, right?"

Cas nodded weakly. "Yes."

"Were your parents religious nuts or something?"

"Um…yes," Cas said slowly. "They were extremely devout."

"That's a good thing, I guess," Alyssa looked Cas up and down, studying him. He couldn't help but be a little frightened of her. But he liked her too-she reminded him of Ellen Harvelle. "I figured Lydia was still nuts about you. She wears that necklace I gave her constantly, almost everyday."

Cas looked back at Lydia, eyes questioning. "You do?"

Lydia's hand flew to her neck, pulling out the necklace from under her shirt. "Well, yeah…"

"You kids, I swear, you're just adorable." Alyssa winked at them. Then, on a more serious note, she said, "And Cas, you can stay back here, but if you're distracting Lydia so she can't do her job, your ass is going out on the street, you understand?" Cas nodded in total understanding. "So what do you do, anyways?"

Cas looked at her, confused. "What do I do?"

"Y'know, for a career?"

It was then that Lydia realized that she had to intervene. She had learned that Cas was terrible at lying and wouldn't be able to think of a good enough excuse-Alyssa would be able to see right through him. "He's a solider!" Lydia gasped out. Cas looked at her, and Lydia gave him a tiny shrug. It wasn't exactly a lie.

Alyssa nodded. "What do you do when you're not on tour?" She looked at his outfit. "Sell real estate?"

Cas muttered, "I'm a tax accountant."

And just like that, the interrogation was over. Alyssa nodded and started walking to go take care of some customers. "Alright, fine. Just don't distract her Cas."

"I won't..." Cas watched the older woman go, then looked back at Lydia. "I don't think she welcomes my presence."

Lydia couldn't help but grin at his strange way of talking. "No, I think she likes you. She just has a strange way of showing it." Her smile faded when she saw all the customers that she needed to take care of. She raced out into the diner and started working. It was a busy day-Lydia barely had time to look at Cas, never mind talk to him. That was fine by Cas. He sat and watched her, just happy to be in the same room as her. He stayed on that stool the whole time until Lydia's shift ended nearly four hours later.

"You look tired." Cas commented as Lydia took off her apron and put on her jacket.

Lydia snorted. "I'm freaking exhausted. Let's just go home."

Lydia and Cas were on their way out of the diner when she took Cas' hand in her own, smiling up at him. (And she really did have to look up at him-he had a good seven or eight inches on her) The door was almost shut when they heard Alyssa call, "Use condoms!"

Lydia whirled back around and almost stormed into the diner, but Alyssa had already disappeared. "Oh, she is _so_ lucky..."

"Why, what are condoms?" Cas asked her.

Lydia just shook her head and pulled him along. "I'll tell you when you're older."

"I'm 2,000 years old..."

Lydia blinked. "Jeez, talk about dating older men..." She looked at Cas...well, Jimmy, really. "Your vessel only looks about thirty, though."

"I had a hard time finding a vessel that could withstand my power." Cas said. "Something in Jimmy's blood made him a suitable vessel."

Lydia smirked. "Well, I sure am glad that he's your vessel. He is pretty cute..."

Cas stood up straighter as he and Lydia walked. "You find me attractive?"

Lydia smiled, thoroughly enjoying this. "Well, I find your _vessel_ attractive..." Then she smiled, trying to let Cas know that she was just teasing him, then kissed him on the cheek. "I'm joking. Jimmy wouldn't mean a thing to me if he wasn't you." She paused. "Okay, that sounds kind of weird, but you get what I mean."

Cas nodded thoughtfully. "I think you're beautiful too."

"I didn't say you were beautiful." Lydia blushed.

"No," Cas squeezed her hand. "But you still are."

"Do you take lessons from Dean and Sam on how to be the corniest guy on Earth, or is that just programmed into being an angel?" Lydia nudged Cas in the ribs, but he just kept walking.

They were both silent walking back to the apartment for a while before Cas said, "So what is it like?"

"What's what like?" Lydia was confused.

"Being in a real relationship."

"Oh…" Lydia looked down at the ground. "Well, I couldn't tell you. I've never actually been in a real relationship."

Now it was Cas who looked confused. "But you were dating Alex…"

"I've had flings, not relationships." Lydia shrugged and looked back up at him. "I've gone on dates with other guys, but none of them lasted over a month."

"Have we? Lasted a month?" Cas asked her.

Lydia smiled and shrugged again. "I don't really know. I'm not sure when our 'anniversary' was…Cas, are we even going out?"

"Going out?"

Lydia motioned between the two of them. "Y'know, are we together?"

Cas seemed at a loss for words. "I don't know." he answered honestly. "But I want to be."

Lydia almost got whiplash from turning her head to look at him. "You mean that?"

"Yes." Cas said firmly.

Lydia was at a loss for words. She just started smiling giddily, trying to open her mouth a few times, but no words would ever come out. Cas kept staring at her when she finally said, "Are you asking me out?"

Cas shrugged. "That depends…" He couldn't help but smile slightly when he saw how happy Lydia looked. "What do people in relationships do?"

"Well…" Lydia thought for a second. "They hold hands a lot, like we are right now." She squeezed his hand tighter, but then let go to fish her key out of her purse when she realized they had reached the apartment.

They were both quiet until they sat on the couch, at which point Cas looked at her and said, "What else?"

Lydia, smirking cockily, leaned over and kissed him, firmly and passionately. She felt him give in and their lips moved in sync for at least a few minutes before Lydia pulled away and said, "That."

Cas nodded thoughtfully. "That…that is nice."

Lydia smiled-she was constantly smiling around him, no matter how hard she tried not to-and reached for his hand again. Then, she realized something. "Oh my God…"

"What?"

She looked at Cas, amazed. "I haven't Notebooked you yet." Cas tilted his head to the side, not understanding in the slightest. "See, there's this really famous chick flick called the Notebook, and it's like a tradition that every girl has to make their boyfriend watch it with them." Cas still showed no sign of understanding any of what she was saying. Lydia sighed and stood up, walking towards the DVD player. "Here, you just have to see it." She put in the DVD and pressed play. Lydia walked back to the couch and snuggled up to Cas and got lost in the moment, not carrying how cheesy it was or not. She felt Cas' arm go around her protectively and she just curled up closer to him.

Almost two hours later, the movie was finished, and Lydia was blinking rapidly to stop the tears from falling. She'd seen this movie twice before and she still cried. _I am the biggest dork on the face of the Earth, there's no question about it…_She looked over at Cas, who looked completely indifferent. "So what'd you think?" Lydia sniffed as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Cas stared at the TV for a couple seconds before saying, "It's completely illogical."

Lydia was dumbstruck. "What is?"

"The story," Cas pointed at the TV. "It doesn't make any sense. The chances of those two people dying the exact same night are…"

"Cas, you're ruining the story!" Lydia sobbed as she wiped away more tears.

Cas seemed to notice that she was crying for the first time. "Why are you crying?"

"Because it's sad!" Lydia couldn't help but laugh through her tears.

"Oh…" Cas awkwardly seemed at a loss for words. "They're not real people. They're only fictional characters."

"That's not the point! It's still sad!" Lydia was almost in hysterics over how lost Cas was. "Never mind. Maybe you just have to be a girl to get it."

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Lydia took her iPod out of her pocket and put in one earphone. Cas regarded the device wearily. "What's that?"

"An iPod," Lydia remarked as she started flipping through songs. "It was a gift from Alyssa. It hold my music so I can listen to it."

"Can I listen to it?" Cas asked.

Lydia shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Do you know any human music?"

"Not really, besides Dean's music," Castiel confessed. "Sam calls it mullet rock."

"Yeah, that sounds like Dean." Lydia handed him the other earphone. "Let me find a good song…"

_ There's only two types of people in the world…_ Alyssa had put the latest Britney Spears album on as a joke.

_Oh, well imagine as…_Not today, Panic at the Disco. Not today.

Lydia paused when she heard the opening notes to Switchfoot's "Only Hope." She left the song on, listening to the lyrics, trying not to turn red when she realized who they reminded her of-Cas. She bit her lip and looked up at him, wondering if he got the message. She quickly saw that he did-he moved some stray hair out of her face and kissed her again.


	13. Something's Always at Stake

**(A/N)-13 chapters in! The story is officially more than halfway done, which I'm happy and sad about. Anyway, whit loves him, angeleyenc, xBlossom, Breean, and Erik all reviewed, so thank you so much for that. And bekkers29, thank you for putting a story alert on this story, and animecrazygirl1 for adding this story to your favorites. (I know that looks like "girll" but that's actually a 1; I didn't spell your name wrong, don't worry). Anything else…? Oh yeah. I don't own Supernatural. Wait, there actually is something else. On January 30****th****, 2011, my classmate, Lydia, passed away from lymphoma. Although she was nothing like my character Lydia-she was much smarter and so much kinder-Lydia Carmichael is named for her. (Carmichael wasn't her last name, but you know what I mean) And today is Lydia's birthday. So, Lydia, this is for you. We only talked once in a while, but you were such a great person and you are so missed. Happy birthday "La-De-Pop."**

Castiel waited until Lydia fell asleep in his arms before standing up slowly, trying not to disturb her. She was disturbed anyway-she always was able to tell when his presence was gone, even in her sleep-but eventually just rolled over and fell back asleep on the couch. Cas breathed a sigh of relief and put his trench coat back on unwillingly. Dean and Sam had been asking for his assistance, and as much as he wanted to stay with Lydia, they were his friends too, and they needed him. And when duty called…Cas took one last look at Lydia before disappearing into the night.

Cas appeared in Bobby Singer's kitchen, seeing the Winchesters and Bobby himself all sitting at the table. "Yes?"

"Cas," Dean said seriously. "We got one hell of a problem." When Cas just looked at him, Dean continued. "Anna was in my dream."

"Anna?" Cas stood up straighter, all senses on alert. (Almost) all traces of Lydia vanished from his mind; right now, he was a solider, not a lover. "She was in…"

"Heaven?" Dean asked accusingly.

Cas sighed. Anna must have told him. "I had no choice but to turn her in. I was merely following orders."

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but Sam diffused the situation. "Look, that's not the point. Anna said that she was being held prisoner in heaven and escaped."

"That's impossible," Cas said simply. "I've been heaven's prisoner. There is no way to 'escape'."

"Alright, great," said Dean. "Then how'd she get out?"

Cas thought for a moment. "They must have let her out. She's acting on heaven's orders."

"You sure?" Bobby asked.

"Positive." Cas affirmed. He looked back at Dean. "What else did she say?"

Dean shrugged. "She said that she couldn't locate me because of the sigils on my ribs and that she wanted me to meet her."  
>"No." Cas said simply. "I'll go."<br>"Hold it, angel boy." Dean said. Cas stared at him, and Dean rolled his eyes, grabbed his arm, and dragged him to Bobby's living room, away from the other two men."  
>"So what's going on with you, huh?" Dean let go of Cas and looked directly into his eyes.<br>"What do you mean?" Cas said innocently.  
>"You're disappearing at the drop of a freaking hat!" Dean motioned at the door. "You're here, you're not here. You're with us one second, then you just go." Cas opened his mouth to respond, but Dean didn't let him talk. "Look, Sam and I...we just don't know where you're going. I'm not trying to be your mom or whatever, but we know you ain't in heaven anymore. So where are you?"<br>Cas tried to look as upset as possible. "That's none of your business, Dean."  
>"No, it's not," Dean confessed. "But you call us your friends, right?" Cas nodded. "Then just tell me where you're going all the time!"<br>"Dean..." Cas tried to look away, exasperated.  
>"Hell no," Dean growled. "Cas, look at me." Cas looked back into his eyes. "You're a crappy-ass liar, so don't even try. Where are you going?" Trying to lighten the mood, Dean smiled and said, "What, you got a girlfriend or something?" Cas looked away again, breaking all eye contact. Dean's face fell in surprise. "Holy shit..."<br>"I _told_ you, it was none of your..." Cas started.  
>But Dean was too stunned to let him speak. "You?" He pointed at the angel. "You got a girlfriend?"<br>"I am in a...relationship, of sorts."  
>Dean smiled slyly. "Really? She lead you to her 'den of iniquity'?"<br>"She did nothing of the kind." Cas said sharply. Dean couldn't help but back off a little-he hadn't seen Cas get that close to anger in a while.  
>"Okay, well who is she?"<br>Cas sighed again. Dean would never stop asking until he told him. "Her name is Lydia."  
>"Lydia..." Dean's said, winking. But then, realization set in, and his face dropped again. "Wait...Lydia Carmichael? My Lydia?" Cas didn't answer; he just refused to make eye contact with Dean altogether. "How long have you been seeing her?" Dean said loudly.<br>"I have been in contact with her since the night you left Iowa City," Cas muttered at the carpet. "She seemed upset when she left the club that night, so I went to see her the next morning and talked to her."  
>"Talked?" Dean said skeptically.<br>"Yes, talked." Cas shot back. "We've never...we weren't in a relationship until about a month ago. Before that, we were either friends or arguing."  
>Dean sighed and sat down on Bobby's couch. "Cas, man, why are you doing this to yourself?"<br>"Doing what?"  
>"Lydia is..." Dean sighed and ran his hand through his hair distractedly. "I dunno, I just don't like it."<br>"What's wrong with her?" Cas snapped defensively.  
>"I didn't say there was!" Dean exclaimed. "I'm just saying that I don't like you two together, that's all."<br>Cas demanded, "Why not?"  
>"You're a freaking angel, Cas!" Dean was having a hard time keeping the volume of his voice down. "You don't have any emotions! How the hell can you claim to be in love with her?"<br>"I didn't claim that..." Cas protested.  
>"Exactly!" Dean shouted back. "Why are you wasting her time? You're just going to end up hurting her!"<br>Cas narrowed his eyes. "And all those women that you sleep with? You don't hurt them?"  
>"That's different."<br>"How?"  
>"Look, Cas..." Dean sighed again. "Lydia's a sweet girl. But you saw what she does for a living..."<br>"Yes I did," Cas was as still as a statue. "And frankly Dean, I don't really care." Dean rolled his eyes. "I mean it. I've spent time with her-she said she's going to try to quit."  
>"People like her...they don't change, Cas. That's the truth." Dean was breathing deeply.<br>"You don't even know her, Dean." Cas was finding it increasingly difficult to control his emotions. "Did you know that she stopped using heroin because of me? That whole week when I didn't answer you? It's because I was helping her go through withdrawal!"  
>Dean was speechless for a moment-he <em>hadn't<em> known that. "Cas, Lydia's a sweetheart, don't get me wrong. I like her. But you can't have a junkie who strips around here. It just won't work."  
>Calmly as possible, Cas said, "I'll have you know Dean, it was never my intention to 'bring Lydia around here'."<br>Dean didn't like the tone of voice feather-butt was using with him. "And what the hell's that supposed to mean?"  
>"It means I don't want her mixed up in this life anymore than you do, Dean," Cas sighed. "I would prefer to keep her sheltered from what you hunt as well."<br>"Glad to know we're on the same page." Dean commented dryly.  
>Castiel, who was previously looking down at the floor, looked back in the direction of the hunter. "Exactly what is it that you want from me?"<p>

Dean was confused. "When did I say I wanted anything from you?"

"You say Lydia's bad for me because of her job, then you turn around and say that I shouldn't expose her to the demons and angels. You say she's a nice girl, but then say that people like her can't change," Cas said firmly. "You keep going back and forth. So what's the truth?"

Dean was stunned-Cas usually wasn't like this. Shaking his head and regaining his composure, Dean said, "Alright, fine. You wanna know the truth? I _do_ like Lydia, and there's nothing wrong with her. But…" Cas shook his head, snorting bitterly. "But that doesn't mean you can just drop Sam and me completely."

"I'm not dropping you and Sam." Cas rubbed his face tiredly.

"Cas, we're trying to stop the damn apocalypse here!" Dean's temper flared again. "We need you, alright? You can't just not answer us when we call. Lydia might be important to you, but you need to get your priorities straight. It's either us or her."

"Dean, you're not being fair." Cas said gently.

Dean sighed, thoroughly unhappy with himself. "No, I'm not, and I know I'm not. But…jeez Cas, I dunno. Most hunters don't have relationships. It's not fair to the other person, constantly worrying about whether you'll be okay, and then sometimes they get dragged onto this life…It's just not fair to them. I wouldn't be fair to Lydia. And anyway, isn't it against your angelic rules or whatever?"

Cas nodded ever-so-slightly. "I'll go meet Anna." Dean heard the flapping of wings, and Cas was gone. Dean sighed and got off the couch, going back out to the kitchen. Sam and Bobby looked at him questionably.

"What the hell was that all about?" Bobby asked.

Dean rested his head in his hands. "Lover boy's been seeing Lydia."

"Lydia? The one in Iowa?" Sam demanded.

"Yup, that one." Dean reached over and took a swig of Sam's beer, receiving a glare from his younger brother. "I don't get it either."

"So what'd you tell him?" asked Bobby.

"The truth," Dean looked down at the table unhappily. "I told him it was a bad idea."

Bobby smirked. "Why, you got a crush on him or something?"

Dean stretched his shoulders. "Nah, he ain't my type. I told him that he shouldn't bring her into this, but I dunno if he's gonna listen to me."

Sam shrugged. "You never know. He might."

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England…Now pass me another beer, peasant."


	14. Love Me Tender

** (A/N)- Okay, so I watched "The Man Who Would Be King" (the episode all about Cas) last night, and my mind is blown. I wanted to give Cas a giant hug the whole time, but in case you haven't seen it yet, that's all I'm going to say about it. Okay, thank you time. They go out to whit loves him, Julie, ViciousHypnosis, Katonha, , (and "ET" makes me think of Supernatural in general, but it totally fits this story perfectly) and angeleyenc for reviewing, as well as OMGitsToralee for the favorite story/story alert, rutharaya16 and PamelaPandemic for putting a story alert on "IWFYITD", and tigeruawish and Swanlight91 for adding this story to your favorites. I know it's annoying and repetitive, but again, I don't own anything except for Lydia. She's mine. **

The next time Lydia woke up, Cas was gone. Figured. He tended to disappear and reappear without warning. Who knew how long it would be until he got back? Lydia looked at the clock, grabbed her phone off the floor, and dialed Rick's number.

"Lydia?" he answered.

"Hey…" Lydia said nervously.

She heard Rick sigh on the other end of the line. "Let me guess. You're not coming in again."

"I'm sorry." She bit her lip. She didn't want Cas to come back and find her at the club, but she didn't exactly want to lose her job, either.

"What's up with you lately, Lyd?" Rick asked her kindly. Rick was her boss, but he was still a decent guy, so long as he got his money.

"What do you mean?" Answer a question with a question.

Lydia could tell that Rick was about to launch into a full-scale explanation, but that stopped himself. "It doesn't matter. Look, come or don't come, I don't care anymore. But when you need the money, I'll be right here."

Lydia was put-off by his tone. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that when you're broke and need money again, you're going to come crawling back to this lifestyle, Lydia. Maybe not my club, but you'll be stripping again before you know it."

Like she said, Rick _was_ a decent guy. But Lydia was one of his regulars, and when Rick was losing business, the "decent guy" theory went out the window.

"That's not true," Lydia snarled. "People can change."

"Not in my experience," Rick shot right back. "How you going to afford your little habit, huh?"

"I quit."

Rick snorted, said, "I give it a month," and promptly hung up the phone.

Lydia sat frozen on her couch, burning with anger. Screw him. She was clean, she had a job, and she had a boyfriend (of sorts). She didn't need that awful club anymore. Lydia stood up, went to the kitchen, and made herself some food. She looked around the apartment, nose wrinkled up in disgust as she spread the peanut butter on the bread, standing by the counter. She really did need a new place. It was so small and dingy, not to mention drafty-she was always freezing, even in the middle of summer-but it was all she could afford, at least for now. The drugs were out of the equation now, so if she got another job on top of the diner and saved her money, she might be able to get another place in a few months. And maybe even a car; she was getting pretty sick of walking everywhere all the time.

Then, from behind her, Lydia heard the sound of Cas appearing. She smiled to herself. "Hey Cas."

She felt arms suddenly go around her waist. "Hello." Lydia heard him say as he breathed deeply, as if trying to inhale her scent.

Lydia turned around and leaned against the counter, Cas' arms still around her. "Well hello to you to. What's with being so affectionate all of the sudden?"

Cas shrugged as he leaned in and kissed her. "I missed you."

"You were gone for two hours," Lydia smiled. Looking into his eyes, she kissed him back. "I missed you too." Cas nodded, then forced his lips on hers, kissing her hard and passionately. Lydia didn't complain-her arms went around his neck as his arms tightened around her waist. Their lips were locked for a while before Lydia broke apart.

"Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

Cas didn't answer her. He kissed her again, and Lydia almost went weak in the knees. He wasn't normally like this, but Lydia assumed that he was finally giving into his human instincts-and like all males, lust was one of those instincts. She gave into the kiss again, but almost stopped in surprise when Cas lifted her up and sat her on the countertop. They didn't stop kissing, though, and Lydia, lost in the moment, stuck her tongue inside his mouth. She had no idea if Cas knew how to French or not, but he did alright. It seemed that he was just as passionate as she was. Their breathing got heavier, and Lydia started grabbing at the back of Cas' hair and shirt, and Castiel's hands were sliding lower and lower down Lydia's back.

And then, just like that, it was over. Castiel pulled away and stared at Lydia's face, breathing still heavy and eyes sad. "I can't do this."

Lydia blinked, stunned. "Can't do what?" Cas only looked away, retracting from her completely. Lydia couldn't help but feel self-conscious, like she had done something. "Cas, answer me. You can't do what?"

Cas sighed heavily, still not looking at her. "Lydia, we need to talk."

And there it was-the dreaded words that Lydia hoped she'd never hear. Now that she was hearing them, however, it hit her like a ton of bricks. "Why?"

"…I told Sam and Dean about us." Cas confessed after an eternity of silence.

"You did _what_?" Lydia's heart leapt into her throat. "Cas, they're not going to be okay with that."

"I know. They weren't. At least Dean wasn't." Cas rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Lydia got off the counter and stood in front of Cas awkwardly. "So now what?"

"I don't know…" Cas started.

"Of course you don't." Lydia hissed.

"Lydia, don't take it that way…"

Lydia interrupted him. "Don't take it that way? Cas, you're breaking up with me just because your friends or whatever aren't okay with it? What the hell?"

"I didn't say I was breaking up with you!" Cas snapped irritably.

"Then what are you saying?" Lydia looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain and anger.

"I'm saying that I need time to think."

Lydia let out a sound of disbelieve. "Oh, don't let me stop you. Take all the freaking time you need! In fact, why don't you go think _away_ from my apartment?"

"I thought we were done with this." Cas said through gritted teeth, hurt just as much as she was.

"Done with what?" Lydia asked.

"With you kicking me out of the apartment and me going away because we're fighting all the time!" Cas said.

"Yeah, well I thought so too!" Lydia shouted. "But I guess not, huh?"

Cas calmed himself down and let out a deep sigh. He walked towards Lydia and kissed the top of her head. Lydia didn't move. He considered telling her that he was about to go back in time-a very dangerous thing, especially with his powers so weak-but he didn't want to upset her further. He was beginning to think that Dean was right-maybe he shouldn't involve Lydia in his life anymore. It really wasn't fair for her to be worrying about whether he would live or die.

"I love you." Cas confessed. Lydia just stood rigid in his arms, still furious. That was one of the things he loved about her-how she never tried to hide her feelings, wore her emotions proudly. Cas kissed her forehead one more time before vanishing into thin air again. Once he was gone, it occurred to Lydia that that was the first time anyone had ever told her that they loved her since her mom died. It also occurred to her that that was probably the first time Cas had ever told anyone that he loved them either. It still didn't stop Lydia's heart from breaking.


	15. You're Human

(A/N)- I don't own Supernatural. Great, now that we have that settled, let's move on. matt-hardy-lover-101, whit loves him, lpwriter4life, Breean, xBlossom, random anonymous user and Julie, thank you for reviewing. I'm totally flattered by your comments. matt-hardy-lover-101 gets extra thank yous for pressing the "favorite" and "story alert" buttons, and .angel14, Lumihiutale89, Racheyfish and Neo-knightmare also added this story to their favorites, so thank you for that as well. And I was flipping through my old mail, and saw that Mrs vicky winchester put a story alert on this story, and I usually move all the emails from .net to a separate folder, but I completely forgot to move that one and didn't see it again until today. So I am SO sorry about that, I so appreciate the story alert. (And I appreciate LittleFlatts and crazyluna456 for adding this story to their story alerts) Anyway, here goes chapter 15. (And I might be updating more frequently, because I'm trying to finish this before May 20th, because I'm going to tear my hair out from the wait for the season finale)

It was just like old times; Lydia didn't see Cas for days. She didn't know whether she should miss him or not-she wasn't sure where either of them stood in their relationship-but she did know that she did miss him. She kept expecting him to show up out of thin air, but he never did. She knew he'd be back, but she just didn't know when. The one thing she was proud of herself for was that she hadn't gone back to the drugs and hadn't gone back to the club. It was tempting, especially the first night that Cas was gone, but Lydia resisted both urges. She couldn't imagine Cas coming back and finding out that she had relapsed or returned to her job; it would just create more tension between them. Of course, Cas finally showed up when she least expected it. Lydia was watching TV, and during a commercial break, she went up and went to the bathroom. She wasn't even in there for two minutes, but when she came out, Cas was sitting in her spot.  
>"Um " Lydia folded her arms defensively in front of her, preparing for the fight-if there was going to be one, anyway. Cas didn't even look up at her. Lydia sighed. He was obviously still upset. "Hey, you gonna talk to me at all?" Lydia curled up on the opposite end of the couch.<br>Cas cleared his throat. "That depends."  
>"On what?"<br>Cas finally looked her in the eye. "If you're just going to sit there and yell at me, because if you are, I'm not interested."  
>Lydia felt like he had slapped her. Cas had never shown that much outright anger towards her, and she almost felt sick to her stomach to know that he was angry at her. "Okay, fine. Cas I'm sorry." Lydia hated how pathetic she sounded. "I'm sorry. I know that I yell at you constantly and I can be a ** and I "<br>"Lydia!" Cas stopped her just by touching her hand. "Don't. Don't ever blame yourself for your emotions or how you react. You're human. It's natural to react angerly." Cas reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Actually, I love that about you. How you show your emotions so freely."  
>"I " Lydia couldn't speak, her throat tightening, tears threatening to spill over. "I don't want you to "<br>Cas looked at her intensely. "Don't want me to do what?"  
>"I don't want you to leave me!" Lydia sobbed, her hand flying to her face to wipe the tears away as quickly as possible. "Lydia " Cas sighed. She just looked so helpless and heartbroken; he scooted closer towards her and pulled her into his arms. Rather than fight it, Lydia gave into her instincts and collapsed against his chest, crying like her heart was breaking. Cas no longer felt any awkwardness when he held her; he just stroked her hair as comfortingly as he could and held her tightly while she cried. Lydia was gripping at the front of his shirt, the only thing that was keeping her from going completely off the rails. Castiel looked down at Lydia-the girl with the pretty hazel eyes, the crazy red hair, the electric smile with the personality to match it-and kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry. I'm not leaving you. I promise."<br>"Don't keep promises you can't keep." Lydia sniffled against his chest. Cas felt his blood turn to ice; she was right. That was a promise that he couldn't make. He was fighting a war, trying to stop the apocalypse. He could die at any moment, and if he did, it would break Lydia's heart No, he couldn't think about that right now. He was torn, but Cas knew that he needed to put the thought out of his mind. If he were to die No. Comforting Lydia was the only thing that mattered right then. "Lydia, look at me." Cas touched her chin and titled her head up so she was looking straight at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Dean and Sam were wrong. I want you in my life. I'm not going anywhere."  
>Lydia bit her lip, trying to stop the tears. "But what if "<br>Cas silenced her with a kiss. "Lydia Carmichael, as long as I am on this earth, you will never be alone, I promise you."  
>Lydia shook her head, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her head between his neck and his shoulder. "No, you don't get it. Every other man in my life leaves me " She just sobbed harder. "Every guy I've dated left me, my dad left me my mom left me too, even if it wasn't her fault "<br>"I'm not your father," Cas squeezed her tighter. "I'm not those other men you dated. I'm not leaving."  
>Lydia pushed away, wiping her tears away. She stopped and looked at Cas, smiling sheepishly. "Well, if this doesn't convince you that I'm a total mess, I don't know what will."<br>Cas reached for her hand and curled his fingers around hers. "You're not a mess. You're beautiful."  
>"We'll compromise. I'm a beautiful mess." Lydia smiled again. Then, more seriously, she said, "So what are you going to tell the Winchesters?"<br>Cas' happy grin faded too. "I'm not sure." He thought for a moment. "How about you come with me to talk to them?"  
>"Are you crazy?" Lydia looked at him like he was crazy. "They'll eat me alive."<br>"No they won't," Cas insisted. "They like you."  
>Lydia shook her head. "I don't know Cas "<br>Cas held her hand even firmer in his. "Lydia, if they can't accept you, then I'll choose you over them every single time." As soon as the words left his mouth, Cas knew that he meant that. Sam and Dean were his friends, but Lydia was she was Lydia.  
>Lydia smiled even wider. "Okay, I'll go. When do you want to go see them?"<br>"Now." Cas said before he put his arms around her and they both disappeared. 


	16. Fill Me With Your Poison

**(A/N)-Okay, I should probably explain the last chapter a bit. The reason why the setup's weird is that I didn't post that chapter. I was ready to post the 15****th**** chapter last night, but my computer wouldn't let me upload any files to . I went back and tried again hours later, but it still wouldn't work. So, freaking out, I thought it was my computer. In a panic, I started firing off emails to Breean, xBlossom, and angeleyenc, but thankfully, Breean responded before I could send anymore out. I sent her the chapter and gave her my email and password and she posted it for me, so Breean, thank you SO much. (And I'm sorry to xBlossom and angeleyenc, just ignore those messages, lol) And I guess it was fanfiction's fault, not mine, so hopefully that won't happen again. Okay, more thank yous...reviewers are Breean, Julie, matt-hardy-lover-101 and whit loves him, so thank you for that. AmethystFeyral, onlyexception8, and Mrs. Albert Wesker, thank you for adding this story to your favorites. CayChaotic and RaspberryRose have a story alert on this story which makes them amazing, and Jianali, thank you so much for putting me under your author alert. I don't own Supernatural, and next time, I'll try to make a shorter author's note.**

It happened so fast, Lydia didn't realize that she had just flown across…God, where was she? Blinking rapidly, Lydia looked around her surroundings. She really had no idea where she was. It looked like a junkyard-there were cars _everywhere_- but she could've been Alaska for all she knew.

It was then that Lydia noticed that Cas was standing next to her. "Where are we?"

"Sioux Falls in South Dakota." He answered simply.

Lydia nodded, bewildered. "So I just flew across all of Iowa?"

Cas nodded back. "Yeah, basically."

"Okay…so why are we in a junkyard?" Lydia asked she looked around the place.

"This is Bobby's Singer's house," Cas took her by the hand and started walking towards a house a little ways away. "He's a close friend of the Winchesters'. I can sense that they're here."

"Oh…" Lydia suddenly felt apprehensive at the thought of seeing Dean and Sam face-to-face again. She hadn't heard from either of them since that night at the club, and now that they knew about her and Cas, it was just bound to be horribly awkward. She started tugging on Cas' hand, trying to pull him away from the direction they were walking in. "Cas, let's just go back…"

"No," Castiel said firmly. "If we don't talk to them now and try to explain, then they'll never understand. That's the way Dean and Sam work-you have to face them head on."

Lydia dug her heels into the ground; panic was starting to set in. "Maybe that's the way _they_ work, but that's not the way _I _work. I'm going home."

Cas pulled her closer and continued walking, his arm protectively around her shoulders. "Lydia, we're going."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Lydia turned back to him and hissed in protest. Cas, tired of the fighting, did the only thing he could do-he bent down, grabbed her legs, and threw her over his shoulder, intent on carrying her to the house if she needed to. Lydia was temporarily stunned that he had _actually_ picked her up, but quickly got over that and started pounding on his back with her fist. (Which honestly was probably the only thing she _could_ do at this point)

"Castiel…Castiel whatever your last name is!" Lydia fought tooth and nail, but Cas showed no sign of putting her down. "You put me down _right now_, or I swear to God, I'll…" Then she realized that the boys could probably hear her screaming and her face turned bright red.

"Cas, seriously, this isn't funny." Lydia started quietly pleading. "Please just put me down…."

"As you wish." Castiel lurched forward suddenly and Lydia went flying off his shoulder, only to have him catch her at the last second. Lydia was holding on to his shirt for dear life, her heart racing with the sudden fall.

"Don't do that!" Lydia's heart rate slowly returned to normal. "You almost gave me a freaking heart attack!"

Cas smirked lightly. "I wasn't going to let you fall."

Lydia stuck her tongue out at him playfully, then stood back up and realized she was on the porch of the house. "Here goes nothing…" Lydia took a deep breath, took hold of Cas' hand, and walked inside the house. Once in, she stood in, waiting for Cas to show her where to go. Cas took the lead and led her into the kitchen where Lydia saw Dean, Sam, and another older man in a wheelchair sitting around the kitchen table.

"Cas?" Dean looked up at the same time Sam did.

"Hello." Cas said simply. He cocked his head towards Lydia slightly. "I brought Lydia with me." Lydia quickly looked down at the ground and squeezed Cas' hand even tighter.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I can see that…" Lydia decided to risk a quick look at the two brothers. Dean locked eyes with Lydia. "How are ya, sweetheart?"

Lydia gave a small, tight smile-even though Dean was trying to be kind to her, the awkwardness in the room was suffocating. "I'm good. How're you?"

"Fine." Dean shrugged.

Lydia looked at Sam. "Hey Sam."

Sam raised his hand slightly to wave. "Hey."

They all stared at different spots in the room, everyone trying to avoid eye contact with each other before Bobby broke the tense silence. "What is this, the freaking prom? Are y'all gonna talk or not?"

"Uh, sure…" Sam tried to look as upbeat as possible, but Dean didn't even bother trying.

"Bobby, could you leave the room for a second?"

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Sure, ask the guy in the wheelchair to leave the room…"

"Bobby, I didn't mean…" Dean began.

But Bobby was already wheeling away, muttering "Idjit!" under his breath.

Dean sighed and started rubbing his eyelids. "Alright, what's this all about, Cas? Why'd you bring her into this?"

Castiel sighed deeply. "Dean, Lydia deserves to know everything, from start to finish."

"She already knows what we hunt!" Sam protested.

"Yes, but she doesn't know about…" Cas looked at Lydia hesitantly, but then said, "She doesn't know about Lucifer."

"Lucifer?" Lydia felt her blood go cold. "As in the devil Lucifer?"

"Bingo." Dean grimaced.

Lydia looked back at her angel and let go of his hand. "You want to explain?"

Cas sighed-he could clearly see the worry and anger on Lydia's face. "Dean, Sam, Bobby and I are fighting Lucifer. We're trying to stop the apocalypse from happening."

Lydia looked back at Sam and Dean wildly, who only nodded and confirmed her fears. Lydia felt like she couldn't breathe. "So you four are going against the devil by yourself?"

"You got it." There was a trace of bitterness in Dean's voice. "No help from other hunters or angels. Just us."

"But why?" Lydia thought they were crazy. "Isn't there anybody else…?"

"No," Sam said calmly. "Dean and I…we're supposed to be vessels for Lucifer and Michael, the archangels. They're supposed to face off using our bodies and start the apocalypse."

Lydia's eyes widened. What the hell had she gotten herself into? The damn apocalypse? "Holy crap…"

"You're telling us." Dean snorted.

Lydia turned back to Cas. "Why didn't you tell me any of this? This is why you keep disappearing? To go on some suicide mission?"

"It's not a suicide mission," Cas said evenly, trying not to feel bad about how angrily Lydia looked at him; of course she was going to be upset, it was only natural. He was expecting this. "We're trying to find a way to stop Lucifer."

Cas was silent and Lydia looked at him curiously. "So are you going to tell me what it is?"

"We haven't exactly _found_ a way yet…" Cas gingerly explained.

"Of course you haven't." Lydia rolled her eyes.

Sam finally cleared his throat and spoke up. "Uh, no offense, Cas, but why'd you bring her here exactly?" Dean nodded in agreement.

Cas looked into Lydia's eyes. "Okay, you know everything, Lydia." Lydia waited, nodding. "Do you still love me?"

Lydia almost burst out laughing. "What kind of question is that?"

"Do you still love me?" Castiel pressed.

Lydia nodded. "Yeah, I do…"

Cas looked up at the boys and smiled. "See?"

Dean stood up and clapped Lydia on the back. "Congrats. You passed."

"I…I what?"

"You passed," Dean explained. "See, at first, Sam and I weren't crazy about Cas and you. But then we thought about it…" Dean paused. "Okay, well mostly Sammy thought about it. But then we talked to Cas and thought, if she handle the fact that he might die in the apocalypse, then she's a good girl worth having around."

Lydia furrowed her brow. "So…so you set me up?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah."

The corners of Lydia's mouth twitched upwards. She reached out and slapped Dean's arm as she smiled. "You ass! That's not funny at all!"

"Well we weren't joking," Dean grew serious again. "Everything we said was true. We just wanted to see if you would still stick around after you found out."

"Of course I would." Lydia was surprised that they thought she would just abandon Castiel like that. Then again, Sam and Dean had probably had girls leave when they found out what they did. She looked around the kitchen again, taking in everything. "So I guess I better get going, huh?"

Sam stood up and grinned at her. "Not quite."

Lydia arched her eyebrow. "What do you…" She stopped when she saw her suitcase next to Cas' feet. "That's my stuff…"

"Exactly," Cas smirked at her lightly. "We thought you could stay here for a few days."

"But…" Lydia was at a loss for woods. "Why?"

Dean winked at her playfully. "Well, that was mostly your boyfriend's idea. He said he was going to be here a lot more and less with you, so…"

Lydia looked back at Cas and smiled even wider. "You're adorable, you know that?" Cas didn't move, and Lydia stood on her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek, hoping he wouldn't be too embarrassed that she did it in front of his friends.

"Are you two gonna get a room, or are you done?" Bobby came back inside the kitchen. Lydia looked down at the ground, hoping that she wasn't being an inconvience to Bobby; it was his house after all, and she hated to think that he actually didn't like her. Maybe he didn't, but that's the way it came across to her.

Dean picked up on her awkwardness. "Hey, don't worry about him. He's on his man cycle right now."

Bobby glared at the younger man. "Yeah, wanna lend me a tampon and some lipstick, Deanna?" As Dean shot him a look, Bobby looked back at Lydia. "No, I like you just fine. You probably have the most brains out of anybody here."

"Actually, that's probably true," Lydia jokingly agreed. She picked up her suitcase. "So where do you want me? On the couch?"

"Like we're gonna put you on the couch," Bobby said. "We're not cavemen. You can take the spare bedroom."

"But I'm in the spare bedroom!" Dean whined.

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Well that's too damn bad. She gets the bedroom. You can share the couch with Sam."

Dean looked at him in disbelief, then grabbed Sam's arm and held it out in front of Bobby. "Look at his arm! He's a freaking Sasquatch! There's no room!"

"Then sleep on the floor, Princess." Bobby shot back.


	17. Veins

**(A/N)-17****th**** chapter. Oh my God. I've been flying through this story, which is strange, because I'm usually the slowest updater in the universe. Maybe I actually will finish this before the season finale…Awesome people that reviewed include Breean, Julie, whit loves him, xBlossom, matt-hardy-lover-101, lpwriter4life and ashlynnhartt, so thank you guys. Other awesome people are ILikeYouDon'tI, who put a story alert on this story, Kathie 2808, who put this story under her favorites, ashchild, who put this story under their favorites, chikinchik91, who put a favorite on here, Sun-MoonGoddess, who ALSO put this story under their favorites, and finally, supernaturallover1, who put a story alert on this story. As always, I don't own Supernatural, and I usually cry myself to sleep at night about it. =P **

Lydia almost immediately felt comfortable at Bobby's house. She had called Alyssa and told her that she was on vacation for a week or two, and Alyssa had just told her to come back whenever and hung up. Lydia knew that was Alyssa's way of saying she was going to get a paid vacation. In the five years she'd been working at the diner, Lydia had never gone on vacation. Alyssa had offered her vacations, but Lydia just never had a reason to stop working.

In truth, Lydia didn't exactly know if she could call this a vacation. Everything had happened so fast; one day Lydia was at her apartment, and the next she was sleeping in a stranger's bed. Bobby had given her the spare bed, despite Dean's protests, and Lydia had to admit, it was a lot more comfortable then the pathetic excuse for a mattress back at her place. She supposed that this mattress had a lot of support, because hunters had a hard job and if her back hurt as much as theirs must, she would want a bed like this too.

The first night had been horrible, though. Lydia found it hard to relax-she was in a house with three men she hardly knew, and Cas had left earlier that evening and she had no idea where he was. After at least an hour of tossing and turning, Lydia was starting to fall back asleep when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"OHMYGOD!" Lydia screamed and flipped over while trying to sit up at the same time. Instead, her head collided with what felt like stone. Her hand flew to her head as she groaned in pain. She opened her watery eyes and saw Cas standing a few feet away, looking frightened and apologetic.

"I'm sorry…"

Lydia quieted him with a wave of her hand as she rubbed her head, trying to soothe the pain. "No, it's alright. You didn't mean to." She looked up at him. "Can you work some of your angel mojo and make my head feel better, because no offense, but it really kills."

"Of course," Cas nodded. He walked towards her and gently put two fingers to her forehead, and almost instantly, Lydia felt the throbbing pain in her head disappear completely.

"Thanks," Lydia breathed out a sigh. Smiling, she said, "No offense, but your head is really hard."

"Are you alright?" Cas sat on the bed next to her.

Lydia nodded. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. How're you?"

"Exhausted." Cas said honestly.

"Why, what's up?" Lydia shifted so she was directly facing Castiel. She missed talking to him, and she was worried as all hell about him. They had just gotten to a good point in their relationship, and if he were to die…Lydia didn't want to think about it.

Cas sighed and pressed his fingertips to his eyelids. "Lydia, things are…happening."

"What do you mean?" Lydia heart dropped.

Cas reached out and grabbed her hand. "Things are going to get really bad. That's why I brought you here- to protect you."

"Would you stop with the riddles!" Lydia's voice squeaked nervously. "Just tell me what's going on!"

Cas looked away. "Dean and Sam…it's complicated. We might be able to stop the apocalypse, but it's going to be hard and it's going to require sacrifices. You are aware that I could die, right?"

Lydia's stomach clenched. "Don't talk like that."

"But…"

"No!" Lydia cut him off. "You're not going to die, Cas, I promise. I'll…" Lydia was at a loss for words.

Cas held her hand even tighter. "The angels and demons are going to be looking for me, and if they know that I'm close with you, they'll go after you too. That's why you need to be here, where you'll be safe."

"What about you?" Lydia whimpered.

He shrugged. "I'm not sure…" Cas thought for a few seconds. "Dean is going to say yes to Michael tomorrow, I can sense it. Sam and I are going to try to stop him, but either way, it's dangerous for all of us."

Lydia groaned and lay back down on the bed. "Leave it to me to fall in love with an angel that could die at any moment. This _would_ happen to me." Cas said nothing, and looking at him again, Lydia said, "So then what happens?"

"I'm not sure," Cas admitted. For the first time since Lydia went through detox, he actually sounded scared. He laid down next to Lydia, staring into her eyes. "Did I ever tell you that you're beautiful?"

"Only every time you see me." Lydia smiled.

Cas started playing with a piece of her hair. "Well you are." He paused thoughtfully. "Will you promise me something?"

"Sure."

"Don't ever get involved in this life," Cas was solemn. "I don't want you to ever turn to hunting and demons and angels."

"I don't either." Lydia tried to joke around to lighten the mood. It seemed to have no effect on the angel, however.

"I mean it, Lydia. Don't ever…"

Lydia closed her eyes and snuggled closer to him, putting her head on his chest. "Yeah, yeah, I heard you. I promise, no hunting."

Lydia felt Cas' arm move around her shoulders and pressed her closer to him. "And if I die…"

"Don't talk about that." Lydia said simply. She couldn't bring herself to think or talk about the possibility. She closed her eyes as silence filled the room. She was just about to fall asleep…

"Sam! Give me the freaking blanket…"

"Dean, you already have two!"

The sounds of fighting ensued. "Ow, dude, your foot is on my balls! Your leg is freakishly long!"

Lydia looked up at Cas, opening her eyes. "Are they always like this?" Cas nodded. "Figures."

"Get off of me, you stupid jerk!"

"What, are you gonna keeping whining, bitch?"

_ "Would you two idjits quit with your tickle fight and go to sleep_!" Bobby hollered from his own bedroom.

The house went silent again. At last, Lydia was able to fall asleep.

When she woke up the next morning, the first thing Lydia noticed was that Cas was gone. _Crap, he must've left already…_Lydia tried to breathe and not get herself worked up. After a few minutes, she rolled out of bed and started getting dressed and doing her makeup. She walked downstairs almost fifteen minutes later.

"Is anyone home…?" Lydia stopped when she walked into the living room and saw Bobby. Or rather, saw Bobby and another man…kissing.

"Oh my God…" Lydia whispered to herself. Bobby was…gay? What? She tried tiptoeing out of the room, but the two men had already seen her.

"So this is the angel's new little pet?" The other man spoke in a British accent, and Lydia felt chills run up her spine as he walked towards her. He stroked her cheek, grinning like a madman.

"That's enough," Bobby stopped him. "You have what you want, now get outta here."

"My pleasure, sweet cheeks." The man winked and exited the house.

Lydia turned back to Bobby. "Um…"

"Don't you dare say anything about this to anyone, you got that?" Bobby asked her. Lydia nodded. "It ain't what it looks like, and one day, I'll explain it to you. Just don't say nothin'."

"Okay…" Lydia walked back upstairs and locked the bedroom door behind her. She wasn't coming out of this room for anything. If it wasn't for Castiel, she would be gone within a matter of seconds.


	18. You Shook Me All Night Long

**(A/N)-Yeah, this is SO not getting finished by the season finale. Oh well, whatever. Breean, ashlynnhartt, supernaturallover1 and Julie all reviewed, so thank you, it means a lot to me. Bloody-kick-ass added this story to their favorites and added a story alert, as did xPoisonApplex660, so that deserves a thank you too. When I Make It Shine and jempa1112 put a story alert on here as well, as again, thank you. I am not one of the geniuses behind the powerhouse that is Supernatural; I'm just a fan that likes to play around with the characters.  
><strong>  
>Lydia, for the rest of the day, didn't come out of her room, unless it was to use the bathroom or the kitchen. Neither Dean, Sam, nor Cas had come back, but Bobby had talked to Sam on the phone and at least knew that Sam and Dean were okay. He said he had no idea about Castiel, though. Lydia still felt completely awkward around him, so they avoided each other at all costs.<br>Until the third day Lydia was there, though. On that day, everything changed.  
>Lydia was walking downstairs to get some food when she heard Bobby talking on the phone. "You sure? He just disappeared, just like that? I didn't know angels could…" Bobby looked up and saw Lydia looking at him from the doorway, pale as a ghost and eyes as big as could be.<br>"Yeah, Sam, I'll talk to you in a while. I gotta go." Bobby put down the phone and sighed. "You heard that, huh?"  
>"Did something to happen to Cas?" Lydia winced slightly when she realized how young and scared she sounded.<br>Bobby fidgeted with his trucker hat. "I'm not sure. Sam said that they know where Dean is, they're gonna bring him back here any minute."  
>As if on cue, Sam, Dean, and Cas all appeared in the middle of the living room. Lydia jumped back from the initial surprise, but breathed easier when she saw who it was.<br>"Hey." Lydia walked over and threw her arms around Cas' neck and smiled into his shoulder when his arms went around her.  
>"I'm okay." Cas said gently when he finally pulled away. Lydia nodded in understanding, and they stepped away, looking at a tired-looking Sam and an unconscious Dean.<br>Bobby looked at the younger man, his face full of worry. "Is he okay?"  
>Sam sighed and sat on the couch. "I dunno. We had to knock him out to make him listen to us."<br>"He'll be mighty pissed when he wakes up, y'know." Bobby offered.  
>Sam shrugged. "As long as he's not saying yes to Michael, I don't care." Lydia remembered how remarkably close Cas said the brothers were and felt pity for the younger Winchester. He must've just as worried about Dean and she had been about Cas.<br>The waited in silence, and about five minutes later, Dean started waking up.  
>"What…Sam?" Dean's automatically shot up, scanning the room for his brother. His tense body didn't relax in the slightest until he found Sam sitting on the couch. Once he did, his relaxed state soon turned to anger.<br>"What the hell, guys? I could've…"  
>"Dean, no you couldn't have," Sam said, his voice deadly calm. "And if you try to say that you could've, I will kick your ass into next week." Dean sat up and looked at his brother, ready to call his bluff, but saw that his brother wasn't bluffing.<br>Dean still wasn't happy. He continued arguing about it with Bobby when suddenly, Cas grasped his head and hunched over in pain.  
>"Cas? Cas?" Lydia bent down next to him, but he still didn't respond to her.<br>"Cas, you okay?" Sam asked the angel gently.  
>"No." Cas' voice was laced with pain.<br>"What's wrong?" asked Sam.  
>Cas just shook his head, not answering him. Lydia grabbed his face and forced him to look at her. "Cas, you need to tell us what's going on."<br>"Something's happening." He finally gasped out.  
>Dean stepped closer to him. "Where?" Cas took one last look at Lydia, then disappeared.<br>Dean threw his hands in the air. "Or you can not answer me and just go. That's okay too."  
>After a few seconds, Sam and Dean went into the kitchen, Bobby stayed in the study, and Lydia went back upstairs to her bedroom. She was only in there for a little while, though, when she heard Bobby call, "Boys! Lydia!" Lydia raced downstairs, as did the Winchesters, and found that Cas was back, lying another man on a cot.<br>"Who is that?" Bobby stared at the blonde-haired man.  
>"That's our brother." Sam said simply.<br>"You have a brother!" Lydia was stunned. This family got more and more complicated every day, it seemed.  
>Dean nodded. "Yeah, Adam. He's John's son, but we really don't talk to him…"<br>Lydia stood back and watched as Adam awoke and talked to the four men. She only heard bits and pieces about Zachariah and the angels, but she really didn't understand most of what was going on.  
>After a while, Cas turned and looked at Lydia. "Do you want to leave?"<br>Lydia shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me either way…" Then, the Winchesters' conversation got more heated, and Lydia changed her mind. "I'll just go outside for a second…"  
>Cas nodded, and Lydia realized that he wasn't going to follow her outside. She understood why he couldn't, but she still wished he would. She went outside and sat on the porch, trying to think about her apartment, Alyssa, her dream car, a 1965 blue Mustang…anything but what was going on inside the house and the thought that the only man that she really ever loved could die.<br>After a few minutes, she heard what sounded like a scream come from inside the house. "Cas?" Lydia raced into the house and looked around wildly. Her eyes locked on Sam. "Where's Cas?"

"Blown to Oz." He answered. "I'll explain in a while. Look, I'll get Dean. He couldn't have gone too far. Just watch Adam." Sam darted out the door to go…actually, Lydia didn't know where he was going. Or where Dean was, for that matter.

"How?" Bobby snapped as he pointed between himself and Lydia. "You may have noticed, he's got a slight height advantage over both of us."

"Then cuff him to your chair! I don't know! Just watch him!" Sam called as he left.

Bobby looked at Adam's sleeping form. "Well, don't look he's going to be up for a while. You can do whatever you want, I've got him covered."

"You sure?" Lydia asked. Bobby nodded reassuringly, and Lydia stood there awkwardly with her hands in her pockets, looking at the bookshelf behind her. Her eyes scanned the book titles, seeing nothing interesting until she read the words, "Angelic Folk Lore".

_You're the one dating an angel, honey, might as well find out everything you can about them.___Lydia thought to herself as she stood on her tip-toes and took the book of the shelf.

"What'cha got there?" Bobby asked her as she sat criss-crossed on the floor, opening the first page.

"_Angelic Folk Lore_." She answered him.

Bobby nodded. "Ah, doing a background check on your boyfriend, huh?"

Lydia's cheeks went red. "Yeah, kinda…"

"He's a nice guy, y'know," Bobby told her. "A little nerdy for an angel, but he's still good to have around."

Lydia nodded in agreement, but stopped and looked at Adam in horror. "Adam?"

"What the hell's the matter with you, boy?" Bobby wheeled himself closer to Adam, who was now standing up and looking between the two of them coldly. Then, in the blink of an eye, he was gone. He had disappeared in thin air.

"Crap!" Lydia leapt up and blinked a few times-Adam was still gone. "What the hell!"

Bobby pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and quickly dialed a number. "Sam? You better get back here…I'll tell you when you get here! Now hurry it up a bit, would you?" He hung up and shrugged at Lydia. "You try explaining that one over the phone."

Lydia, not knowing what else to do, went back on the floor and started reading the book again. After a few minutes of complete silence, she put the book down and looked at Bobby again. "So why'd you decide to become a hunter anyway?"

Bobby raised an eyebrow. "You're interested in hunting?"

"No!" Lydia shook her head enthusiastically. "No, not at all. It's just…Dean and Sam told you about my mom, right?" Bobby nodded. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate what hunters do and everything, but I just couldn't ever live that kind of life. It's great that you guys sacrifice everything, but I'm not that strong. Anyway, I just asked because I'm trying to make small talk and thought you might want to talk about it…" Lydia shrugged. "If you'd rather not, that's okay too."

"Nah, it's fine." Bobby suddenly went quiet. "My wife was possessed one day by a demon. After that, it seemed like the only thing I could do was…hunt."

"I'm sorry." Lydia said quietly.

Bobby shrugged indifferently-or at least that's how he tried to come off as. "Don't worry about it. It's just strange, y'know? How almost every hunter gets involved in this mess after they lose someone to the supernatural. That's how it always is. Probably always will be."

"Yeah," Lydia agreed quietly, mostly to herself. "Yeah, it is strange. Definitely."

Some time later-Lydia didn't know how much time had passed, she wasn't really keeping track- Sam returned. Lydia subtly slinked into the kitchen as she heard Sam say, "Bobby, what do you mean 'Adam is gone'?"

"Should I say it in Spanish?"

"He's gone? What the hell, Bobby!"

"Watch your tone, boy," Bobby snapped as Lydia walked back into the room, unnoticed by both the men. "He was right in front of me, and he disappeared into thin air."

"He's right." Sam turned around to see Lydia standing in the doorway. "We were watching him and he was here…and then he wasn't."

Sam looked like he still didn't believe them. "How?"

"Because the angels took him." Everybody in the room saw that Castiel had appeared again, holding Dean, who was bloody and battered.

"What the hell happened to him?" Sam asked.

"Me." Cas retorted shortly.

Lydia, who hadn't moved, looked at the angel in total shock. "You did that to him?"

Bobby didn't give Cas any time to respond. "What do you mean, the angels took Adam? You branded his ribs, didn't you?"

"Yes," Cas gave a small nod. "Adam must've tipped them."

"How?"

"I don't know," Cas confessed. "Maybe in a dream."

"Well, where would they have taken him?" Sam said.

"Go get Dean," Cas simply replied. "I'll show you." Sam nodded in understanding and went downstairs. Lydia didn't even know what was down in the basement, but she had a feeling that she didn't want to know. Cas, however, turned around and walked closer to Lydia. "Wait here?"

"Sure." Lydia said, a little bit irritated. She didn't exactly know why she was as annoyed as she was. Maybe it was the fact that Cas was always here one minute and gone the next. Maybe it was the fact that he could die at any moment and she would have no way of stopping it. Maybe it was the fact that she was stuck in a house with a man she barely knew while he was out there, fighting. Maybe it was a combination of all three.

Cas seemed to understand that. She really didn't know how he could read her like a book when she could barely read _him_. The angel kissed her and solemnly walked downstairs to join the two brothers. Lydia watched him go, taking a deep breath in.

"It's not what you thought it would be, huh?" Lydia heard Bobby ask from behind her. "Being in a relationship with someone like that."

Lydia kept her eyes on the spot where Cas was standing only seconds before. "No. It's definitely not."


	19. Love Is Oh So Lovely

**(A/N)-Hello boys and (probably mostly) girls. This is DwyerCas updating "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." I'm trying to update a little bit faster, but life's…well, you get it. And as for the season finale-it was amazing and horrifying at the same time. I l won't spoil it, but it made me want to kiss and slap Eric Kripke at the same time. (Especially since I'm a huge Cas fan) Alright, who do we thank today? matt-hardy-lover101, .angel14, angeleyenc, whitneySheree, Simple Paradox, Breean, parchment faery17and Splishboom reviewed, so I know I say this all the time, but thank you. I love getting any kind of feedback, but positive feedback leaves me with a goofy smile on my face for hours on end. AnnabelleLee13194 and Nyxan Moon put story alert on here, so thanks for that, and thank yous also go to AnimelovinKiDD for putting a story alert and a favorite on this story. Mega-thank you goes out to parchment faery17, who clicked "Story Alert", "Author Alert", "Favorite Story" AND "Favorite Author". I'm totally flattered, so thanks again to everyone, pretty much, who reads this story. And thanks again for 100 reviews! You guys totally rock, and keep leaving reviews! (Oh, and I don't own Supernatural. I'm pretty sure you've figured that out by now) AND, one other thing. I jumped into Supernatural the week before "Like A Virgin" aired, so although I've seen majority of the episodes, I haven't seen the last few episodes of season 5. So this might get ever so slightly AU just because of my screw up. I'm going by Super Wiki's transcripts, so thank you to that site.**

The next few days passed by slowly and uneventfully. A few hours after the Winchesters had left, Sam called and told Bobby that Cas was gone and that nobody had heard from him. Lydia, consequently, was anxious 24 hours a day. It took every ounce of her willpower not to start crying at any given moment, but if it wasn't for Bobby reassuring her that Castiel would be okay, Lydia was sure she'd lose it.

Actually, Lydia's relationship with Bobby had improved tenfold. She still didn't know what that incident in the living room was all about, but neither of them brought it up. Lydia had finished _Angelic Folk Lore_, and with nothing else to do, she moved onto a book about these things called Wendigos and the one she was on now, one about vampires. It was fascinating stuff, she had to admit.

One day, however, Bobby was in the backyard and called to her. "Lydia, c'mere a second!"

Lydia put her book down, put on a pair of boots (it was crazy muddy outside) and went outside. "Yeah, Bobby?"

Bobby was sitting in his chair, a riffle across his lap, facing a bull's eye target. "I was talking to the boys, and we all agreed that if something should happen where none of us can help you, you need to defend yourself." He held out the riffle for Lydia to take. "Now shoot the target. My butt's crampin'."

"What?" Lydia didn't reach for the gun-she just stared at it. "No, I can't. I promised Cas…"

"Promised him what?" Bobby pushed impatiently.

"I promised him that I wouldn't get involved in this lifestyle," Lydia bit her lip nervously. "I told him that I wouldn't hunt anything…"

"I ain't asking you to go hunt Lucifer!" Bobby seemed aggravated at her hesitance. "I'm asking you to learn some self-defense so you don't get your ass kicked. And I'm pretty damn sure angel boy would at least want you to learn how to use a gun so you don't get yourself killed."

Lydia, growing angry, snatched the riffle from Bobby's hand. "Fine. You want me to shoot the damn thing, I'll shoot it." She tried holding it-she held it awkwardly, but her anger was still red hot-and aimed for the target. She missed completely-she barely hit the white outer circle.

Bobby snorted condescendly. "What, that's the best you can do? That ain't gonna kill a demon-that'll just piss him off."

Lydia shot again, hitting the tiniest bit closer to the center. Bobby snapped, "C'mon, you can do better than that!" They stayed like that for a while-Lydia shooting and Bobby egging her on. Eventually, the bullets in the gun ran out. Lydia looked back at Bobby, silently asking him what to do next. As always, Bobby was prepared. He tossed her another set of bullets and showed her how to reload the gun. Within a few minutes, Lydia was shooting again. They repeated the process for almost fifteen minutes before Lydia finally hit the center.

"Am I done now?" Lydia asked, exasperated.

Bobby shrugged. "Sure. You tired?" Lydia nodded wearily. "Get used to it." Bobby started wheeling himself inside-with great difficulty, of course, but he wouldn't let Lydia help him in the slightest bit.

After that, things got quite boring again. With every passing day, Lydia became more and more worried about Castiel. She honestly didn't know how much more of this she could take; she felt like she was going to burst any second…Correction. Things got boring, but got interesting again a few days after the shooting practice. Lydia had just finished taking a shower and went downstairs, hair still wet, when she heard the door open and shut. "Honey, I'm home!" It was Deans' voice, without a doubt.

"Just who I wanted to see," Bobby rolled his eyes as Dean and Sam walked in. Lydia tried not to hide her disappointment when Cas wasn't with them. "The Hardy boys."

"Hey Lyd," Dean waved to her slightly.

Lydia smiled back. "Hey guys." She bit her lip to stop herself from asking about Cas, but she blurted it out anyway. "Is Cas with you?"

Sam shook his head. "Sorry." Then, seeing Lydia's face fall ever so slightly, he added, "If we heard from him at all, we would tell you."

"I know." Lydia said quietly.

"So, Bobby. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby." Dean sounded _way_ more cheerful than usual, almost to the point of frightening. "Did you know about this?"

"What?" Bobby asked innocently.

Dean's self-control was suddenly gone, and Lydia could see the anger written all over his face. "About Sam's genius plan to cram the devil down his throat!" Bobby nodded, and Dean snapped, "Well thanks for the heads up!"

"Hey, this ain't about me." Bobby tried defending himself.

Dean turned back to Sam. "You can't do this."

"That's the consensus." Sam deadpanned.

"All right. Awesome. Then, end of discussion." Dean stopped mid-rant when his phone rang. "This isn't over. Hello?" Dean's face immediately changed as he listened to the person on the other line. "Cas?"

Lydia's stomach flipped. "Is that Cas?" She ran over to Dean, who put the phone on speaker phone. "Cas, are you okay?"

"Lydia?" Cas said. It felt so good to hear his voice again, even if it was over the phone. "

Lydia swallowed hard, trying to get her emotions under control. "Where are you?"

"Yeah, man, we all thought you were dead." Dean added. Lydia looked up at him, murder in her eyes. He shrugged apologetically. "He's not, so what does it matter?"

Cas' voice interrupted them both. "I'm in a hospital."

"Are you okay?" Dean asked.

"No." Cas' answer was short.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Care to elaborate?"

"I just woke up here. The doctors were fairly surprised. They thought I was brain-dead."

"So you don't know how you got there?" asked Lydia.

Cas sighed. "Apparently, after Van Nuys, I suddenly appeared, bloody and unconscious, on a shrimping boat off Delacroix. I'm told it upset the sailors."

Lydia smiled to herself; he was just adorable sometimes, she couldn't help herself. Dean, however, just continued on talking. "Uh, well, I gotta tell you, man, you're just in time. We figured out a way to pop Satan's box."

"How?"

"It's a long story," Dean said. "But, look, we're going after Pestilence now, so if you want to zap over here…"

Cas' voice was noticeably more sober, Lydia noticed. "I can't 'zap' anywhere."

"What do you mean?" Lydia reached for the phone and brought it closer to her mouth.

"You could say that my batteries are-are drained."

Dean's voice, however, was noticeably more panicked. "What do you mean? You're all out of angel mojo?"

Castiel snapped, "I'm saying that I am thirsty and my head aches. I have a bug bite that itches no matter how much I scratch it, and I'm saying that I'm just incredibly…"

"Human?" Lydia offered.

Cas' tone was softer when he was talking to her. "Well, my point is, I can't go anywhere without money for…an airplane ride. And food. And more pain medication, ideally."

Dean took the phone from Lydia and started talking. "All right. Well, no worries. Uh, Bobby's here. He'll wire you the cash."

"Dean, wait." Cas started.

Bobby interrupted. "I will?"

Cas continued. "You said 'no' to Michael. I owe you an apology."

"Cas…it's okay." Dean sighed.

"You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man I believed you to be." Cas told him honestly.

Dean nodded as he said, "Thank you. I appreciate that."

"You're welcome." Cas said, then added, "Lydia?"

"Yeah, I'm still here." Lydia got closer to the phone.

She heard him take a deep breathe. "I love you."

"Yeah, love you too, Cas."


	20. Let's Give Them Something To Talk About

**(A/N)-113 reviews in 20 chapters! Okay, so this story is going to be wrapping soon-how soon, I don't know-but again, thanks for everyone reading this story. People I want to thank in particular are WhitneySheree, Breean, Splishboom, angeleyenc, parchment faery17, celeste301, and matt-hardy-lover101 for reviewing, celeste301 and LiliAnn Jackson for the story alert, KiphartAngel and hugs212 for adding this story to your favorites, and the girl with one of the greatest pen names ever, Oh My Sam and Kurt in a bed for adding a story alert and favorite to this story. As always, Supernatural belongs to…whoever owns it. I just know it's not me. I always have a poem I wrote in Sam's POV for the "Mystery Spot" episode, so if you wanna read that, it's there. And once this story is finished, I'm going to go and review every single one of your stories. If you've reviewed, put a story alert, added to favorites or anything like that, I'm going to review at least one of your stories. (That'll keep me busy, huh?) And cookies goes to the person that can point out the Brady Bunch reference. (It's really not that hard)**

Dean and Sam left soon after Cas had called-they went to find Pestilence-but returned a few days after that. Lydia was attempting to make some food for herself and for Bobby when she felt somebody hug her middle from behind. "You dyed your hair brown. I like it."

Lydia whirled around and threw her arms around the angel's neck. "Castiel!"

Cas hugged her back, pressing her body closely to his, almost in desperation. "Hello." He mumbled into her shoulder.

Lydia pulled back and scanned him up and down. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Yes, I'm fine."

"You sure?" Lydia asked. She couldn't help but notice that his entire demeanor had changed. He was much more solemn and serious than usual. He wasn't exactly Mr. Sunshine either, but he usually didn't look this miserable. It could've been because he was tired-he just got out of the hospital, after all-but Lydia couldn't help but wonder if it was something more.

Cas nodded again. "Yes, I am okay."

"Hey, Mike! Carol!" Dean interrupted them both as he walked into the kitchen. "I hate to break this up, but Cas, we need you."

Cas nodded. "Of course." He looked back at Lydia. "You stay here. I'll be in the study if you need me." He started to walk away, but Lydia grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Stay here?" she asked indignantly. "Why can't I go in there?"

"Because." Cas said simply.

"Because why?"

"Because I don't want you in there and I said so, Lydia." Cas said, his voice a bit louder.

Dean coughed into his fist with a smirk on his face. Lydia and Cas both dropped their argument and turned their heads to glare at him. Dean held his hands up defensively and silently slipped out of the kitchen.

Lydia looked back at Cas. "I'm allowed to go in there if I want to!"

"No you're not!" Cas wasn't exactly _yelling_, but he was getting close. Lydia, however, was already screaming at him, completely furious.

"You're not the boss of me!"

Cas said coolly, "No, I'm not. But you are my…" Cas couldn't find the correct word to use. "I consider you my responsibility and it's my job to keep you safe. If you get involved in the things we're talking about and Lucifer finds out…"

"Let him find out!" Lydia protested. "He's going to come after me anyways!"

"No he's not," insisted Castiel. "I'll make sure of it."

"But…"

"Jesus Christ, would you two shut up!" Bobby called from the other room. Cas looked at the door wearily, grabbed Lydia's wrist, and dragged her into the study.

"Bobby, can you please tell Lydia that this doesn't concern her and she should stay in the kitchen?" Cas pleaded with Bobby.

Lydia felt her emotions flare up. "Oh, you want the woman to stay in the kitchen, right?"

"That's not what I meant…" Cas started, but Bobby cut them both off.

"Just let the girl stay, Cas!" Bobby was clearly annoyed. "Lydia's a smart girl. There ain't no harm in her just listening. She knows how to defend herself-I taught her how to shoot a gun a while back…"

"You did _what_?" Cas stared at Bobby, murder in his eyes.

Lydia sighed. "Cas, it's not his fault…"

"You asked him to do teach you!" Cas looked at her angerly. Lydia was almost surprised at how emotional-how human-Cas was acting.

"No!" Lydia shot back, just as angry as he was. "He wanted to teach me! It was in total self-defense!"

Cas stopped, took a deep breath, and continued speaking. "You do not need any self-defense. It is not necessary."

"But what if I get attacked?"

"You _won't_," Cas insisted. "I won't allow it."

Lydia sighed and took a seat in the chair and glared up at Cas, daring him to try to move her. She knew that he must've been worried about her safety, but she was a big girl. She could handle listening to a freakin' conversation.

Cas, however, was still standing. He knew that Lydia couldn't possibly understand how fearful he was to let her be introduced to this kind of madness. She had no idea what Lucifer would do to her and him-he highly doubted that Lucifer was going to let either of them live. But judging by the look in her eyes, Cas knew that she wasn't going anywhere. With a resigned sigh, Cas walked over to her and sat next to her, putting an arm around her protectively. Protectively from…from what? He didn't know. It just felt right. Lydia sighed, most of her remaining angry leaving her, and leaned against Cas, putting her head on his shoulder.

Sam and Dean looked just as miserable as Lydia and Cas did. Bobby, however, was a bit more enthusiastic. "Well, it's nice to actually score a home run for once, ain't it?" When he didn't get a response, Bobby said, "What?"

Sam sighed. "Last thing Pestilence said. 'It's too late'."

"He get specific?" Bobby asked.

"No."

"We're just a little freaked out that he might have left a bomb somewhere," Dean said. "So please tell us that you have actual good news."

Bobby was silent for a few seconds. Then, "Chicago's about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain reaction of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die."

Dean put his head down on his arm, looking more defeated and helpless then Lydia had ever seen him. _How did I go from waiting tables in Iowa to talking about the end of the world in…?_ Wow. Almost six months. Six months since Dean, Sam, and Castiel had walked through the door of the diner.

A lot had changed in six months.

Next to her, Cas said, "I don't understand your definition of good news." Dean brought his head up and looked at Bobby, exasperated. Lydia couldn't help but feel exasperated herself-the tension in this room was suffocating.

"Well…" Bobby said slowly. "Death, the horseman- he's gonna be there. And if we can stop him before he kick-starts this storm, get his ring back…"

Dean interrupted him and sarcastically answered, "Yeah, you make it sound so easy."

"Hell, I'm just trying to put a spin on it." Bobby defended himself.

Sam said, "Well…Bobby, h-how'd you put all this together, anyways?"

Reluctantly, Bobby answered. "I had, y'know…help."

All five of them in the room turned around when they heard the sound of a glass. Lydia saw that man from earlier during her visit, the man with the British accent pouring himself a glass of whiskey. "Don't be so modest," he said. "I barely helped at all." Dean, Sam, Cas, and Lydia all looked back at Bobby in surprise.

The man continued speaking. "Hello boys. Pleasure, et cetera." He looked at Cas and Lydia, and Lydia could've sworn Cas' arm around her tightened. "Ah, yes. Hello Castiel. Your girlfriend and I have already met." Cas glared up at the man standing above him, his whole body instinctively sitting up straighter. Lydia instantly took a disliking to the man in front of her, and judging by the reactions from the other men in the room, she knew she had good reason.

"Go ahead, tell them," The man looked at Bobby. "There's no shame in it."

"Bobby?" Sam asked nervously. "Tell us what?"

Bobby took a deep breath and said hesitantly, "World's gonna end. Seems stupid to get all precious over one little…soul."

"You sold your soul!" Dean shouted.

Lydia's heart leapt into her mouth. "_That's_ what you were doing? Last time he was here?" She pointed at the strange man.

"Name's Crowley, sweetheart," Crowley said sarcastically as he winked at her. He turned his attention back to Bobby and the Winchesters. "And he didn't _sell_ it exactly. More like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back."

"Well then give it back!" Dean demanded.

"I will."

"Now!"

"Did you kiss him?"

"Sam!" Dean snapped as Lydia's face burned red.

"Just wondering…" Sam said defensively.

Bobby looked between Sam and Dean in forced disbelief and shock. "No!" He finally gasped out.

They all heard a cough come from behind them to show Crowley holding a cell phone, a picture of Crowley and Bobby kissing on it. Lydia immediately looked down, trying to avoid eye contact with anybody in the room.

"Why'd you take a picture?" Bobby asked bitterly.

Crowley shrugged. "Why'd you have to use tongue?" He pointed at Lydia. "Feather-Butt's lover walked in on us as we were sealing the deal. Must've been pretty traumatizing to the poor girl."

Lydia felt four pairs of eyes on her and her fire-engine-red face. She shrugged helplessly. "I just thought you were gay…"

"Alright, you know what?" Dean snapped as he stood up. "I'm sick of this. Give him his soul back now."

"I'm sorry," Crowley answered. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" Dean growled.

"I won't, alright?" Crowley said. "It's insurance."

"What are you talking about?"

Crowley, snarky as ever, told him, "You kill demons. Gigantor over here has a temper issue about it. But you won't kill me…as long as I have that soul in the deposit box."

"You son of a bitch!" Bobby hissed.

Crowley looked indifferent. "I'll return it. After this is all over, and I can safely walk away. Do we all understand each other?"

** (A/N)- Hey guys, me again. I know that a lot of you who read this story are Cas fans who like to write/read, so there's a new blog devoted to all Cas fan fiction. It's a collection of short stories written and run by myself and other members of the CW Lounge, so we encourage you all visit and read the stories. Some are funny, some are sad, and some are heartbreakingly hopeful. We would love if you guys checked it out at .com. The link is also on my profile, so please, go read the stories. If you want to write your own story and have it put on the blog, email me at **** or send me a PM so we can talk about it. Thanks again for everything, guys!**


	21. This Love

**(A/N)- I am the worst updater in the world, I swear to Godstiel…Once school lets out and my finals are done, we'll be back to new chapters every other day, but you just have to bear with me for a while. People who reviewed are puppyluv1031, celeste301, WhitneySheree, Splishboom, parchment faery17, Breean, matt-hardy-lover-101, angeleyenc, UntilNeverDawns and Julia, so thank you for reviewing and for your patience. LucklessRomance, Trinideanfan, UntilNeverDawns, and strangekitten, thank you for your story alerts, and to puppyluv1031, UntilNeverDawns and strangekitten, thank you for adding IWFYITD to your favorite stories list. I don't own Supernatural. Duh. (And check out my profile for the Cas Tales link and my favorite stories-I'm currently in the process of adding really great Cas romances, as well as SPN stories in general, to my favorites list)**

"Well, it's the 11th hour, and I am useless," Castiel complained to Lydia and Bobby as he waved the shotgun he was holding. "What am I even supposed to do with it?"

Lydia felt a slight embarrassment when she saw Bobby roll his eyes at the angel. She knew that she shouldn't take it personally-he didn't even have his soul-but she could tell that Bobby was getting annoyed with Cas very quickly. They were waiting in Bobby's yard for the Winchesters to get back.

"You shoot it, Cas," Lydia offered helpfully. "You point it and shoot it. It really isn't too hard once you get the hang of it."

"Says the girl that almost shot me in the leg yesterday…" Bobby muttered.

Lydia shrugged. "I didn't say _I_ had the hang of it yet…"

"I told you that I didn't want you shooting anymore guns." Cas said sternly.

"And I told you that I didn't want you telling me what to do." Lydia shot back.

"You never told me that!" protested Cas.

"Well, I'm telling you now."

"What I used to be…"

"Are you really gonna bitch to us?" Bobby snapped. "Quit pining for the varsity years. I don't hear your girlfriend complaining!" Lydia and Cas both looked at each other, then looked back at Bobby, who added, "And load the damn truck."

Lydia sighed and moved some of her hair out of her face. Once Crowley had shown up, things had quickly become deadlier than ever. Lydia wasn't even sure that she grasped exactly how bad things were. And her she was, standing outside of an old drunk's yard, rifle in hand, with the old drunk, two brothers with severe emotional problems, a demon, and an angel for a boyfriend.

"Alyssa'll never believe _this_ one…" she muttered under her breath.

She tuned back into the conversation going on in front of her just in time to hear Cas say to Crowley, "How did you get that?" Lydia saw Dean holding a small scythe, which she assumed Crowley had given him.

Crowley simply smirked at him. "Hello? King of the Crossroads?" He looked at the other hunters. "So, shall we? Bobby, you just gonna sit there?"

"No, I'm gonna river dance." Bobby answered the "King of the Crossroads" sarcastically. Lydia tried her best to hide her smirk; she loved Bobby's sharp tongue and witty comebacks, even when they were directed at her.

"I suppose if you want to impress the ladies…" Crowley looked as condescending as ever. "Lydia, hon, do you find that sexy?"

"_Crowley_!" Cas snapped, upset. He became incredibly defensive whenever Crowley looked at Lydia, talked to Lydia, or was so much as in the same room as Lydia.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Cassie," Crowley purred before turning back to Bobby. "Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Really wasted that crossroads deal. Fact- you get more if you phrase it properly. So, I took the liberty of adding a teeny little sub-clause on your behalf." The demon shrugged. "What can I say? I'm an altruist. Just gonna sit there?"

Lydia, Castiel, Sam and Dean all looked at the old hunter in amazement as Bobby stood up out of his wheelchair; none of them, however, looked as awestruck as Bobby himself. "Son of a bitch…"

"Yes, I know," Crowley said un-modestly. "Completely worth your soul. I'm a hell of a guy."

"Thanks." Bobby offered breathlessly.

Crowley looked bored and uncomfortable. "This is getting maudlin. Can we go?"

Sometime later, Lydia found herself inside Bobby's van. It wasn't the cleanest of vehicles, and it definitely didn't smell great, but it was a van, nonetheless. Lydia couldn't actually remember the last time she had been inside a car this small. She took the bus when she could afford it, but hadn't ridden in a real vehicle in years. She realized with a jolt that she had never even gotten a driver's license. In all 23 years of her life, she had never once driven anything.

"'Yes' to Lucifer." Cas' voice next to her interrupted her thoughts. Sam had been telling their angel friend and herself all about the plan to trap the devil once again. Lydia didn't know that much about what he was saying, but it seemed well thought-out and reasonable- if you excluded the part where Sam's soul was trapped in hell forever.

"Then jump in the hole…" Cas looked pensive and thoughtful. "It's an interesting plan."

"That's a word for it." Bobby snorted.

Sam looked at Cas seriously. "So? Go ahead and tell me it's the worst plan you ever heard."

"Of course. I am happy to say that if that's what you want to hear," the trench coat-wearing angel said, completely serious. "But it's not what I think."

"Really?" Sam seemed surprised.

Cas nodded. "You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. He resisted Michael. Maybe you could resist Lucifer." Then, in a more serious tone, he added, "But there are things you would need to know."

"Like?"

"Michael has found another vessel." Cas explained.

"What?" Sam's eyes widened in surprise as the dark-haired angel nodded.

"It's your brother Adam," Cas looked between the two brothers. "You must have considered it."

"We're trying not to." Sam confessed.

"Sam…" Cas' tone was much more serious than before. "If you say yes to Lucifer and then fail…This fight _will_ happen. And the collateral…It'll be immense." Cas paused for a second. "There's also the demon blood."

"What?" Sam seemed to be thrown completely off-guard. "What are you talking about?" Lydia, however, was completely clueless. Her face flushed with the shame of seeming so ignorant.

"To take in Lucifer, it would be more than you've ever drunk." Lydia's mind was reeling. Drinking demon blood? They have _got_ to be kidding.

"But…why?" Judging by Sam's worried look, he and Castiel clearly _weren't_ kidding.

"It strengthens the vessel," Cas explained slowly. "Keeps it from exploding."

"But the guy he's in now…" Sam tried to protest.

"He's drinking gallons."

Bobby looked at the angel like he was crazy. "And how is that not the worst plan you've ever heard?" And Lydia had to agree with Bobby…on this one, at least.

Sam looked in Lydia's direction, apprehension written all over his face. "Are you sure this is a good idea, bringing her along?"

"No," Cas admitted. "But there's nowhere else where she could be safe. If Lucifer finds out where she lives and she's there alone…" He grimaced at the thought.

Suddenly, Lydia felt her heart leap up into her throat. "What about Alyssa? Will he go after her?"

Cas sighed. "I don't know. He might."

"Well we've got to go get her!" Lydia shrieked. "What the hell are we doing here!"

"Lydia, no." Cas looked into her eyes seriously, but Lydia was having none of it.

"Castiel, she could die!"

"We don't have a choice," said Cas. "Lucifer might not even go near her. But if he does, there's nothing we can do without putting you at risk…"

Lydia nodded weakly. Cas could be as stubborn as she could, and she really didn't want to argue with him. She had never seen him like this, though; he was infuriating, yes, but he was usually a sweetheart. She could see that there was another side to him that she hadn't yet seen, and she wasn't sure if she liked it. And although she felt like a coward just letting Lucifer go after her only friend-if he did go after her-she knew that Cas was right, that she couldn't do anything to stop it. But it didn't stop her from feeling disgusted with herself.


	22. The Only Hope For Me Is You

**(A/N)- This is the 22****nd**** chapter of the epic (or not so epic) romance of Castiel and Lydia, which means this is probably the third last chapter of this story, because it this chapter takes place right before "Swan Song". Will there be a sequel? I don't know yet, but I'm not ruling out the possibility completely. Anyway, reviewers who are awesome and should be (and are being) thanked are UntilNeverDawns, WhitneySheree, parchment faery17, Breean, AndieGibbs09 (and thank you for adding me and the story to your favorites, as well as adding me to your Author Alerts list), matt-hardy-lover-101 and angeleyenc. CeejofLondon added this to her favorites, so thank you so much, (And don't worry; I got into the series really late too, in January of 2011), and Rizzal and xEllekex for adding this to your story alert list. And I want to thank valeskathesilverwolf for reviewing and pressing both favorite buttons and both alert buttons. I don't own anything, with the exception of Lydia, Alyssa, and Alex. I just hope that I'm doing the other characters I'm borrowing justice.**

Lydia was exhausted and about to reach her breaking point. She sat on Bobby Singer's couch, silently looking at the ceiling. What had her life come to? She had just gotten back from chasing freaking _demons_. Cas, as usual, was against it the whole time, but they didn't have a choice; the safest place for her to be was with Castiel or one of the hunters. Right now, she had no idea where Cas was. Or where Sam and Dean were, for that matter. Bobby was only a few feet away from herself, leafing through books, trying to find everything he could about Lucifer.

"So how you holding up?" Bobby asked, not looking up from his books.

Lydia shrugged. "Meh."

"Wanna enlighten me what 'meh' means?"

Sighing, Lydia asked, "How do you do this job, day in and day out?" She turned her head so she could look at Bobby. "Like, how do you keep fighting, even after all the crap you've been through?"

Bobby stared down at the desk for a few seconds, then shrugged. "I don't really know. It's just something I gotta do."

"But _why_?" Lydia pressed.

"I just told you, I dunno," Bobby, for a change, didn't seem upset or annoyed with her. "It's one of those things that you have to be a hunter to understand."

Lydia was about to open her mouth to respond when she heard somebody on the other side of the room. "Hello." The second the first word was out of his mouth, Lydia recognized Castiel's voice. She leapt off the couch and hugged Cas' waist. Almost instantly, the fallen angel put his arms around her and hugged her back. With only a small, "I need to talk to you," Cas tugged on her wrist gently and led her upstairs to her bedroom.

"What's going on?" Lydia asked gingerly. "Are you okay?"

Castiel shook his head as he went into the closet and grabbed her suitcase from

the closet. "I need to take you home."

"What?" Lydia could've sworn her heart stopped beating. She missed Alyssa and her home, but she didn't want to leave at all. She hadn't seen Dean or Sam much, but she still really liked them, and she would really miss Bobby, no matter how crabby and soulless he was. And it was pretty obvious to her that if Castiel was telling her to leave, there was something wrong. Really wrong.

"Cas, what's going on? Why do I have to leave?" Lydia reached out and touched his shoulder.

Castiel looked at her gravely. "It's not safe here for you anymore. For anyone of us." He paused before quietly adding, "He's going to say yes."

Lydia said quietly, "Sam?"

Cas nodded. "We are going through with his plan. Lucifer will take control very soon."

"So that's why you want me home? So he'll be with you and not with me?" Cas

nodded again.

"Well screw that," Lydia declared. "I'm staying with you."

"Lydia, no. It's not even a consideration." The tone of the angel's voice made Lydia realize she was fighting a losing battle, but she still protested.

"But what about you?" Her voice sounded scared and frightened. "Lucifer will...Dammit, he'll kill you, Cas!"

Castiel nodded. "Yes, that is a very real possibility."

"Well then don't you think that I should be there with you?" Lydia knew, in the

back of her mind, that her logic would not have any effect on the angel's decision, but she still pressed on.

Cas cocked his head to one side and softly said, "And how exactly do you propose that you being there, at a battle for the end of the world with Michael and Lucifer themselves, is going to save me or help me in any way, shape, or form?" Lydia didn't respond, because she knew that he was right and she didn't have anything else to say.

Castiel sighed loudly and started throwing her things into the suitcase. "I can't have you there with me, Lydia. I just can't. I want you to be home, safe."

"But I won't be happy at home!" Lydia cried out, feeling tears threatening to

fall. "You're asking me to stay home for God-knows-how long, waiting to see if you'll live or die!" The tears finally started racing down her cheeks as she told him, "Castiel, I love you so much, I don't think you even understand. I can't take not knowing like that!"

"I'll be all right." Cas offered weakly. Even as he said it, he knew they both

knew that he was lying through his teeth.

Lydia shook her head, unable to control herself any longer. "No you won't! I know you won't!" Lydia started sobbing out loud, hugging herself to try to keep it together. Castiel stepped towards her and threw his arms around her, but she couldn't let herself return his embrace; she just stood there, awkwardly crying as he held her.

"Cas, you're the only reason I have to stay alive," she whispered into his

chest. "I'll die without you."

"No you won't," Cas tried in vain to make the tears stop flowing. "You'll be okay."

"I…" No, she couldn't do this right now. She was so emotionally shattered right now, she couldn't take it anymore. In a moment of heated passion, she pressed her lips against Cas' and cupped the back of his head in her hands. Almost instantaneously, he gave into the kiss and they started coming closer and closer together until they were pressed up against each other tightly, his arms around her waist and her arms around his neck.

Lydia wasn't sure who started using tongue first, but soon, they were completely and totally making out. She felt his hands grab her butt and he lifted her up so her legs were wrapped around his hips and her arms were wrapped around his neck. They fell onto the bed and Lydia was on top of him, their lips still connected. Within a matter of seconds, clothes were being torn off in a frenzy, and they were both of the bed, completely naked.

With a gasp, Castiel broke the kiss. He looked at Lydia's body, then her face, captivated. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

Lydia nodded. "If this really is your last night on Earth…" Cas understood what she was saying immediately. He stood up, and with a deep breath, turned off the light switch. Covered by the darkness, he walked back to the bed, telling himself that he was ready, that he could do this. When he reached Lydia, he whispered, "This is my…first time."

And right before it happened, before he gave her everything-his intimacy- he heard her say back, "It's mine too."


	23. Rolling in the Deep

**(A/N)- 24 chapters down, 1 more to go! Thank you so much to angeleyenc, matt-hardy-lover-101, AndieGibbs09 (and yeah, I can't control the formatting, it's just what does and it drives my OCD crazy), WhitneySheree, UntilNeverDawns, parchment faery17, and valeskathesilverwolf for reviewing, and Alexis Nickle and AndieGibbs09 for adding this to your favorite stories list, as well as KeelsC for adding this to your favorites. This is going to be the last chapter with Castiel in it (except MAYBE in flashbacks), so I hope you all have enjoyed the way I portrayed him. (And believe me, most of you are going to HATE how I end this chapter) I don't own SPN and never will.**

When Lydia woke up, she was in her own bedroom back in her apartment in Iowa. She almost leapt out of bed-after spending weeks at Bobby's, she had gotten used to the old spare bedroom-but relaxed when she remember what had happened the night before. She realized that Castiel, after they were finished making love, must've brought her here. She felt her cheeks go slightly red when she realized she was still naked under the blankets. She had finally lost her virginity. To an angel, of all people. But it was nice; it made her realize how much she really did love Cas, how afraid she was to lose him.

With a jolt, Lydia remembered Alyssa. She grabbed her cell phone, which Cas had left next to her on the dresser, and dialed her boss's number.

Come on, come on…" Lydia said nervously as the phone rang.

She got three rings when she heard Alyssa say groggily, "Girlfriend, I'm going to smack you into next week for waking me up this early."

Lydia breathed a sigh of relief; she could've cared less if Alyssa was annoyed with her, so long as she was alive. "It's not that early, is it?"

"Don't you know what time it is?" Alyssa sounded tired as could be.

"No…"

Lydia could sense Alyssa rolling her eyes, even through the phone. "It's five-thirty, smart one."

"Oh, sorry," Lydia winced when she looked at her alarm- she hadn't realized how early it actually was. "Well, I'm back. Do you need me to come into today?"

"When you'd come back?"

"Last night."

Alyssa sighed. "Nah, don't bother. I can handle it."

"Okay, thanks." Lydia said. Alyssa, not even bothering to say goodbye, promptly hung up the phone.

Lydia hung up and let the phone drop to the floor. She lay there, staring at her ceiling for a few minutes before she got up, got dressed, and went into the kitchen. As she looked around the kitchen, she realized how much she actually _did_ miss her place. It wasn't much, but it was still home.

The rest of the day passed by horribly slowly. She didn't dare go out of her apartment; she just stayed at home watching TV and eating. Finally, hours and hours later, at almost nine at night, Cas appeared.

"Cas!" Lydia whispered-yelled as she threw off the blanket she had draped over her and leapt to her feet. She was about to rush to him, but stopped herself; he looked exhausted and saddened. There was something else, something different about him that she couldn't put her finger on.

Are you sure you're okay?"

Cas stared down at the floor before letting out a long sigh. "I think so." He looked back up at Lydia. "I died today."

Lydia's eyes shot wide open. "You died?" she shrieked loudly. Castiel nodded

curtly. "But...then...how're you...you're alive?"

"I was brought back." Cas explained, his tone serious and business-like. "By God, I think."

"God?" Lydia's eyes were still opened wide.

"Yes."

Lydia thought for a moment. "So does this mean you're a full angel now?"

Castiel shook his head. "No. When I was brought back, I was brought back as an angel." He looked so undeniably happy as he told her, "I'm an angel again, Lyd. My powers are back."

Although she hated herself for feeling so negative while the man-angel- she loved was so happy, Lydia's heart dropped. Although his powers were back, she knew that Castiel's' human-like emotions were now gone.

"So now what?" She asked him consciously.

Cas' face grew dark as he said, "I must return to heaven. There's work to be done for my brothers and sisters. I'm sure heaven is total chaos without Michael there."

Lydia was too shocked and unsure to say anything. Cas finally broke the silence. "I'm leaving you."

The shock of Cas going back to heaven was replaced by the shock of his words. "What?"

"I don't have a choice," Cas quickly tried to explain, so much that he started tripping over his words. "My duty as an angel…"

"…is more important than me." Lydia didn't even let him finish his sentence, disgust filling her voice.

"Lydia, please, try to understand…" Cas pleaded with her.

"Try to understand what!" she hissed, her voice filled with venom and her eyes filled with hurt. "That as soon as you get into my pants, it's all over?"

Cas' eyes widened with realization of how it seemed. "No, no! That's not it at all!"

"So what?" Tears began pouring out of her eyes as Lydia said, "I'm okay for a human fling, but the damn second you get your angelic powers back, I'm tossed to the side?"

"Lydia!" Cas reached forward and grabbed Lydia's shoulders, but she pushed him away with such force that he stepped away from her for a second. Then, recovering, he grabbed her chin with his hand and forced her to look at him.

"I love you," he told her breathlessly. "I will always love you, I promise you." Cas noticed the tears only fell harder. "But I just can't do this. I need to be up there, fighting, not down here worrying about you."

Lydia's lower lip trembled slightly. "You're not even going to fight for me?"

Cas sighed and gathered the weeping girl into his arms. He shut his eyes and sighed, wishing the moment would linger forever, taking in everything he could-how her hair smelled, how her tears felt against his shoulder, how her muffled cries sounded to his ears. _Please don't be the last time I see you…please don't be the last time I'll ever get to hold you…This kills me more than you'll ever know…_

_Please forgive me._

As he broke away from her, Castiel said, "I _am_ fighting for you. I'm going to restore heaven and Earth, I promise. And when I do…" Cas wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I'll allow humans and angels to be together. We'll be together, and I'll take care of you…We just can't be. Not right now. The other angels…" He stopped talking when Lydia, still looking down at the ground, took his hands away from her face and held them.

"Don't do this." Lydia begged him. She held his hands tighter. "Just let me follow you wherever you go!" Her voice became even more hysterical when she saw him shaking his head. "Please! Believe me, I will! I'll follow you wherever! I'll follow you into the dark, if I need to!"

Cas looked at her sadly. "I don't have a choice."

Lydia let out a sob, but pushed the angel away when he tried to comfort her. "Go. Just go away, leave me alone, and don't ever bother me again. I don't ever want to see you again. If you don't want me around, fine. Just don't lie and say you'll fight for me when you really won't."

"Lydia…"

"_I said leave me the fuck alone!"_ Lydia stepped away from him and screamed, looking directly into his blue eyes. "Don't use the 'you'll fight for me' bull as an excuse! You're an angel now! You deserve better than me! You got your sex! You got what you wanted, so now go!"

Cas shook his head. "No…"

Lydia pushed him and started beating him with her fist, her anger and sadness overwhelming her. "I hate you! I hate you for everything you've done to me! You've turned me into this dependent, weeping mess! You've played with my emotions, put me and my friend in danger, and now you leave!"

"_Lydia_!" Cas yelled back.

"_Go_!" she screamed one last time. When she opened her eyes, Cas was gone. Her angel was gone forever. Lydia started hyperventilating, not knowing what else to do. Without thinking, she ripped off the necklace with his name on it and threw it across the room. She collapsed on the couch, sobbing for her broken heart, and didn't stop until she fell asleep hours and hours later.


	24. Wait For Me Down In The Dark

**(A/N)- …Um, to everybody who put this story under a favorite or story alert or reviewed or ever read this story, thank you so, so, so much. Even if you only reviewed once in like the 1****st**** chapter or never reviewed or are reading this story like in 2013 or something crazy or you hate this story with a burning passion, leave a quick comment and tell me what you think. I'll even take flames if it means I can improve my writing the next time around. If you don't already have me under an Author Alert, please add me so when I post the sequel, you'll know about it. That's about it. Eric Kripke, please forgive me for screwing with your characters and please know that I don't own, I'm not trying to take credit away from you, and I'm not making money from this in any way. And I'm super sorry for the long author's note! I really loved writing this story for the past two months, and I hope everybody who reads this, even years later, likes it too. Thanks again guys! **

Lydia felt the tear tracks, not yet dried, on her cheeks the second she woke up. It didn't even take her a few seconds to remember what had happened the night before; she remembered right away. She had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from breaking down in tears again. Lydia looked at the clock and found that it was only six am. For at least a good hour, she couldn't even find the motivation to get out of bed. What was the point? Castiel was gone, and after the way she had screamed at him last night, she doubted he was ever coming back.

She didn't even know why she treated him the way she did or whose fault it really was or why he decided to leave in the first place. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't really seem to matter. It didn't matter why Cas left her- the point is that he did. It didn't matter whose fault it was- they were destined to fail from the start. It didn't matter if Lydia had believed all that crap Castiel told her about fighting for her- she still would've had her heart broken when she realized that it was all a lie, an excuse to be rid of her so he could be an angel again…

_"I'm not sure," Cas admitted. For the first time since Lydia went through detox, he actually sounded scared. He laid down next to Lydia, staring into her eyes. "Did I ever tell you that you're beautiful?"_

_"Only every time you see me." Lydia smiled._

_Cas started playing with a piece of her hair. "Well you are..."_

Eventually, the memory of lying in bed next to him became to much to handle. Lydia rolled out of bed and hesitantly stared into the mirror. She looked awful, way worse than she had imagined. For some unknown reason, she had felt the need to put makeup on yesterday, so she could look nice for Cas when he finally came back…God, how could she have been so stupid? Trying to push the thought of him out of her head, Lydia studied herself in the mirror some more. Her hair was a total mess, her clothes crumpled and stained with tears, and on her face, there was nothing but heart aching grief and loneliness. She had no idea that breaking up with somebody could be this hard, could hurt this much. She hadn't felt this broken or alone since her mother died…

_Lydia was fully dressed in a nice shirt and leggings as she sat in front of her mirror in her bedroom, straitening her hair._

_Suddenly, Lydia heard what sounded like the flapping of wings and felt a rush of air. She didn't even have to turn around-she could see him in her mirror. "You're back."_

_"Yes." Cas said, looking around her bedroom. He hadn't ever seen it before. It_

_was dirty and small, but comfortable. Cas slowly watched Lydia as he sat on her bed._

_Lydia unplugged the straightener and smoothed her hair out, before deciding to tease it up. "So why are you here?" She then noticed that the angel was sitting on her bed, dirty clothes surrounding him. "And why the hell are you on my bed?"_

_"I wanted to sit down." Cas reasoned. Lydia rolled her eyes and continued fixing her hair…_

_No_! She couldn't deal with this right now, or she'd fall apart for sure. She wiped away as much makeup and tears as she could, grabbed her wallet and her iPod, and started the walk to the diner. She blasted non-stop The Who the entire way there, trying to drown out the memories of all the walks they had taken…

_She had only been walking for three minutes, however, when she heard somebody say next to her, "You shouldn't be walking alone at night."_

_Lydia let out a scream and jumped. Breathing heavily, she saw Castiel standing next to her nonchalantly. Her eyes narrowed._

_"What the hell was that?" she hissed quietly. "You scared the crap out of me!"_

_"I'm sorry." Cas apologized. Lydia brushed some hair away from her face and starting walking again, hoping he'd go away. But he didn't; Cas caught up to her and walked alongside with her. They walked next to each other for a few seconds before Lydia sighed…_

"My Generation" was put on even louder. Lydia didn't even care if she was hit by a car or whatever because she couldn't hear; she needed some type of distraction before her memories consumed her completely. After a while, Alyssa's diner came into view. But something wasn't right- she could tell right away. Her fears were confirmed when she saw flashing lights that belonged to ambulances and police cars. Lydia broke out into a run and started racing towards the diner…

_She wasn't sure how much longer Alyssa would be kept in the dark, but the second she saw Cas come through the diner door, she knew that it wasn't going to be too much longer._

_"Hello." Cas nodded as he walked towards her, looking stiff and uncomfortable. When he was close enough to her, he leaned forward to kiss her, but then apparently lost his nerve and just looked at her strangely. Lydia bit her lip to stop herself from laughing-he obviously didn't want to be affectionate with her in public. She didn't know whether that was because he was embarrassed or didn't want to embarrass her, but she still appreciated the gesture._

_"Hey." Lydia smiled, then leaned over the counter and gave him a quick peck. They broke apart as quickly as possible and stared at each other before going in for a longer, more passionate kiss. It was as if everybody else in the diner simply disappeared…_

"What's going on?" Lydia grabbed an officer by the shoulder roughly and turned him to face her.

The officer waved her away. "Sorry, authorized personal only…"

"No, you don't understand," Lydia protested. "I work here. I've been on vacation for weeks and just got back…"

"Tony!" Another officer called to the one standing in front of Lydia, who turned and faced his fellow policeman. "She really does work here. I go here all the time, I've seen her before."

The first officer nodded and looked at Lydia again. "There was some sort of attack here. We're trying to find out the details now."

"Well, is everybody okay?" Lydia pressed him for more information. "Was it open? Was anybody in there?"

The policeman nodded sadly. "Family of four and an elderly couple. The whole family and the old man was dead on the scene…" Lydia's eyes flew to the ambulance. She saw the older woman on the stretcher, looking pale as a sheet and extremely close to death. Lydia could tell instantly that she wasn't going to make it. Then, her eyes widened when she recognized the woman…

_The woman reached out her hand and patted Lydia's hand lightly. "You two are adorable together. My husband and I were the same way when we were younger."_

_Lydia's mouth dropped open slightly.__Is this some kind of joke?__"No, no…We're not…I don't even know him…"_

_"Well, you two have been looking at each other the whole time," The older woman said simply as she patted Lydia's hand again. "And with good reason. He is rather hot, isn't he?"_

_"Um…" Lydia felt her eyes grow bigger and her face flush again. "I guess?"_

_"Well, anyway, I better get going," The lady flashed Lydia one last smile before whispering, "Go get him, tiger!" and left the diner…_

"Oh my God!" Lydia felt like she was going to faint. Or throw up. Or both. She looked around the scene wildly, trying to process what had just happened. This couldn't be some kind of demon attack, could it? There wasn't any connection to her…there couldn't be…

Oh God.

"Alyssa!" Lydia started screaming when she saw her friend lying on the pavement, blood everywhere. The paramedics were covering her with a white sheet. Lydia yelled and tried to get to her fallen friend, tears pouring out of her eyes at an alarming rate. Her friend was dead. Her only friend in the world was dead because of her…

_Alyssa tugged the necklace off and held it out in front of Lydia. "How about you take it and show him?"_

_"Oh, no. I couldn't…" Lydia protested, but Alyssa took her hand and shoved the necklace in it._

_"No, seriously honey, just take it." Alyssa shrugged. "And even if you don't want it or it doesn't work, you can always just pawn it."_

_Lydia laughed in disbelief. "Are you seriously encouraging me to pawn your aunt's necklace?"_

_"It's not __her__ necklace-it's __my__ necklace." Alyssa corrected. "And I only said that she was my aunt. I never said that I liked her…"_

The police held her back, and as hard as Lydia fought, she couldn't break through the barrier they made. Eventually, Lydia collapsed on the ground, a sobbing mess. She stayed there on her knees for a few seconds before she somehow managed to pick herself up off the ground and started running back to her apartment…

_Lydia nodded eagerly, wanting to get out of the house for a change. Cas sighed, and smiling, Lydia grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. They started walking to the nearest Burger King, fingers intertwined. Cas had never had somebody hold his hand before, but it felt completely natural, like they belonged there. They grabbed their burgers and started walking back, laughing and joking…_

She burst into her bedroom and opened her third drawer. It's where she kept all of her money. She reached in and grabbed every dollar bill that she had. She counted quickly and saw that she had $200. It wasn't much, but it would be enough. She raced out of the apartment, leaving the door wide open, swearing to herself that she would never come back…

_Lydia's anger burned hotly. "Are you freaking kidding? You think that I can't control myself? Don't flatter yourself! I could find somebody else to be with-someone with actual emotions and doesn't have personal space issues. Or wings!"_

_"You're not being reasonable." Cas accused._

_"You're the one who freaked out when I kissed you!" Lydia couldn't control herself anymore. She opened the door and shoved the angel out of her apartment. "And don't bother coming back, because I'll be too busy 'trying to control myself' if you do!" She slammed the door shut and stomped back to the living room. She lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling for a while. When she finally got up almost an hour later, she noticed that Cas had left the necklace on the floor…_

Once she was halfway to Jay's, she slowed down to a walk. She was much more paranoid then usual- she had managed to stop crying, but she was still scared that someone would see her…She promised herself and Castiel that she would never get involved in the drugs ever again…

_"Lydia, you are not fine. You will die." Cas' eyes were locked on her. Lydia sighed, put down the lid on the toilet, and sat down._

_"Cas, you said you weren't going to pull this crap…"_

_"Things have changed," Cas said quietly. "I can't bear to see you self-destruct."_

_Lydia looked up at him, tears in her eyes._

_"I can't…I can't…"_

_"Yes you can," Cas insisted. "Please try." Lydia shook her head, trying to block out his words. "Try for me."_

_"I __can't__!" Lydia sobbed._

_"Can't or won't?" He asked. Her tears just fell harder._

_Cas was growing desperate. There had to be something-some way to make her realize, make her listen…No. He wouldn't do it. Emotions couldn't be brought into this. He'd only end up hurting her…_

_And suddenly, he didn't care. Cas, in one swift motion, took a step forward, grabbed Lydia's wrist, pulled her to her feet, and their lips collided passionately._

Lydia chuckled darkly and bitterly to herself. Then again, didn't Cas also promise never to leave her…?

"_Lydia, look at me," Cas touched her chin and titled her head up so she was looking straight at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Dean and Sam were wrong. I want you in my life. I'm not going anywhere."_

_Lydia bit her lip, trying to stop the tears. "But what if…"_

_Cas silenced her with a kiss. "Lydia Carmichael, as long as I am on this earth, you will never be alone, I promise you…"_

Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. She was calling his bluff. Cas had lied to her, because guess who was running to the drug dealer's apartment, all alone?

The memories were coming faster and faster, too fast. Lydia was sure she would burst. But thankfully, she was already at the apartment. She practically flew up the stairs and knocked on Jay's door. It opened within seconds.

"Lydia?" Jay looked at her in surprise. "What happened to you? I haven't heard form you in…"

"I quit," Lydia snapped quickly. "Now I'm un-quitting." She handed Jay all the money she had. "I don't care what you give me or how much. Just give me whatever that'll buy."

"Okay…" Jay dragged her inside and after a few anxiety-filled minutes, handed her the drug. "You said you quit. Do you need…?"

"Syringes? Yeah." Lydia grabbed one that was lying on the floor and started to fill it.

"Whoa, calm down there, crazy," Jay grabbed the needle and handed her a new one, already filled. "This one is brand new, never been used. Just slow down, okay?"

But Lydia wasn't listening. She had already injected herself and could feel the high starting. If felt so good, she let herself get lost in it…

_"Hey, Cassie-boy!" Lydia giggled and waved when she saw him. Cas looked at her uneasily._

_"Jeez, you got a stick up your ass or something?" Lydia laughed as she laid there on her couch. "You look pissed."_

_"Lydia, are you alright?" Cas seemed concerned._

_"I…I am, like, having an orgasm right now, that's how awesome I am." Lydia gasped as she stared right past Cas. "You want some?"_

_Cas' eyes narrowed. "Have you been using?"_

_"Uh…yeah!" Lydia said like it was obvious. "Duh!" Then, she sighed in happiness. "You can honestly not imagine how __awesome__ it feels!" Lydia looked back at him. "We both should get high." She paused. "Then have sex…"_

No. Not him again. The thought of the blue eyes suddenly appearing in her memory made her sick to her stomach. Before she could stop herself, she vomited all over Jay's floor.

"That is _it_!" Lydia felt herself being hauled to her feet and being forced out of the room. She heard the door slam behind her and found herself in the hallway of Jay's apartment. She wasn't sure that her legs could support her, not when she had taken this much heroin at once, but she carried on, undeterred. She wasn't really sure where she was going until she fell facedown on the middle of the sidewalk. She normally would've been disgusted with herself for being so pathetic, but Lydia's mind was focused on only one thing- the $100 bill in the middle of the street. Not believing her luck, she grabbed the money and started stumbling to the bus station. Why hadn't she thought of this before…?

_It happened so fast, Lydia didn't realize that she had just flown across…God, where was she? Blinking rapidly, Lydia looked around her surroundings. She really had no idea where she was. It looked like a junkyard-there were cars __everywhere__- but she could've been Alaska for all she knew._

_It was then that Lydia noticed that Cas was standing next to her. "Where are we?"_

_"Sioux Falls in South Dakota." He answered simply._

_Lydia nodded, bewildered. "So I just flew across all of Iowa?"_

_Cas nodded back. "Yeah, basically…"_

Almost twelve hours later, Lydia woke up in the back of a Greyhound bus. She had waited at the station for two hours before she bought a ticket to Sioux Falls. The bus was making a lot of stops, making the six-hour trip last almost ten hours. But she was close, she could feel it. There was only about ten more minutes before the bus would reach its destination. Lydia cringed when she heard a familiar song come on her iPod…

_Lydia paused when she heard the opening notes to Switchfoot's "Only Hope." She left the song on, listening to the lyrics, trying not to turn red when she realized who they reminded her of-Cas. She bit her lip and looked up at him, wondering if he got the message. She quickly saw that he did-he moved some stray hair out of her face and kissed her again…_

Lydia shut off the music as quickly as she could. The full realization of what she had done was now dawning on her- she had relapsed. And she needed another dose soon. She wanted to cry all over again, but she wouldn't let herself. The bus stopped and Lydia stepped off the bus, now in Sioux Falls. She grabbed a map from the station and finally figured out where Bobby's house would be. In the darkening night, she found herself making the long trek to Bobby's…

_Taking a deep breath, Lydia bolted from the dressing room and walking as quickly as she could, keeping her head down and trying her best not to run into anyone. She almost made it, too. She was so close to the door, she thought for sure she had made it. She quickened her pace ever so slightly, not watching out for her surroundings…_

_And ran right into Cas' chest…_

**Step.**

_Cas remained completely calm. "I'm sorry Lydia, but you are mistaken. I'm not your guardian, nor am I here to 'save you'."_

_"Then why are you here?" Lydia demanded._

_"…I don't know." Cas answered honestly…_

**Step. **

_He started opening the door when Lydia suddenly cried out, "Wait!" Cas stopped and stared at her, and Lydia rushed forward and gave him a tight hug. Cas didn't move, and Lydia noticed how stiff he was in her arms. She pulled away and grinned sheepishly. "We're friends, Cas. Friends hug." Cas looked at her, and to her surprise, smiled, just the tiniest bit. Still smiling, he let himself out of the apartment, leaving Lydia alone. And Lydia couldn't help but feel lonely as she watched him go…_

**Step.**

_Lydia stopped and pulled his shoulder so he was facing her. "Cas, look me in the eye and tell me that you don't feel anything for me."_

_Cas couldn't. He just looked away again. She knew he felt something for her. Maybe not love, but he still felt something…_

**Don't think about him.**

_"I love you." Cas confessed. Lydia just stood rigid in his arms, still furious. That was one of the things he loved about her-how she never tried to hide her feelings, wore her emotions proudly. Cas kissed her forehead one more time before vanishing into thin air again…_

**Don't think about how much you loved him.**

_"It's not what you thought it would be, huh?" Lydia heard Bobby ask from behind her. "Being in a relationship with someone like that."_

_Lydia kept her eyes on the spot where Cas was standing only seconds before. "No. It's definitely not…"_

**Don't think about how you **_**do**_** love him.**

_"You're welcome." Cas said, then added, "Lydia?"_

_"Yeah, I'm still here." Lydia got closer to the phone._

_She heard him take a deep breath. "I love you…"_

**Almost at Bobby's.**

_Cas stopped, took a deep breath, and continued speaking. "You do not need any self-defense. It is not necessary."_

_"But what if I get attacked?"_

_"You __won't__," Cas insisted. "I won't allow it…"_

**You can do this.**

_"I suppose if you want to impress the ladies…" Crowley looked as condescending as ever. "Lydia, hon, do you find that sexy?"_

_"__Crowley__!" Cas snapped, upset. He became incredibly defensive whenever Crowley looked at Lydia, talked to Lydia, or was so much as in the same room as Lydia…_

**Don't fall apart.**

_Lydia nodded. "If this really is your last night on Earth…" Cas understood what she was saying immediately. He stood up, and with a deep breath, turned off the light switch. Covered by the darkness, he walked back to the bed, telling himself that he was ready, that he could do this. When he reached Lydia, he whispered, "This is my…first time."_

_And right before it happened, before he gave her everything-his intimacy- he heard her say back, "It's mine too..."_

**I miss you.**

_"Don't do this." Lydia begged him. She held his hands tighter. "Just let me follow you wherever you go!" Her voice became even more hysterical when she saw him shaking his head. "Please! Believe me, I will! I'll follow you wherever! I'll follow you into the dark, if I need to…!"_

**I need you.**

_Lydia groaned and laid her head on his shoulder. "I really hate this."  
>Cas, for the first time that week, kissed her forehead. "I know. But I'm proud of you."<br>"I'm only doing it for you, y'know," Lydia looked at him seriously. "And I could never do this on my own. You're like the only person that could get me through this…"_

**I love you.**

_"Lydia, please." He looked into her eyes. Finally, with a shaky breath, Lydia answered him._

_"Promise not to leave me?"_

_Cas nodded-he'd never dream of it, Heaven and Hell be damned. He saw the answer in her eyes. She'd try to get better. For him. And that's all he was asking for. He brought his hands down, but kissed her again, finally seeing the fireworks Lydia was talking about…_

"Lydia?" Bobby Singer opened the door to find the girl standing on his porch, looking like she'd been through hell and back.

Lydia looked at him and, with tears in her voice but her voice strong, said, "Bobby, I want you to teach me everything there is to being a hunter."

_**~If there's no one beside you, you when your soul embarks, **_

_**then I'll follow you into the dark~**_


	25. Author's Note

** (A/N)-Hi guys! This isn't really a chapter, because this story has been over for months. However, I figured that I should post a little note that the sequel, "We'll Get By, But We Don't Know How" is up and is already on the eighth chapter. I know a lot of you have an alert for this story and not an alert for my pen name, so here's your notification: The sequel is up. Go read it. Thanks guys! I hope you guys like it as much as you liked this one!**


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